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 You guys might laugh but too me it's serious! Any advise?
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| Author | Topic: You guys might laugh but too me it's serious! Any advise? | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder 
Posts: 421 |
Guys I've been seeing this girl for about two months now, she just started sleeping over my house.Ill get to the point, because of all this protein I'm taking during my cycles I wake up in the middle of the night becuase I'm farting so loud....now I don't want it to happen when my girlfriend's sleeping over....do you guys have any advise as to what I can take to make sure I don't fart while she's in my bed....I was thinking of taking gas-x or beano......anyone have any ideas...or some insight on what works? I can control it when I'm awake but it's when I'm sleeping that I have the problem...thanks brothers     | ||
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Guru 
Posts: 4329 |
Beano &Phazyme-X are pretty effective in the war against flatulence.... | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder 
Posts: 240 |
WELL WHODAMAN, ILL BE HONEST I GET THE SAME TYPE OF THING ONCE IN A WHILE. MY GIRL ALWAYS SLEEPS AT MY HOUSE AND SHE HAS TO HEAR ME BUSTIN ASS ALL NIGHT. SHE THINKS ITS FUNNY AND DOESNT REALLY CARE. SHE KNOWS I EAT A TON OF PROTEIN AND THATS WHAT ITS FROM. SHE ALWAYS BREAKS MY BALLS AND TELLS ME MY ASS IS TOXIC HEH. IF THE GIRL REALLY LIKES YA I DONT THINK SHE WILL GIVE A SHIT...ZEUS | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 73 |
Well how well do you know this girl? You never know what turns women on. Maybe she likes to smell fart! Heck, I sure love to bury my nose in a girls ass and smell the fart coming out of it! So sit down and talk to her and let her know how you feel. | ||
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Novice 
Posts: 3 |
Asia, you are one sick mother man. Bury your nose in a girl's ass when she farts? Dude, that is disgusting. LOL! | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 77 |
Gas-X just gets rid of that bloated feeling....for me it makes cuttin' cheese even worse.... | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 340 |
LOL - You're a dude, you're supposed to "RIP-ASS", it's an unwritten rule! Keep eating and let em' fly man! Later, | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 327 |
In order to avoid loud and smelly farts, one must expell some air through the lungs, preferable via a loud scream. Thats why I love being married, I don't worry about shit like that anymore, I don't even wake up when I fart, I just let it go (mostly SBD's), then in the morning I wake up and see her laying on the couch in the living room..... [This message has been edited by Mr. Nobody (edited October 17, 2000).] | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 98 |
Youre right waking her up with your farts is indicative of a serious problem...you should have alrwady woken her up to have her pull your thumb..I reccomend couples counseling...or you may just want to find some pro-biotin to get rid of the gas, its up to you. | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder 
Posts: 1129 |
He Huck, you Guru, you know an answer to every thing he. ------------------ Don't look back, life is too short | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 228 |
Set up a fan at bed level on your side of the bed,It will blow right by her.Also, insert airplugs into her ears or fall asleep with the radio on HE HE HE ------------------ | ||
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Cool Novice 
Posts: 26 |
I haven't laughed this hard in days!(Not at you, whodaman) Your answers crack me up-especially Zeus-I love his outlook! I can laugh though because I deal with this situation with my boyfriend and I admit at times those protein shakes kill me so him, too. It is just part of the package. Yeah, Beano reduces the bloat but not the farts. I've never tries Phazume-X-worth a try. I think I will go buy it for my boyfriend. | ||
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Guru
Posts: 4329 |
Please tell me you're a female..... | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 185 |
This is the funniest damn post i have ever read! I cant stop laughing.....i think i might just fart, so ill feel more involved with the post. haha! Huck, you are definitely the man bro. Why in the hell are you not a MOD? What are they thinking???? :) ------------------ | ||
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Guru
Posts: 4329 |
If they call me in to duty,I will serve with pride..... | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 681 |
nothing gives you worst gas then opt.'s pure egg protein....wholly shit!(literally)LOL but i gain weight so i dont give a shit--ahahahahaha my girl use to gag over the smell! ------------------ | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 652 |
i'll back huck up 100% on this one....he's the one bro, if any, that is deserving of moderator status... if an opening for mod becomes available, huck is the man BACK TO THE SUBJECT... huck is right....those 2 products work well! and if you have a good woman, she'll even fan your farts away from your own face, so you don't smell your own stinkiness [This message has been edited by Pharm Animal (edited October 17, 2000).] | ||
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Cool Novice
Posts: 12 |
Just fart in front of her! She'll realize that you are comfortable with her in all situations. | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 91 |
Man...@LRG, you are totally right about that Opt's Pure Egg Protein. I used it for my last contest and my ass was one big methane explosion. It was easy to clear a room within seconds. As far as farting in your sleep, has anyone farted so loud in their sleep that they woke themselves up? I did and it scared the shit out of me(no pun intended. | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 704 |
quote: LOL LOL LOL LMAO!!!! HEHEHE... ALSO, | ||
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Cool Novice
Posts: 47 |
hey bro, i feel you pain. me+protein=holes in the drawers, 7.5 on the richter scale, anyway beano works great for me, also fire retardent sheets!!! | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 202 |
u gota take a gas relief pill or 5. if that doesnt work go to the doctors and they can perscribe somthing stronger | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 171 |
