posted July 15, 2000 03:59 PM            

my parents are divorced, I was caught right in the middle of the storm when they where breaking up, and I swore to my self that I would never put my children thru the shit my parents put me thru!

posted July 15, 2000 04:03 PM            

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Winners make promises, losers make excuses.

" When the odds are against me I prove them wrong, when all else fails I succeed, when all else ceases to live I breath, when all turns to ashes from it I rise, so it doesn't matter what you throw at me or what you do, I am, I do, that's all that matters."
-The Iron Tank.

posted July 15, 2000 05:20 PM            

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"Pain, is only weakness leaving your body"

"...damn you for not giving my TEST" - Metallica

"After this show i'll be fat and happy again.....If i make it to the show...." - Lee Priest

posted July 15, 2000 10:45 PM         

--If you are not absolutely 100% sure that you guys are meant to be together, then don't do it. If that little voice in your head isn't saying this is right...listen to it and don't do it.

--Understand that in some cases, the sex will decrease drastically following the honeymoon. Sometimes this happens without anything you or she does purposefully.

--Take it slowly. Do not allow anyone to pressure you into it...no matter how lucky you may feel you are to be with them...even if they threaten to leave you. Let them leave if they can't deal without having a ring to show off. That's not love. Pressured marriages never work out. Better off to lose a gorgeous gal because it wasn't right than to be married to one who isn't the right one.

--Realize that there are some people who will not ever let you know who they really are until they have the wedding band on. I know that's a scary thing, but my opinion is that living together is not so bad when you look at the divorce rates nowadays. Maybe if the two had lived in the same house then they might have properly gotten to know each other.

--If you move in with someone, make sure you use protection so that you don't make children when you don't want to.

--Understand that living with another person is one of the hardest things you'll ever do. Especially the first few years. There is lots of give and take. Be prepared to give in on some things and stand up for others.

--I know a couple who had their share of normal problems, but essentially didn't doubt that they loved each other. They had dated for 6 years (I think that's about how long) and then got married. One year after they got married he left her because she stopped having sex with him. He used to call me all the time and tell me how much he felt like he'd been cheated, that he felt he didn't really know her at all. We went out with them to eat dinner and all they did was sulk and never even look at each other. I felt sorry for them both. Love can go bad sometimes. Accept this. Don't get married until you know you are ready for it. If you are married and have any problems, do not hesitate to get help from a marriage counselor. They can make all the difference.

posted July 16, 2000 09:34 AM            

I have been married for 10+ years and have four beautiful little girls which are just a few of the many fruits of this union. Has it been a walk in the park? - ABSOLUTELY NOT (and I KNOW my husband seconds that emotion)! If I had to do it all over again, would I undo the past (meaning specifically my choice of a mate)? Honestly, I don't think that there is another man alive who could put up with my insanity. I'm a real nut! ...but I do (and always have from day ONE) trust and support my spouse in every aspect of his life and this is all that I (specifically) require in turn. Would it have been easier if my spouse and I had everything in common i.e. religion, ethnic background, etc - yes, but because we share an extremely similar value system and we do have many common goals we have been able to overcome many obstacles.

I always get annoyed when well-wishers say, "Good luck" to a newly married couple. LUCK HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH A GOOD MARRRIAGE! And as far as my feelings about love (I know you all are going to think I'm somewhat cynical); I don't believe that people get married for love. I believe they GET married because of hormones (you know, that "butterflies-in-your-stomach" feeling you get when you think about them, etc). Perhaps this is ONE of the reasons why too few marriages last. I believe that people STAY married because of love. I believe that love is something that you discover along the way. Think about it, when you have seen your spouse giving birth (NOTHING glamorous about that!), seen there bodies and faces age, seen them reduced to a pile of blubbering jelly because they don't think they can "handle" being a good wife, mother, and career woman on a regular basis, or being reduced to that same blubbering mass because YOU WANTED SO DESPERATELY TO BE EVERYTHING FOR YOUR FAMILY AND DESPITE YOUR BEST EFFORTS YOU FEEL EMPTY. It's not just the guy who feels, "Where the fuck did my life go and who the fuck am I married too?" We too make mistakes and don't realize the seriousness and complexities of our choices until we are in VERY DEEP. Good news if a good foundation is in place - you will be able to work through life and be able to come out better and stronger than before the problems arose - together, as a couple and separetly as two individual humans. So the bonuses are usually two-fold.

If you marry your best friend (someone you don't just enjoy a good roll in the sack with, but somebody YOU REALLY LIKE EVEN WHEN YOUR NOT DOINKING THEM) you will have someone to share EVERYTHING WITH! Good stuff and bad stuff. You'll have someone for your own personal cheering section when you feel like the biggest loser on the planet also someone to give a reality check and help you come back down to planet earth when your fucking up major big and are just too, well fucked up to realize it. You'll have someone to tell you how beautiful you are even though the baby is almost a year old and you still look like you are in your 5th month because he sees your soul and knows how smart, funny, caring, supportive, etc you are because he has fallen in love with YOU and not just your body. You will have someone that can still "rock your world" even though you have a pooch, are balding, and your arms are a not nearly as big as they were when you first wrapped them around her in what you thought at the time was a passionate embrace - pales in comparison to what she feels for you now - not sex, but honest, pure, hard-earned respect, friendship and LOVE.

posted July 17, 2000 11:50 AM            

My situation is a little complicated, and living with this person "out of wed lock" would not be an option, however there is no preassure and I can still see this person for another 3 years and not have to worry about rushing into a marrige.

posted July 17, 2000 02:11 PM            

Big RR and Mac Sloan, both you brothas take your time and enjoy your youth (this goes for the ladies, too!)! Develop your relationship with your best friend (hopefully this will be the girl you marry) and commit to each other collectively, body and soul. You will both know when the time is right.

I always say about marriage, "You should be shit-scared but DEAD-SURE."

Counseling is a wonderful thing! Remember, no one person has all the answers.

posted July 17, 2000 02:56 PM            

Bear always in mind that marriage is a work in progress. You'll never "have" a great marriage, but you CAN work toward having one. That'll be enough for anyone.

Been married myself almost 20 years, and never been more in love with my wife than I am today, though I love her less than I will tomorrow.

Bjaarki

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"'Til the weard of the world, stands, unforgotten,
high under Heaven, the hero's name." - Hrolf Krakki's Saga (Iceland)

posted July 20, 2000 01:38 PM            

Danm if I only knew what the "key" to making it work that long is???