Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Aug 2000

posted August 14, 2000 06:17 PM               

---

What do you guys do when you feel so fucked up that you do not know if your alive or fucking dead?
The bong? What let me know!!!
I know the strong survive but shit, sometimes no matter how strong you are mentally or physically, it feels like a train just hit you!!
Help!

IP: Logged

Posts: 901
From:Mesquite, Tx USA
Registered: Apr 2000

posted August 14, 2000 06:22 PM               

---

Drop an A-50 call a friend and hit the gym!!!

You need to do that now!!! Call a friend bro! Anything up or you need to talk about get it out. In time things will change. They may suck now, but it will change.

IP: Logged

Posts: 713
From:California
Registered: May 2000

posted August 14, 2000 06:23 PM               

---

I agree with Check!!! Get to the gym - take it out on the weights...sweat is good for the soul!

------------------
Patience is a bitter plant, but it has sweet fruit.

IP: Logged

Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Aug 2000

posted August 14, 2000 06:26 PM               

---

Just came back from hitting it!!!
Loved it (LIKE ALWAYS)!!!!
A divorce is not funny man, shit!
Thanks to all of you.
You guys are great.

IP: Logged

Posts: 713
From:California
Registered: May 2000

posted August 14, 2000 06:28 PM               

---

Oh Still...I'm going through major crap too...good for you for keeping up with the training...call your friends, go outside, take a hike...that works for me...

------------------
Patience is a bitter plant, but it has sweet fruit.

IP: Logged

Posts: 901
From:Mesquite, Tx USA
Registered: Apr 2000

posted August 14, 2000 06:31 PM               

---

Ya bro,

Nothing but time can heal those wounds. i have never been divorced, but my first girl friend was 7 years and I thought I was going to die when that ended. I woke up thinking about her and went to sleep when I could thinking about her, but over time it passed. There are still days(months apart) now 8years later that I still think about her.

IP: Logged

Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Aug 2000

posted August 14, 2000 06:35 PM               

---

Fuck I am like a little pussy right now!
I hit it no matter what. But, I dont like music, I cant work well, all kinds of dysfunctional shit going on down here!

IP: Logged

Posts: 1336
From:Atlanta GA
Registered: Jan 2000

posted August 14, 2000 06:37 PM               

---

Still,

No matter what happens to you, your life goes on. Divorce is not something to take lightly at all - and I don't mean to sound that way.

It is a serious thing, but your life doesn't stop. The world won't stop turning and let you off. You need to identify what you want from yourself, and take the steps to go get it.

Only when you get your mind and spirit into something new, (not necessarily a relationship either) will you begin to release the old.

Matt

IP: Logged

Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Aug 2000

posted August 14, 2000 06:47 PM               

---

What is there to get into besides gym?
THanks bro's
STILLHERE
"All the shit I have been in , I am stillhere?"

IP: Logged

Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Aug 2000

posted August 14, 2000 07:02 PM               

---

Any one else out there?

IP: Logged

Posts: 46
From:Dallas
Registered: Apr 2000

posted August 14, 2000 07:12 PM               

---

I know where you are emotionally, well sort of. I remember the feeling of the moment it finally registered with me that my marriage was over. I didn't want to live another day. I couldn't work, couldn't concentrate, hell I would start bawlin at the drop of a hat.

I don't have any marriage advise for you but I ended up taking some anti-deps and it helped me through the tough parts.

There are boards on the net like this one that specialize in affairs and divorce.

I found this one particularly helpful.

http//:www.marriagebuilders.com

Hope this helps....

IP: Logged

Posts: 626
From:Philly
Registered: Apr 2000

posted August 14, 2000 07:15 PM               

---

You like any sports? They take your mind off of things that get ya down.

