posted August 03, 2000 02:16 AM         

The problem is, I know if I punt the church my marraige would soon disintegrate. I would be telling my kids, don't listen to that crap. If/when it falls apart she will move back to her parents. She could not hold a job most likely, at least not anything substantial. I have a new business that is supporting us, but at this point is not going to allow good child support while supporting me also. Thats a big problem with divorce, - where there used to be one rent there is now two, where there was one electric bill there is now two etc. Her parents live about 3,000 miles away.

I have never been in romantic love before. There have been girls I have been interested in but they did not feel the same towards me, or vice versa- the girls interested in me I did not like. I probably would have never gotten married if my stake president had not commanded it. The only people I have ever loved - really deep down loved - is my children. It would damn near kill me not to be around them. I also don't want them to grow up being indoctrinated by the Mormon bunk - so that my intelligent talented daughters think they should only be baby machines (and not educated talented mothers - or maybe no kids if that is what they want). And I don't want my son being the dork I was in my 20's. I was some squeeky clean non-fucking non-masterbating non-drinking nerd. I wasn't bad looking , I got asked to be an exotic dancer - but I was WAYYYYY to square to do that. I did not date girls who were not Mormon (LDS). When my son turns 21 I would love to take him to a strip club. I have never been to a strip club, but would like to see what that is all about.

posted August 03, 2000 02:17 AM            

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IN IRON WE TRUST.

THE WEAK AND THE UGLY WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT WE ARE.

posted August 04, 2000 10:33 AM            

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"Pain, is just weakness leaving your body"

"...damn you for not giving my TEST" - Metallica

"After this show i'll be fat and happy again.....If i make it to the show...." - Lee Priest

"Lets put some weight on the bar.." - Shawn Ray

posted August 04, 2000 12:43 PM            

If that doesn't work out, you might consider getting custody of the kids, though this may be hard because you'd have to prove that your wife is an unfit mother.

posted August 06, 2000 02:31 PM         

I have talked to my wife about leaving the church. She still loves it. But she respects my decision to leave it, and has heard what I have to say about my feelings regarding : women, etc. She does not agree with me. I don't think she sees the possible conflicts yet regarding the children (whose right and whose wrong etc), and other issues. It is easy for my wife to go into denial and sublimate her feelings. She got run over about 12 years back - ruptured her lungs, broke her leg in like 30 pieces - but she never felt any anger over it. She had been a proffessional ballerina. I think it is unnatural to have that happen and not feel anger. So I think she is not realizing the consequences of all this.

note #1 : I am not looking for someone to tell me what to do. I have had ALOT of that. Thats the problem. As a result my view of life is really limited. I know that what we can concieve or imagine is based in part on what we have experienced. My experiences have been limited, so what I can imagine doing is limited. I am not looking to be told what to do, I am looking for possibilities so that I can pick one - or sythesize an even newer possible course of action by combining two idea presented here. I want to consider as many options as possible before I decide on a course of action. I don't want to snap my fingers 6 months from now and say "Drat, I could have done that if only I thought about it"

Note #2 : not masterbating option is wet dreams. I was Told not to masterbate so I did not.

[This message has been edited by FakingIt (edited August 06, 2000).]

posted August 06, 2000 10:41 PM            

Someone I know was part of a religious cult in Indiana. They believed in prayer healing and shunned doctors, etc. They became well-known when a child in the cult died from a very treatable condition.

Prior to that, "Ed" was a father of 6, and the whole family was in the cult. "Ed" had bad eyesight, but the cult's laws prevented him from getting it treated.

Finally, "Ed" got fed up with not being able to see well, and went to a doctor. He got glasses and then he could see fine. Naturally, the cult was enraged. They turned their backs on "Ed" and tried to manipulate his family into hating him.

For a few weeks, even his family turned on him. Such can be the power of these (to me irrational) beliefs.

Finally "Ed" said to them, "Look. I am leaving, with or without you".

His family left with him, moved to Florida, and now Ed makes 100K plus as a computer programmer.

His children are all normal. His oldest daughter, the one I know, is 23, attractive, ntelligent and well adjusted. You would never know unless she told you.

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FakingIt, although your situation is a little different, it is not unrelated.

You have kids and you have a responsibility to them. I think you need to have a long discussion with your wife about leaving together.

Can she survive outside of the Mormon world? Is she well educated or is she the stereotypical Mormon "baby maker"? Is she frustrated with the situation as well? Does she understand that people do actually get married for other reasons than populating a church?

How would leaving the church change her? Is it feasible? I know you can't sit around and hope she will change, but you still owe your best efforts to your kids.

I guess what I am saying is that the best course of action would be for you to take the entire family away from the church and try to maintain some sort of family.

I know you want to try new things and live life unencumbered, but I can't advocate leaving your family.

email me if you want - I would like to hear more but I understand if you are less than eager to post it all.