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 THOUGHTS ON BREAKING WIND
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| Author | Topic: THOUGHTS ON BREAKING WIND |
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havoc Pro Bodybuilder (Total posts: 725) |
posted August 11, 2000 08:10 AM
  
When you meet a new women and your just getting to know her, you want to seem somewhat gentleman like so of course you dont exert any type of gases from your body that would offend or turn off. But I hate this particular situation: When she asks you to spend the night for the first time. Yeah you are probably going to get some ass but its afterwards that sucks in my opinion. Being on the high protein and just a gang of food diet that I am on, its virtually impossible for me not to have to sing a tune with my ass every now and again. OK so your done banging her and its time to go to sleep but you cant because you have a collection of gas that needs and I mean needs to be relieved. Over the years you realize you have different options, you can act like you need to piss and go in the bathroom and muffle the vapor with a towel or sit on the rug or even pillow, if applicable one can slide outside on the balcony and let loose as well, I believe the one I use on most occasions is that I just cant sleep and I feel uncomfortable(because there is nothing like the comfort of your own bed, room, fan or whatever makes your sleeping place what it is today). So I apologize for banging and leaving and go to my car, on the way I float around 9 consecutive Air Biscuits and around 7 more on the way home knowing I am destined to have a great night in my own bed with no gas in my stomach, beautiful. So if you have to fart in an adverse situation think of the options you have, set your plan of attack and execute. Good Luck and if any others have some reccomendations let me know, now if there are not any options for some reason I guess you just have to crack some ass and make it a better situation by waving the sheets up and down so she will maybe laugh and you can explain to her what each fart was like that one is some designer protein and this one is some brocolli etc etc. IP: Logged |
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~~~SlickassBiatch~~~ Amateur Bodybuilder (Total posts: 16) |
posted August 11, 2000 08:16 AM
your one sick puppy havoc. LMAO why not wait till she falls asleep? or is is so funkified it will wake her? ps: you checked your mail lately? ------------------ IP: Logged |
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Natymike Pro Bodybuilder (Total posts: 414) |
posted August 11, 2000 08:19 AM
this is so true, I usually go take a piss and let it rip, however I learned the hard way that you should not let it rip while she goes and takes a piss, I did this, then I fanned like I've never fanned before, but it didn't help, she came back about 1 minute later and her words were something like, OHHH DID YOU FART!!!! while she held her nose, then I just, played it off somehow, now I usually try to leave after I bang then let out a constant flow of ripps on the way to my car. ------------------ IP: Logged |
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havoc Pro Bodybuilder (Total posts: 725) |
posted August 11, 2000 10:13 AM
Yeah, Natymike I made the same mistake once only once, you cant break it while she is awake, you never know if she has to use the restroom or not. IP: Logged |
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MrMuscle Pro Bodybuilder (Total posts: 1665) |
posted August 11, 2000 10:56 AM
hell why not just let em rip..if she loves you she wont mind.... and btw i would think it was worse if you let a few out while banging her ------------------ "...damn you for not giving my TEST" - Metallica "After this show i'll be fat and happy again.....If i make it to the show...." - Lee Priest "Lets put some weight on the bar.." - Shawn Ray IP: Logged |
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Kahn Pro Bodybuilder (Total posts: 592) |
posted August 11, 2000 11:08 AM
Rip it when its convenient, man, that shit will kill you. I tore one off once when I my wife was sleeping. I was looking at her thinking how pretty she was when she's sleeping and her face twisted up and she yelled GOD DAMN WHAT IS THAT!!. It scared me cause I was busted and when I spun my head back into the pillow, she kicked the dog and told him to get his stinkin ass off the bed. I loved that dog. IP: Logged |
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Twisted_Steel Pro Bodybuilder (Total posts: 491) |
posted August 11, 2000 12:01 PM
Havoc I still belive your a putz, but good lord if what you just said isnt the gospel truth I dont know what is. Ill let you know how much I care about turning a girl off. The last girl I was dating before precontest, we had been on a week straight seeing each other. Because she lives a bit aways from me I elected to spend the night instead of driving home. Well, its 2:00 in the morning, she lives with her grandmother, so of course I couldnt get freaky. Anyway she gives me her bed, I have been fighting with this terrible bout of gas all day. My stomach was churning and turning, due to the pressure built up within. Finally, I think the bitch has left me to sleep, because for 20 minutes straight she kept coming back to fuck with me. SO i think its clear and I let go in her bed. God all mighty I didnt expect that smell. It bleed into the sheets and peeled the wallpaper. Sure enough she comes back in, IM like fuuuuuuuck. Dude, she put her hand to her noise and was like "WTF you nasty bastard". I never laughed so hard in my life despight the moments embarassment. ------------------ [This message has been edited by Twisted_Steel (edited August 11, 2000).] IP: Logged |
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havoc Pro Bodybuilder (Total posts: 725) |
posted August 11, 2000 12:07 PM
Great Story Twisted, I hold you in the same perspective little guy. IP: Logged |
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Rock_Man Pro Bodybuilder (Total posts: 490) |
posted August 11, 2000 12:27 PM
LMAO!!!!!! That is funny guys. Kahn, you had me in tears man! People in the office wanted to know what I was reading that made me laugh so bad!!! ------------------ Rock On! IP: Logged |
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Gilbyag Pro Bodybuilder (Total posts: 458) |
posted August 11, 2000 12:50 PM
LMAO!!! These are some funny "ass" storeis. lol Especially your Kahn, damn, cant say I have one to contirbute. I just normally go to the head and let'm rip there. IP: Logged |
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Rotten Pro Bodybuilder (Total posts: 340) |
posted August 11, 2000 12:53 PM
I used to try and wait until the "honeymoon stage" is over. You know the stage where you try to be the best person you can be so the other person doesn't see that you are actually human instead of being perfect. I don't agree with that idea anymore. It only causes sorrow in the future. I know I'm fucked up. I go out and try to find someone whos just as fucked up as I am. That way that everyones on an even playing field. Everybody farts. Even the best looking, prissiest, never breaks a sweat, no I don't do that on the first date girl farts. Its a part of life. Some of us just fart more than others. If she can put her mouth around your dick or will let you stick your dick inside her, then she will not take off if you fart. I always make a game out of it. You know, the fart game. See who can make the loudest fart. Its all good [This message has been edited by Rotten (edited August 11, 2000).] IP: Logged |
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