posted July 17, 2000 11:31 AM            

I recently split up with a girl of 3 years, and it hurt, I wont lie, but I knew it was for the best. Look at it this way......if you are not happy and you know the other person deserves to be, then can your really fill that role??

So in essence by staying with that person, you not only make a bad situatio worse, but you will wind up making two people very unhappy, and the pain will be worse in the end.

Bottom is life is short, and the only way to die free is to die happy.

posted July 17, 2000 02:10 PM            

its a part of life to go through trials and tribulations. unfortunately breaking someone's heart or getting your heart broken is one of them.

you never know, he might feel the same way like you do.

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"The race is long... and in the end, it's only with yourself."

posted July 17, 2000 03:00 PM            

after a while, and i've ALWAYS been amazed at how little time it takes, they dump me. then it's not so hard. they don't hate you they just don't want to date you anymore. this way there is no bad blood and you can be friends if you really want. one girl i dated was my best friend and i didn't want to loose that but didn't want to date her anymore. i thought i owed her the honesty to tell her straight. well she hated me and it took a long time before we could begin to be friends.

posted July 17, 2000 03:22 PM            

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Expect the unexpected.

posted July 17, 2000 03:42 PM         

Alot of THANKS to SkyDancer, what would I do with out you girl!

posted July 17, 2000 03:46 PM            

If you need someone to talk to, I use to live at the "Heart Break Hotel" for a long time:
[email protected]

posted July 17, 2000 07:14 PM            

And to all you guys..I'm delighted to read your replies to this topic. Most posts I've read (and will read in the future I'm sure) are very macho, funny, sexual, gross etc...and always good for a laugh... its nice to see that you all have alter egos too. Plus I really like seeing your honest opinions on the subject.

Check: Going away bj????? lol - thats one way I guess!

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Patience is a bitter plant, but it has sweet fruit.

posted July 17, 2000 09:37 PM            

Don't jump into anything too quickly...I call it re-bound love sugar!! And Ole Ranger's just like a big cuddly basketball at times....enjoy your time...do things you like to do...it will still hurt...but it will get better....when men notice you and give you the proper attention you deserve...you'll see the pain move quickly away....be careful of the bar hawks!!

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Ranger

posted July 18, 2000 11:52 AM            

Be careful D - get yourself some pepper spray if you are not licensed to carry. Tell him that you won't meet him, particularly under these threatening circumstances. Do you have a friend that can stay with you at your apt for awhile? Have you changed your locks? Phone number? Is he seriously threatening you?

Man I hate guys like this...be very very aware and careful when you are out and about.

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Patience is a bitter plant, but it has sweet fruit.

posted July 19, 2000 08:53 AM         

HE CALLED LAST NIGHT FROM WORK (CAUSE HE IS ON NIGHT SHIFT ) AND APOLOGIZED FOR EVERYTHING HE SAID TO ME EARLIER IN THE DAY.

posted July 20, 2000 10:01 AM            

MY HEAD IS GOING TO FUCKING EXPLODE IF I HEAR HOW YOU LOVE A GUY WHO HAS WAS NOT ONLY LOCKED UP FOR BEATING ON PREVIOUS GIRLFRIENDS BUT WHO HAS PUT HIS HANDS ON YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is no way that a man who is capable of such behavior is even REMOTELY capable of feeling LET ALONE expressing love.

I know you all might think this is harsh, but there is such a thing as tough love and that is what I am exhibiting. Dlady, do you think you deserve to die? Because that is what may very well happen.

Girl do whatever it is that you have to do to figure out why you would be drawn to a guy like this in the first place - let alone feel a longing for his company. Do you feel that you are not deserving of sincere, gentle, caring affection, support and frienship? Because if you did, none of this would be an issue. Look inside yourself, reach deep down - deal with who or whatever it is that has made you feel this way about yourself and fix it!!! You are a good person and deserve to be treated with respect - however if you do not demand it, chances are you will not get it. Girl, stand up - look in the mirror and repeat, "I am a wonderful human being that deserves to be treated with respect." - now go out and live your life like you believe it.

posted July 20, 2000 11:05 AM            

I know, I know it seems easy for me but believe me when I tell you that I have fought hard to earn and keep the joys that I have in my life. I understand your desire to have someone share your life, but please DO NOT EVER SETTLE!!!! Everything happens for a reason. Perhaps this abusive relationship will be a catalyst for you to do some soul-searching and reconcile past hurts and grow into the strong woman that I KNOW you are - you just don't realize it yet. When you do realize and embrace your strength - the right guy, Hell many RIGHT GUYS will walk into your life - guys that may very well already be there, but you don't realize it yet due to the current "distractions" (for lack of a better word- I think you understand what I am trying to say here) ...and the rest, as they say, will be history.

posted July 20, 2000 11:44 AM         

anyhoo...

you'd rather settle for a scumbag, then wait for an awesome guy who will treat you right?

posted July 20, 2000 12:47 PM            

no flames, that wasnt a come on, Ive just seen the pics. hehehe

posted July 20, 2000 05:49 PM            

First, this man is incapable of love. Any man that can threaten, put his hands on, or harm ANY woman in any way, can never love a woman. All he "loves" is his own desires. Let me break it down a little more. It is always easy to say I love you when things are going great. He/she is having good sex, someone to come home to, go out with, doesn't have to do the singles scene, parents are happy you are settling down, someone to spend holidays with, someone to go out with
together with your couple friends...... Now, the question is, is this love for YOU??? or that your partner loves what he/she is GETTING from you??? In other words, fulfilling his OWN selfish desires? Well that is a question that could take a month of typing to try and answer. I can tell
you one thing I do know, when a man/woman starts harassing his/her partner in a relationship or during a breakup, all that person is really saying is "I don't care if you are happy in this relationship, I AM, and I am pissed off that you are trying to take that away from me, and I won't ALLOW you to." Am I explaining this clearly at all? (tough subject to put into words) Here is what a man who really loved YOU would say in a breakup (although if he loved you it probably
wouldn't get to this point): "Well, I am sorry that you feel the way you feel. All I can say is that I love you, I wouldn't ever want to hurt you, and if there is something that I have been doing to make you feel bad, for this I am sorry. I don't want this relationship to end, because you are the
most important thing in my life. I would rather we talk about what is wrong and try to work things out." See a difference? Now the person who cares only for himself will do the following things, which are all cunning tricks to "trap" you.