IP: Logged

Posts: 183
From:NJ
Registered: Jul 2000

posted August 14, 2000 07:19 PM            

---

Bro, this is in no means the answer. But when my girl and I split I tried to play it off and go out all the time, I tried to work all the time...Nothing worked!!! I just started getting fucked up!! Drank with some buddies after work all the time! It was the only way I could get to sleep. I couldn't take a vacation with my new job. Couldn't stand life work or anything else. But as long as I was getting messed up, I looked happy and got all my shit done. After awhile, I had had enough and quit and started back at the gym. It's not right and I shouldn't have done it I'm sure but, I took care of all my shit and it got me by and I didn't blow my brains out. Today I'm back in the gym as much as possible, eat sleep and train Hard and healthy. Got a good career going cause I kept pushin myself...

Hack

------------------
RAGE, Rage against the dieing of the light!

IP: Logged

Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Aug 2000

posted August 14, 2000 07:21 PM               

---

I watch no sports.
I get bored fast.
I watch BB competitions and the Discovery channel's.
Hey thanks, for that site info. I feel so fucked up that I do not want to leave this site.

IP: Logged

Posts: 1428
From:HELL
Registered: Apr 2000

posted August 14, 2000 07:23 PM               

---

Still, I don't know if this applies but when you are on AS and for some time afterwards you emotions and body are trying like hell to normalize hormones are all jacked up etc.. So keep that in mind, its weird but I have been off for about 2 months (almost) I feel my body is just now (maybe 2 weeks ago) normal I feel a stange sense of calm. Don't get me wrong I love being on, and most of the time I feel damn good (with the ref-b and test and being jacked does not hurt). Even in my life coming off especially got me very moody pist depressed and unstable b/c most of the time I couldn't figure out which one of these emotions I was feeling. It wasn't any where near miserable but the slightest things would really get me angry or depressed - a whole helluva lot easier than when I wasn't on and normalized (so I can imagine how your situation might be a tough one). What I always decide is to try and stay away from making any rash decisions that may affect my life dramatically while I think my body/chemical/brain whatever is not completly clear.

If your not ON, listen to Matt - he may be a skywalker but his feet are firmly planted in reality and logic.

Life goes on, and the only good thing about feeling so shitty you dont think you could feel any worse is that THINGS HAVE TO GET BETTER, PERIOD.

Keep your head up bro, times like these you need to be a soldier and do what has to be done, even when you don't want to do it!

Slopain

IP: Logged

Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Aug 2000

posted August 14, 2000 07:24 PM               

---

Hey Hack, I have been fucked up since last WEDNESDAY!!!
I always go to the gym though.

IP: Logged

Posts: 46
From:Dallas
Registered: Apr 2000

posted August 14, 2000 07:28 PM               

---

Hey, I know it's kind of personal, but since we are more or less anonymous up here, how far along is your divorce and what were the circumstances?

The reason I ask is because my marriage was finished but we brought it back from the grave, so to speak. Don't want to give you false hope but I have seen people save their marriages under some of the worst conditions, even after they were divorced and often when only one spouse wanted to remain in the marriage (as was my case).

IP: Logged

Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Aug 2000

posted August 14, 2000 07:28 PM               

---

Thanks SLOPAIN AND SKYWALKER!!
I am not on!!
Imagine I was?

IP: Logged

Posts: 183
From:NJ
Registered: Jul 2000

posted August 14, 2000 07:30 PM            

---

I hear yea bro! Part of my problem after my girl and I split was I got into a head on car wreck, not my fault!, was told I probrably wouldn't lift for years..Actually against doc's orders after 1 year and 3 months. I told him to shit in his hat and I'm back into the gym full time!!

------------------
RAGE, Rage against the dieing of the light!

