What's black and white and red all over and has trouble getting through a revolving door?

"Not yet," said the little boy.

His mother tells him he can't have any breakfast until he does his
chores. Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens,
and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow.
He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for
breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in
my cereal?" he asks.

"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any
eggs. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon, either. I
also saw you kick the cow, so you aren't getting any milk this morning."

Just about then, his father comes down for breakfast, and he kicks the
cat as he's walking into the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "Are you
going to tell him, or should I?"

------------------
"Pain, is just weakness leaving your body"

"...damn you for not giving my TEST" - Metallica

"After this show i'll be fat and happy again.....If i make it to the show...." - Lee Priest

"Lets put some weight on the bar.." - Shawn Ray

Sister Mary Francis goes into the confessional. "Forgive me father I have sinned.. I've touched a mans privates"

"Go say 3 Hail Marys and wash your hands in holy water"

Sister Bernadette Fortuna goes into the confessional. "Forgive me father I have sinned.. I've touched a mans privates"

"Go say 3 Hail Marys and wash your hands in holy water" says the father.

Sister Rosary comes out of the confessional and sees her sisters at the font washing their hands, and she says "move out the way I have to gargle"

THE GRANDPOP IS SMOKING A CIGARETTE
THE GRANDSON ..SAYS..HEY GRANDPA CAN I TRY THAT

THE GRANDPA SAYS ..WELL CAN YOU TOUCH YOUR ASSHOLE WITH YOUR DICK??

THE GRANDSON SAYS NO!!

SO THE GRANDDAD SAYS NO YOU CANT

A LITTLE LATER HES DRINKING A BEER ..AND THE GRANDSON AGAIN ASKS TO TRY THE BEER

SO THE GRANDAD SAYS CAN YOU TOUCH YOUR ASSHOLE WITH YOUR DICK

THE GRANDSON SAYS NO...SO HE SAYS NO

A LITTLE LATER IN THE DAY ...THE GRANDSON IS WALKING AROUND WITH A TRAY OF COOKIES ...THE GRANDAD SEES HIM AND SAYS HEY GRANDSON CAN I HAVE A COOKIE

SO HE SAYS CAN YOU TOUCH YOUR ASSHOLE WITH YOUR DICK..

HE SAYS ..WHY OF COURSE

THE GRANDSON TURNS TO HIS GRANDFATHER AND SAYS WELL GOOD ...THEN GO FUCK YOURSELF ..GRANDMA SAYS THESE ARE FOR ME !!!

PEACE KB

------------------
"pain is something the average person spends a lifetime trying to avoid"
"pain is something that we elite seek out and thrive on"

"modus operandi"

A man goes into a drug store and sees that they are carrying Olympic Brand condoms. So in the spirit of the current games he buys some.

He gets home and says, "honey I just got some Olympic brand condoms."

The Wife says, "What is so special about those."

Husband, "They come in Gold, Silver and Bronz."

Wife, "Which one were you planning on using first?"

Husband, "Well, the Gold of course, why?"

Wife, "I thought you might use the silver and come in second for once.."

Throw sand on a wall and tell him to hit the beach.

so we would talk to them

why do women fake orgasms?

"You're not going to believe this, but my six year-old got my secretary pregnant!"

"What the fuck?" replies his friend in amazement, spitting out half his drink. "How did he pull that off?"

His colleague answers,

so these two gay guys just finished fucking,and now theyre taking a shower together .all of a sudden one of them notices a glob of cum on the shower floor,so he turns to his lover and says "honey i thought you promised me youll stop farting in the shower"

sawah jeck

"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful
animals!", he said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the
bushes behind him.

He turned to look.

He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he
could
up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was
closing.
He ran even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his
eyes.
He
looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His
heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He
tripped
and
fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the
bear;
right
on top of him; reaching for him with his left paw and raising his
right
paw
to strike him.

At that instant the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...."

Time stopped.

The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

Even the river stopped moving.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the
sky,
"You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I
don't
exist;
ande
even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to
help
you
out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light "it would be
hypocritical
to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but perhaps could
you
make
the bear a Christian?"

> Very well," said the voice.
The light went out.

The river ran again

And the sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear dropped his right paw ..... brought both paws
together ...

bowed his head and spoke:

im 7'0" tall
i weigh 300lbs
i have a 3 pound right nut
and i 3 pound left
my dick is 20inches long

and my name is turner brown/..\

the white gets all nervous and passes out !!!

so the black guy picks him up and revives him

looks at the white guy and says what the hell is wrong with you ???

the white guy says ..what did you say??

he says i said

im 7ft tall
i weigh 300lbs
i have a 3lbs right nut
and a 3lbs left nut
and my dick is 20inches long

my name is turner brown

so the white guy ..all releived ..says

OH THAT GOD ..I THOUGHT YOU ASKED ME TO
TURN AROUND !!!!!!!

PEACE KB

------------------
"pain is something the average person spends a lifetime trying to avoid"
"pain is something that we elite seek out and thrive on"

"modus operandi"