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 Elite Fitness Bodybuilding, Anabolics, Diet, Life Extension, Wellness, Supplements, and Training Boards
 Chat & Conversation
 For Rotten and TD - "the Midget"
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| Author | Topic: For Rotten and TD - "the Midget" | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder 
Posts: 735 |
Well we had been from one strip jiont to another and everyone was wall to wall people. Can't get a beer and no place to sit, let alone get a look at some smack. The party-crowd is falling apart and I'm pretty dam drunk from the pint of Vodka I have been hammerin at all night. I've had it and need some space. I'm pretty much ready for the night to end. The best man and one of my other groomsmen(sp) want to keep going. So thier is no way they are going to let me out. So we head across town to a brand new club that has only been open a week. So we pull in and there are only 10 or 12 cars in the parking lot. I'm like cool - couple hotties out side talking to the manager about jobs. I'm drunk so I'm like you want a job I'll give you a job now and I won't make you come back tomorrow and shit. Best man splapped upside the back of the head. I owe that ass one. Anyway we get inside and the place is pretty much empty but girls dancing. (YOU KNOW THAT SHIT EATING GRIN YOU GET WHEN YOU WALK INTO AN EMPTY STRIP JIONT--- yeap thats me!) So I look over and there is a stage empty no one around and its got my name written all over it. Everybody in the place knows I have laid claim to the promise land. So I go and sit down and one buddie goes off for cigs the other for drinks. The music starts up and I'm like ooohh yeah. I turn around and see this thing that can't be but 3'11". I like ohh shit get me the fuk out of here. I jump up and start to move and she grabs the back of my shirt and jumps on me. I'm like what the fuk is going on and what did I walk into. She isn't getting off my back and she is talking all kinds of dirty crap in my ear and I thinking that I just might get sick. So I got to get her off my back and I'm trying to be polite. I back up to the stage and she steps off and grab my arm and is pulling me up to the stage. The next thing I know she is pulling my shirt up and is proceeding to get inside. One reason not to wear baggies. I'm trying to fight her off but I'm drunk and she is way more than I can handle and she sucking on my chest and shit. So I ask her if she will come out now and she does. Well I have had my hands full and haven't realy looked around but a crowd has formed and even the other dancers have stopped to watch. I'm about as red in the face as you can get. I am making verbal threats to the guys to get there ass over and save me and they are laughing there so hard they can hardly stand up. Well for her the show is just getting started. She climbs up on me and throws her legs back over my shoulders and proceeds to grind my face into her you know. I think at this point she is going to break my nose and people are chanting her on. Some how after doing that for awhile she flips around on my shoulders and dives for crouch. Finally ending with her locked feet slamming into the back of my head. Well I had just had the operation about 7 months before and I am still on a 25lb lifting limit. Well she basically hurt me on that one and before I can recover She got my pants open and down around my knees and is proceeding to fish out the Big Willy. Well I'm not having any of what she is thinking and I'm fighting her off and everytime I grab at her is rubber arming me and I keep bagging her head into the side of the stage. Well all the crowd can see is me fusing around and her head getting slammed back. They are thinking that I'm getting a blow job and start chanting Blow Job, Blow Job. Well that can't be happening because big willy - well he is little willy and doesn't realy want to play at all. I'm realy confused and all I wanted is alittle space and I couldn't figure out how to get the hell out of this. Finally I just moved over and sat down and she couldn't get into my pants like she was and she flipped over and started grinding my lap. Well thats how it ended. The three song set stopped and she jumped up and picked up all the money that I had earned for her and took off. Well I'm trying to get my pants back on and my shirt tucked in. People are laughing and patting me on the back and I'm like what the fuk has happened to me. Totally feeling rapped at this point. My buddies pop up laughing and shit giving me the hardest time. It was this and that and you should have seen her. On and on. Well I haven't realy told you what she looked like. She is not anything you would take home to mom. See has realy long curly hair down to her butt and fukked up teeth and little dug eyes. Basically a little germlin. Have your laughs - it alright!     | ||
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Freak 
Posts: 1909 |
LOL. Cleaner got ambushed by a naked midget. that's some funny shit. Hell, you could have packed her in one of those little bags and used her as your new bowling ball. | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder 
Posts: 465 |
Ummm....I....OH...midget....grabbed his willy...Uh
Hold on, I'll be back. | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 769 |
LMAO...oh Cleaner...that was too good. You guys are the BEST at story telling...I can just picture it. Rotten won't be speechless for long I'm sure... ------------------ | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 465 |
OK, I'm better now. Actually your story was alot better. Everyone in my office thinks I'm losing it now. I started screaming "A midgets grabbing the Cleaners willy" Everyone looked out the window and then back at me. I guess you had to be here. That was some funny shit. You never told me that you had a thing for the little people. Is this your wife that you've been talking about? Is that why you have so many guns, you're afraid someones going to steal her pot of gold? Fucking that girl would have been a trip. You could have laid on the stage on your back, had her sit on you, and spin her around like a top. Funny shit man, Thanks for brightening my day!!! | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 313 |
Oh shit! Man that was funny...ha,ha,ha! ------------------ | ||
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Freak
Posts: 1535 |
Man what kind of damn club was that. LMFAO! | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 820 |
WTF!!!!?! HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAH!!!! LMAFAO!!!!! | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder 
Posts: 212 |
oh my god that was nutz, i would of threw the bitch off, no matter how drunk i am. LMFAO | ||
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Cool Novice 
Posts: 24 |
That is the funniest thing I have heard in my entire life!!! LMFAO!! I would do anything to have been there to see that!!!! HAHAHA! I wonder what it would be like to be a midget....i'm 5'11 so I really have no clue. They freak me out......I give you props for not knockin her ass out!  | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 56 |
LOL Midgets...Can't live with them, can't live without them. I think my Pop said it best when he said that after dogs, midgets are man's best friend... hehe...all you shorties, chill out, I'm just fucking with ya... | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 547 |
ok, i dont usually laugh at stories... but god damn!!!!!!! thats a keeper. | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 735 |
Yeah I have been putting off responding because it is just so screwed up! Yeah I was drunk and before I could get anyhthing going she was two steps infront of me. I was try to be polite - afetr all she was/is a lady. Actually Moe it a real nice club. I have been wanting to go back to see how it is ageing. Alot of fine girls. Hey when you come up I'll take you over there for some fun. I'll have to call for th emidget special first. HEHEEEEEHE Thanks for all the support here! | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 562 |
das some funny shit man!! kram-mark |
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posted August 22, 2000 03:25 PM