IP: Logged

Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Aug 2000

posted August 14, 2000 08:04 PM               

---

Hey Hack that is crazy shit you know why?
I also had that experience. I crashed my car and broke my arm. Doc told me I would never be able to lift. I was out for almost 1 year and 9 months.
One day I said "fuck that I am going to the gym!"
Her I am now but that is not the end of it, I have had more than 9 accidents all bad!
All bad shit, since I was a KID, nothing but bad, sick shit!!
HENCE THE NAME "STILLHERE"
"AFTER ALL THAT SHIT.....MORE COMES MY WAY"

IP: Logged

Posts: 183
From:NJ
Registered: Jul 2000

posted August 14, 2000 08:10 PM            

---

Bro I hear ya!!! I live by "if it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all"

I got 7 or 8 herniated disks and tore the tendons and ligs in both knees, shifted a hip 2in forward

IP: Logged

Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Aug 2000

posted August 14, 2000 08:15 PM               

---

2 car roll overs.
1 broken arm
1 broken wrist
3 fatal car accidents
.....
Divorce
NO money for gear right now!!
......
There is more Hack but I would probably bore you.
Where you from?

"MORE EVIL THIS WAY COMES..."

IP: Logged

Posts: 183
From:NJ
Registered: Jul 2000

posted August 14, 2000 08:25 PM            

---

NJ, what about you? If you have Instant messanger IM me... If your close to me we can get a few pads and some helmets and really fuck shit up

Hack

------------------
RAGE, Rage against the dieing of the light!

IP: Logged

Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Aug 2000

posted August 14, 2000 08:31 PM               

---

STILLHERE is from CALI=0
I want to join in, sounds fun Hack!

"STILLHERE.....I NEED A TAN, LET'S GO TO MEXICO, WHILE I AM THERE=0......."

IP: Logged

Posts: 183
From:NJ
Registered: Jul 2000

posted August 14, 2000 08:34 PM            

---

LOL..I'm working on two vactions this year!! One is to Florida, where I hope to meet this real sweet girl I met online (lol) and the other is to Mexico in Oct...

Hack

------------------
RAGE, Rage against the dieing of the light!

IP: Logged

Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Aug 2000

posted August 14, 2000 08:40 PM               

---

Let me know when you plan to come around this neck of the woods.
NO bullshit.
"STILLHERE....NO FUCK UP... JUST AN ACCIDENT"

IP: Logged

Posts: 183
From:NJ
Registered: Jul 2000

posted August 14, 2000 08:46 PM            

---

Hmm, never thought about Cali...maybe I can sqeeze a trip in...

------------------
RAGE, Rage against the dieing of the light!

IP: Logged

Posts: 923
From:New york
Registered: Apr 2000

posted August 14, 2000 08:51 PM               

---

hey bro the road may be bumpy now but in time it will become smooth..it always does..remember that ..i have bben through my share of bad times..bro every has..remember perserverance,and the love of your family and friends will help you get through your ordeal..

peace romeo

IP: Logged

Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Aug 2000

posted August 14, 2000 08:57 PM               

---

Hey Hack good idea!!!LOTS LOTS LOTS to learn down here. BB CAPITOL OF THE WORLD!!!!
Thanks ROMEO!
I feel handicapped, like someone knock the shit out of me.
Family and friends are always important, never betray.....
"STILLHERE.....ANY MORE CONSEQUENCES FOR TODAY?"

IP: Logged

Posts: 183
From:NJ
Registered: Jul 2000

posted August 14, 2000 08:58 PM            

---

and if all else fails some close friends, a few drinks and a good BUMP

hehehe

------------------
RAGE, Rage against the dieing of the light!

IP: Logged

Posts: 108
From:Normal, IL, USA
Registered: Jun 2000

posted August 14, 2000 09:00 PM               

---

Lift.... Hit the gym and lift :-). Lift out of anger, or hurt and get it all out of your body. Shit like that is toxic for your soul!

Infact when my ex-girlfriend broke up with me, i lifted everyday for one year.
I feel better now, and I am glad that I busted my ass in the gym. If I wouldnt have, who knows where I would be right now ;<

Hindustan.

------------------
The Body Cries Stop, but the soul cries NEVER!
- Jai Hind

IP: Logged

Posts: 132
From:Texas
Registered: Jul 2000

posted August 14, 2000 09:02 PM               

---

a poem by henry rollins for stillhere...

