posted July 19, 2000 08:13 PM         

Q: What do women and tornadoes have in common?

A: They twist when they come and they take the house and car when they go.

posted July 19, 2000 10:24 PM            

(and true)

posted July 20, 2000 01:00 AM            

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--
eFiGy

"conan, what is best in life?"
"TO CRUSH YOUR ENEMIES, TO SEE THEM DRIVEN BEFORE YOU, AND TO HEAR THE LAMENTATION OF THE WOMEN!!!"

posted July 20, 2000 06:45 AM            

A guy picked up a hooker, she had 3 big tits. He didn't know which one to suck, so he started with the middle one. When he's done, she said, "I been meaning to pop that zit for a long time!"

posted July 20, 2000 09:47 AM            

ok, this is one about incest;

One very hot summer day the father comes home from work to find his son standing on a chair with his bare ass stuck in the freezer.

The father asks his son, "what are you doing"?

The son replies," well dad, after a long, and hard days work I thought you might want to come home and have a cold one!

Pitbull

posted July 20, 2000 11:42 AM            

Q : What do you do after raping a deaf, dumb and blind girl?
A : Break her fingers so she can't tell her mum

Mike and Bill are old fishing buddies who haven't seen each other in years. They
used to grow up together in the old neighborhood and go fishing every chance
they could.
Deciding it was finally time to catch up with each other, the two friends
embarked on a fishing trip and began talking about what was going on in their
lives.
Hey Bill, Mike says, "Remember Ellen Banks?"
Bill smiles, "You mean Easy Ellen? You mean Every Imput Ellen?!? Yeah. I
remember her all right! Didn't she have sex with the entire football team?"
Yep. That's her. Mike replies.
Well, what about her?
Mike smiles as he unpacks his fishing gear... "I married her." he says proudly.
Feeling embarrassed, Bill tries to make up for insulting his friends wife.
Boy...I guess you must have a pretty great sex life with that Ellen! Bill says
uneasily.
Mike sighs and says: "Well, not really. Her pussy is covered with sores and
lesions and it's really dirty. I actually can't have sex with her at all."
Well, Ellen had some great tits! I bet at least those keep you happy!
Mike shakes his head no. "Her breasts are covered with cancer and they really
can't be touched."
"But Ellen was known for giving great blow jobs! Those must get you thru the
night."
Mike shrugs his shoulders. "Nope. She can't do that either anymore. Her mouth is
riddled with herpes and mucus. I'm not even supposed to kiss her."
Bill looks over at his friend perplexed..."So if you can't fuck her, suck her
tits, get a blow job or even kiss her...why did you marry her?!?"
Casting his fishing line out into the water, Mike grins at his friend and says:
She shits the best worms!

posted July 20, 2000 02:01 PM            

guy walks into a bar and goes to the bartender
he says "give me bottle of your finest wine, i'm celebrating a special occasion"
bartender goes "whats the occasion"
guy goes "just got done with my first blowjob"
bartender congratulates him and gives him the bottle of wine
guy comesback a little later and goes "i want another bottle"
bartender goes "whats the special occasion this time"
guy says "nothing, i just can't get the taste out of my mouth"

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"The race is long... and in the end, it's only with yourself."

posted July 20, 2000 09:37 PM         

A: An epileptic.

Hope I didn't offend anyone, but that is some funny shit.

posted July 23, 2000 03:50 AM            

never good at telling jokes.
these are great
keep them coming

posted July 23, 2000 04:58 AM            

A rape victim.

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How does a barefoot woman cross the road?

Who cares! WTF is she doing out of the kitchen?
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Why don't women wear watches?

They have that clock on the stove.
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What's the definition of making love?