Hey bro I feel ya...I have just started dating a girl and she wants to start the sleep over thing. We have spent three nights together and I cannot sleep I feel that I would BLOW her right out of the bed. Leave the door open and the radio on low if she is a hard sleeper she wont hear it as for the door being open you do not want to have that shit on her breath in the morining. Imagine the smell straight from your ass...now imagine it sitting in someones mouth all night and then kissing them the next morining. ALSO, A small fan would do. Tell her you hate the heat or fresh air makes you sleep better. OH BY THE WAY PRETTY FUNNY SHIT | ||
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Cool Novice
Posts: 15 |
hehe.lol...the hell with it just fart.she wont mind. | ||
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Novice
Posts: 8 |
put a teaspoon of psyllium husk in your protein drink.....works wonders...newbie .02 | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 98 |
Damn!!! This is the funniest post I have read in a long time. Good luck with your girl WHODAMAN, and sweet dreams! ------------------ | ||
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Cool Novice
Posts: 42 |
The fan only delays it (what goes around the room comes back around) Gotta keep the door open have the fan aimin right at it. Been working with me for years :-) Incense or scented candles might work for some too you guys are a hoot!! | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 328 |
damn whodaman....a case o' the protein farts eh? this is something i think everyone can relate to. i just say fuck-it...ill sit in class and let out a 'silent but deadly' and watch the sorority whores skwirm and bitch about the smell. mind you, ill only attempt such a brave act in a big lecture class....heh heh..... keep it in-bare the pain.....let it out-bare the shame. its your call bro..... Unity66 | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 239 |
Just switch the type of protein you are using... I uses George's 60/30..whatever it is.. (pretty good stuff actually) and the gas that it gives you is so horribly disgusting,and inhuman...you can blame it on the dog..she will never believe that it came from you...... ------------------ | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 92 |
my boss got mad at me for clearing out the pawnshop he gave me 0.50 to go to the car wash :O  ------------------ | ||
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Cool Novice
Posts: 26 |
Frackal and Huck-Please!!! Yes I am 110% FEMALE! Sorry guys, I guess I should have been more clear. My name is refering to my body-I want to have as hard a body as I can. If your thinking in other terms, I want that too-I'm choosy what can I say!-Actually what woman doesn't-right? I love to read this board it is very interesting and sometimes hilarious-as in this case. Like I said though, I can relate. | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 208 |
lol...... | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 175 |
lol... just make a woman so crazy about you that she doesn't care. I like to pull the duvet over her head so she can't escape hehe! | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 421 |
You guys are f'n hillarious....Thanks for all your input....It really is a huge problem, I wasn't joking....I not only wake myself up by the rumbling of the bed....but when I check to see if I woke my girlfriend up, sometimes I cant fall back to sleep....hopefully your advise will help...thanks again brothers | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 233 |
let em fly bro | ||
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Cool Novice
Posts: 34 |
get a dog, then you can blame it on him. | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 175 |
If they are so loud that they wake you up then why not have another protein drink when you wake up. Then a couple of hours later when its digesting your 'bottom burping' will wake you up to tell you its time for another protein. No need for an alarm clock and constant protein all night. You'll grow so big that the girl won't fit in the bed anyway. | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 126 |
Bro it is your house do what you please my g/f lives with me and i break wind all the time along with burping, she has come to ignore it now.. I'm sure she will understand, but i have yet to wake myself up from it! | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 58 |
sjhaxp...you rock my friend, best answer I have seen.A mans best friend....more ways than one. This post has me in tears. I hear you on this one. I sleep with my girl and I'm in pain.....sleep alone and I sleep like a baby, that is until I get up - kick off the covers and get knocked out from the trapped air. | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 421 |
Guys....I just got back from the grocery store and picked up some phazyme ultra strength....I'll keep you guys updated!! | ||
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Guru
Posts: 4329 |
Good luck my friend....flatulence is serious business..... | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 340 |
quote: Ultra strength - LOL. I don't need an update bro, but thanks anyway (I have this mental image of some poor bro "agonizing" over this and doin' everything possible to keep from droppin' his ass! - LOL) | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 329 |
Before I got married I always farted in front of my girlfriends, it is a natural thing, most of the time the laugh, and it makes them more comfortable, that you are comfortable around them. I fart all the time. | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 1129 |
I second that : Huck for mod. He is a walking library. ------------------ Don't look back, life is too short | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 142 |
haha..this shit is funny...same thing happen to me with my girl..i can hold the stinkyness inside..it requires lots of concentration...for u bro i think u need to buy some kind of gas reliver...or just plug a 6 foot plastic tube up yr arse...and led the other end under yr bed...FART AWAY! | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 230 |
myoplex mass +20oz of skim milk. My longest fart: 9 seconds. I couldn't fucking belive it. | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 239 |
HUDSON... I believe I was the one that first suggested the dog thing..not skylsld (whatever the name was..no offense bro) Damn!!! People stealing my "hypothetical" quesions and mow my funny posts!!!! LOL...funny posts bro's ------------------ | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 58 |