I know you
you were too short
you had bad skin
you couldn't talk to them very well
words didn't seem to work
they lied when they came out of your mouth
you tried so hard to understand them
you wanted to be part of what was happening
you saw them having fun
and it seemed like such a mystery
almost magic
made you think that there was something wrong with you
you'd look in the mirror trying to find it
you thought that you were ugly
and that everyone was looking at you
so you learned to be invisible
to look down
to avoid conversation
the hours
days
weekends
ah the weekend nights, alone
where were you
in the basement?
in the attic?
in your room?
working some job?
just to have something to do
just to have a place to put yourself
just to have a way to get away from them
a chance to get away from the ones that made you feel so strange and ill-at-ease inside yourself
did you ever get invited to one of their parties
you sat and wondered if you would go or not
for hours you imagined the scenarios that might transpire
they would laugh at you
if you would know what to do
if you would have the right things on
if they would notice that you came from a different planet
did you get all brave in your thoughts
like you were going to be able to go in there and deal with it
and have a great time
did you think that you might be "the life of the party"
that all these people were gonna talk to you
and you would find out that you were wrong
that you had a lot of friends
and you weren't so strange after all?
did you end up going
did they mess with you
did they single you out
did you find out that you were invited
because they thought you were so weird
yeah, I think I know you
you spent a lot of time full of hate
a hate that was pure as sunshine
a hate that saw for miles
a hate that kept you up at night
a hate that filled your every waking moment
a hate that carried you for a long time
yes I think I know you
you couldn't figure out what they saw and the way they lived
home was not home
your room was home
a corner was home
the place they weren't- that was home
I know you
you're sensitive
and you hide it, because you fear getting stepped on one more time
it seems that when you show a part of yourself that is the least bit vulnerable
someone takes advantage of you
one of them steps on you
they mistake kindness for weakness
but you know the difference
you've been the brunt of their weakness for years
and strength is something you know a bit about
because you had to be strong to keep yourself alive
you know yourself very well now
and you don't trust people
you know them too well
you try to find that "special person"
someone you can be with
someone you can touch
someone you can talk to
someone you won't feel so strange around
and you found that they don't really exist
you feel closer to people on movie screens
yeah, I think I know you
you spend a lot of time daydreaming
and people have made comment to that effect
telling you that you're "self-involved" and "self-centered"
but they don't know, do they
about the long nightshifts alone
about the years of keeping yourself company
all the nights you wrapped your arms around yourself
so you could imagine someone holding you
the hours of indecision
self-doubt
the intense depression
the blinding hate
the rage that made you stagger
the devastation of rejection
well
maybe they do know
but if they do
they sure do a good job of hiding it
it astounds you how they can be so smooth
how they seem to pass through life as if life itself was some divine gift
and it infuriates you to watch yourself with your apparent skill,
and finding every way possible to screw it up
for you, life is a long trip
terrifying and wonderful
birds sing to you at night
the rain and the sun
the changing seasons
are true friends
solitude is a hard won ally
faithful and patient
yeah, I think I know you

IP: Logged

Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Aug 2000

posted August 14, 2000 09:17 PM               

---

That is great!!
Thanks man, it is great to have people like yourself help out a total stranger.
Then again, I always have been a stranger sometimes life is a stranger to us, and we separate ourselves from everything. We cant even recognize ourselves in the bathroom mirror?
"STILLHERE......NOT DEAD, JUST HERE"

IP: Logged

Posts: 1336
From:Atlanta GA
Registered: Jan 2000

posted August 14, 2000 09:30 PM               

---

StillHere,

How old are you? Any children?

Remember that life is a series of changes - the only thing constant in life is its inconsistency.

Everyone fears change - to a point. We get comfortable in what we know - a relationship, a job, a home, etc. Change can be very stressful.

It can also be very positive. I don't want to go on and on with this right here - I'd like to know how old you are though - and if you don't mind sharing - what you do career wise.