First, "the threaten." If this works he knows he will have you hooked to his side for the rest of his life, or at least as long as he wants you around. If he finds he can keep you just by threatening you, he will do it more and more often, even without a breakup situation. Now he knows he is free to do whatever he wants in this relationship, because even if he stays out all night with the guys and doesn't come home or call, or whatever it may be, he knows he can scare you into staying.

Second, the "sympathy apology." The treatening wasn't working. Not only that, but he saw he really WAS losing control of you, so better try another route quick! Give her the sympathy apology. "I'm soo sorry, I never meant to hurt you! I love you. I only did those things because I was going crazy thinking about what I would do without you." (editors note: again please notice the self reference in this statement, what I would do without you, which is concern for himself)
There isn't any justification for how he treated you! And remember, people don't change their moods do. So if you go back to him, things will be great for awhile, but only until he is no longer scared of losing you.

Third, the "look what you lost" technique. "I was the best thing that ever happened to you, and you blew it. (editors note: again, please note the lack feelings for YOUR feelings, all he is trying to do is hurt you) Some day you'll look back and see you threw away the only good thing you had going in your life! I loved you!" Hoping that just maybe he might get some mileage out of you
feeling old now at 27 and fearing growing old alone. There are so many tricks he might try to play, I could never name them all, but if you see some examples, maybe you might more easily see through him!

posted July 20, 2000 05:50 PM            

First, this man is incapable of love. Any man that can threaten, put his hands on, or harm ANY woman in any way, can never love a woman. All he "loves" is his own desires. Let me break it down a little more. It is always easy to say I love you when things are going great. He/she is having good sex, someone to come home to, go out with, doesn't have to do the singles scene, parents are happy you are settling down, someone to spend holidays with, someone to go out with
together with your couple friends...... Now, the question is, is this love for YOU??? or that your partner loves what he/she is GETTING from you??? In other words, fulfilling his OWN selfish desires? Well that is a question that could take a month of typing to try and answer. I can tell
you one thing I do know, when a man/woman starts harassing his/her partner in a relationship or during a breakup, all that person is really saying is "I don't care if you are happy in this relationship, I AM, and I am pissed off that you are trying to take that away from me, and I won't ALLOW you to." Am I explaining this clearly at all? (tough subject to put into words) Here is what a man who really loved YOU would say in a breakup (although if he loved you it probably
wouldn't get to this point): "Well, I am sorry that you feel the way you feel. All I can say is that I love you, I wouldn't ever want to hurt you, and if there is something that I have been doing to make you feel bad, for this I am sorry. I don't want this relationship to end, because you are the
most important thing in my life. I would rather we talk about what is wrong and try to work things out." See a difference? Now the person who cares only for himself will do the following things, which are all cunning tricks to "trap" you.

First, "the threaten." If this works he knows he will have you hooked to his side for the rest of his life, or at least as long as he wants you around. If he finds he can keep you just by threatening you, he will do it more and more often, even without a breakup situation. Now he knows he is free to do whatever he wants in this relationship, because even if he stays out all night with the guys and doesn't come home or call, or whatever it may be, he knows he can scare you into staying.

Second, the "sympathy apology." The treatening wasn't working. Not only that, but he saw he really WAS losing control of you, so better try another route quick! Give her the sympathy apology. "I'm soo sorry, I never meant to hurt you! I love you. I only did those things because I was going crazy thinking about what I would do without you." (editors note: again please notice the self reference in this statement, what I would do without you, which is concern for himself)
There isn't any justification for how he treated you! And remember, people don't change their moods do. So if you go back to him, things will be great for awhile, but only until he is no longer scared of losing you.

Third, the "look what you lost" technique. "I was the best thing that ever happened to you, and you blew it. (editors note: again, please note the lack feelings for YOUR feelings, all he is trying to do is hurt you) Some day you'll look back and see you threw away the only good thing you had going in your life! I loved you!" Hoping that just maybe he might get some mileage out of you
feeling old now at 27 and fearing growing old alone. There are so many tricks he might try to play, I could never name them all, but if you see some examples, maybe you might more easily see through him!

posted July 21, 2000 10:58 AM         

or maybe he thought you were a lesbian?

posted July 21, 2000 12:13 PM         

BUT YES, IT IS FUNNY!

posted July 21, 2000 01:08 PM         

GOD FORBID I EVER MEET ANY OF YOU HERE, YOU'D ALL THINK I WAS FROM MY WRITINGS THE BIGGEST NIMPHO WHEN REALLY I AM NOT, JUST LIKE TO HAVE FUN WITH "CERTAIN" PEOPLE!

posted July 22, 2000 11:24 PM            

Bmom and Sandie - great posts!

Dlady girl - hang in there okay?

------------------
Patience is a bitter plant, but it has sweet fruit.