thefantom1 ....Sorry bro, I think at that stage of the post I was crying to much from laughter and couldn't read properly. Hudson | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 421 |
Here's an update bro's......the shit doesn't work...I bought 60 capsules....I took two phasyme ultra strength last night before bed....woke up at 4:30 ripping ass...and I'm still ripping ass right now at 8:49am....oh well!!! Hmmm...I have a doctors appointment coming up soon....maybe I'll ask him for some advise....he'll probably tell me to decrease my protein intake which I won't do anyway. I'm just getting off my cycle...do you guys think I should still keep my protein at 2x my body weight? | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 405 |
how often do you wash your sheets bro, she might smell the shit stains you left from last night if you don't clean then. make sure you leave the lights low so the shit stains blend in with her eyes...... ------------------ | ||
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Guru
Posts: 2005 |
hahaha some wild ass post here. I have the same problem dude, I think mine may be a little worst even, milk, cheese and all that really yummy stuff (ice cream mmmm) gives me explosive gas. My fiance and I have been together for two years come Dec. 3, and she's learned to "deal" with it. You know its meant to be with a woman when you can let one(several in a row) rip in fronna her and crack jokes about how foul it is. so take it slow, and slowly build up to letting one out in fronna her hehe. | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 340 |
Bump for the never-ending laugh. I found this for ya' - BBWWAAAAAAA!!!! Note 1.7 MB (slow download if on a dial-up) Later, | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 416 |
Alright, you guys finished laughing??? Here is a serious answer to a serious problem. Gas production due to protein intake is due to an alteration in the microbial flora, notably an increase in the anaerobic populations, such as Bacteroides. These little bastards can take protein and convert aminos into nasty little compounds with horrible names like putrescine, cadaverine, skatole, etc. Vegetarians have lower levels of anaerobes and higher levels of the fermentative organisms, such as the Lactobacilli. So what can we do?? Try taking Probiotic preparations that contains live cultures of Lactobacilli and Bifidobacteriea, along with green tea extract. The lactic acid organisms along with the green tea will reduce the populations of anaerobes. I haven't tried this cause I love to fart. | ||
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Guru
Posts: 4329 |
Dezl:Specific name brands on these"probiotics"? | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 421 |
Thanks for the advice dezl....but like huck said...WTF are those....sounds like you want me to shove worms and green tea in a turkey baster and squirt it in my ass....j/k  but seriously where can I find these things...health food store...I'll do a search and see what I find... | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 73 |
In all seriousness, it could be your diet. If it's too much of these protein drinks and not enough food you're probably overdoing something or other. I know you need a lot of protein but just try cutting back on those shakes just a bit, and get used to having a few more chicken & broccoli meals. Also, you could be allergic to something, even lactose intolerant (causes gas). I hear not all of these protein drinks are lactose-free as they claim. | ||
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Novice
Posts: 7 |
Hey youdaman, It might be more than protein - maybe you're lactose intolerant (esp if you're non-Caucasian), and it might pay to test by laying off protein drinks, milk, etc, for a while. Gluten intolerance is another possibility. I react badly to gluten and wheat, but find it hard to avoid because I lose too much weight and hang out for the taste of bread. Broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage are great ammunition for farts. I swear by the theory that diet affects not just your digestion, but also your energy, mood, etc. I have a good idea now of what foods make me lethargic, listless and even flat in mood and these same foods also upset my digestion. There is a very long list of what I need to avoid, but, fortunately, apart from protein pdr, I tolerate all the bodybuilding foods. My diet year round is basically beef, chicken, rice and selected fruit and veves. Good luck. Give it your best shot. And try the probiotics for a while to assist with intestinal flora. | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 146 |
Hey this reminds me, I fell asleep in Algebra class today and I woke up and hurt a noise that seemed to be coming from me lol. I did not here anyone laugh or anything so I Hope that it wasn't a fart. This has happened several times I would wake up in class to the sound of what I thought was a fart but no one would react to it. One time in study hall it happen and i could have sworn I heard a girl say "did he just fart??" Its really embarassing...i need to ask someone about it. ------------------ | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 343 |
This is what I do for gas, take 2 imodium AD chewies if you just have gas with the protein drink. No farts! If you get the shit's and gas, then take 2 Imodium AD before and after you protein drink. Make sure it has not expired becuase it loses it's effectiveness after the exp. date and you will pay if your driving and you can't get to a rest room in time. Triple Threat 3/60 is good stuff if you want the most toxic, long lasting farts and shits in the universe. You will fart every 2 min and shit every half an hour. You bedroom will smell like toxic waste (not shit) for days after you stop farting. You also might get sick, as in my case. ------------------ | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 169 |
I understand all to well. My farts are toxic man. I can't even handle the smell. Its a stinging concentration that hits you square in the nose. The trick to take a shit as much as possible! Yes I am honest, the more you shit the cleanner your farts will smell. Everytime I am going to sleep over at my GF's house, I take a HUGE crap before I go.
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posted October 17, 2000 02:58 PM