Later

Matt

IP: Logged

Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Aug 2000

posted August 14, 2000 09:36 PM               

---

I am 25, I have one gorgeous little girl.
She makes me feel truly alive.
Every cell in this meat wagon loves her.
I am working on finishing up a degree in NUTRITIONand DIETETICS and an R.D.
I work with kids.
A smile on kids is what is keeping me alive right now.
SPECIALLY AFTER THAT POEM!!

IP: Logged

Posts: 16
From:
Registered: Aug 2000

posted August 14, 2000 09:38 PM               

---

Stillhere...do you have kids? I have a 2 year old, never married, but in court day in/day out custody battles. Restraining order against ex...he's an asshole, but thats beside the point. If you have kids, be strong for them. If you don't...you have to be strong for yourself. Turn to family, turn to your friends, and if things seem unbearable, get help. I had to...see the shrink lady once a week and let loose on all the shit that boils in my head...its nothing to be embarrased about. Sometimes you have to have someone who doesn't even know you, but is there to listen and help. In ways...I guess this is like a big shrink. People don't know you, but they still care. Thats nice to know, isn't it?
Don't give up...time heals everything.
DarkAngel

IP: Logged

Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Aug 2000

posted August 14, 2000 09:38 PM               

---

One more thing you guys are great!
Thanks SKYWALKER.
Thanks to everyone.
Bump to all of you!

IP: Logged

Posts: 183
From:NJ
Registered: Jul 2000

posted August 14, 2000 09:40 PM            

---

Bro, you got a kid! That is sooo cool, Kids are the greatest things in the world.. I'm always watching my friends kids and they are the coolest...Especially when I get to return them..ehehehe

Hack

------------------
RAGE, Rage against the dieing of the light!

IP: Logged

Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Aug 2000

posted August 14, 2000 09:42 PM               

---

Hey DARK
The shrink is my best friend!
Come to think of it you are right, you guys are now my shrinks.

IP: Logged

Posts: 1481
From:tampa, fl, us
Registered: Mar 2000

posted August 14, 2000 09:44 PM               

---

well bro i just got in for the night and just wanted to let you know that life gets fucked up for everyone. Life kicks me in the balls every time i get up from the last one. One kick in the balls after another. Weed helps, but dont use it to seperate yourself from reality for good. Just use it when everything is going crazy which if your life is anything like mine is every fucking day.

Good luck bro and just never think you are alone. Even the people that look like they have everything you want are screaming for help on the inside.

------------------
high grade marijuana is worth more than its weight in gold! Well worth the price of fighting in a war that has no honor.
www.alternativegarden.com
www.emeryseeds.com
www.hempqc.com

IP: Logged

Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Aug 2000

posted August 14, 2000 09:48 PM               

---

Come to think of it ....
MOE, HAVOC, everyone....
I 10....9...8..6..5.4.3.2....
I will be up there soon!

for a week now. Still hitting the gym.

IP: Logged

Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Aug 2000

posted August 14, 2000 10:01 PM               

---

Well Moe, I am stoned!
I have just seperated myself from reality. It is the best thing to do for now. It has been a week. Time is just there staring at me.
So, I do not want to piss anybody off I am out.
I will be back tomorrow, and yes, I will get my ass kicked tomorrow again.
Like everyday, I wipe the dirt, and stand up for another one.
"STILLHERE......SIGNING OUT....THANK YOU GENTLEMEN, LADIES."

IP: Logged

Posts: 177
From:Canada
Registered: Apr 2000

posted August 14, 2000 10:15 PM               

---

Hey bro,when times are tough try your best to look at what you have been blessd with.
And what you can do to influence other peoples lifes because of your sufferings.
Tupac said it best,"it's just me against the world" no worries time heals all,look at your wonderful daughter and how you have been blessed to have created such a beautiful soul.Always be thankful for what you have because as little as you have it can be gone in a blink of an eye.
It is easier saying it when you are not experiencing excruiating emotional pain that eats at you.But I have always used this as a way of knowing there will be a brighter day.
If you ever need to talk drop me a email bro.

IP: Logged

Posts: 1336
From:Atlanta GA
Registered: Jan 2000

posted August 14, 2000 10:19 PM               

---

Still,

You're my age - more or less - I'll be 25 in a few weeks. Do you think you may have gotten married too young?

Drop, me an email if you want or you have the time. I'm here to help you as much as I can........

Matt

IP: Logged

Posts:
From:
Registered:

posted August 15, 2000 02:56 AM               

---

Still Its BigJay I hope you get over this becsuase even though I'm a teen I've had some horibale times as everyone does. And you can always find some good in your life. Just look for the good and try and make it grow and be apart of your life. Good luck

IP: Logged

Posts: 267
From:Charlotte, NC
Registered: Jul 2000

posted August 15, 2000 07:55 AM               

---

I either shut everything else out, and get real mental. Probably not good. I dont ask for help. Sometimes it passes. Once it didnt and I almost died, on purpose, know what I mean? When your like that you think that its all over, now matter how many times youve been there. Im ok now but a time could come where that is out the window. I never learn.

IP: Logged

Posts: 804
From:houston,tx,US
Registered: Jun 2000

posted August 15, 2000 08:03 AM               

---

Sorry your feeling down , be strong, take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself am I going to let some bullshit get me down, fuck no, your stronger than that, this situation will pass and you will be pissed that you even stressed like you did, keep your head up bro and yes defenitely incorporate the herb , it will help you see the truth, peace and be strong.

IP: Logged

Posts: 77
From:
Registered: Apr 2000

posted August 15, 2000 11:48 AM            

---

Ministry at full volume and push ups, push ups, push ups ....

IP: Logged

Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Aug 2000

posted August 15, 2000 09:37 PM               

---

Thank you to every one that helped me out yesterday.
Thanks need help?
You can e-mail me

IP: Logged

Posts: 18
From:
Registered: Aug 2000

posted August 15, 2000 10:56 PM               

---

Hey! Sorry to hear how down you are..Get on an anti depressant..i swear it will do wonders! Hope you feel better

IP: Logged

Posts: 1768
From:
Registered: May 2000

posted August 16, 2000 09:06 AM            

---

Smoke some weed, pick up a hooker, lift some weights, watch some football. If all this fails, give Dr. Kevorkian a call.

[This message has been edited by Thick dog (edited August 16, 2000).]

IP: Logged

Posts: 239
From:TN
Registered: Jan 2000

posted August 16, 2000 09:13 AM               

---

Go to the gym and have a kick a** workout! Works every time!

------------------
Aaliyah: "If at first you don't succeed, pick yourself up and try again."

IP: Logged

Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Aug 2000

posted August 16, 2000 07:18 PM               

---

LOVE YOU GUYS!!!
Thanks!!!

I HAD A BAD DAY TODAY.....EVERYTHING WENT OK....STILLHERE"

IP: Logged

Posts: 553
From:burnaby, bc, canada.
Registered: Apr 2000

posted August 16, 2000 08:46 PM               

---

sorry bro..but drinking and smokin weed helps me out for the night..i can at least go to sleep..have shitty dreams..but i get them when i am sober anywayz...i did it for 3 months straight almost everyday! and that is when i was in gr.12.. went out for a girl for 2 and a half years, were best friends, then one day, she just dont like me anymore. DONE! oh well! alwayz was a smoker before that, but never a boozer, so i hit the bottle and the bong, worked good for 3 months. also hit the gym as hard as i could, and i still am. was a little hard to stop the drinking after 3 months almost everyday, got some stomach problems now?!?! but you know what, i just graduated so that was like 10 months ago? sept. of 99 i started all that shit. oh well, hope ya get better. thanx. this too, shall pass.

kram-mark
just do'in my best...

IP: Logged

Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Aug 2000

posted August 17, 2000 06:09 PM               

---

The gym and the bong are definitely a must!!!

IP: Logged

Posts: 177
From:Canada
Registered: Apr 2000

posted August 17, 2000 09:54 PM               

---

Keep your head up bro.
What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

IP: Logged

All times are ET (US)