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 pretty funny stuff
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| Author | Topic: pretty funny stuff |
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big_bad_buff Pro Bodybuilder (Total posts: 508) |
posted July 10, 2000 09:01 PM
  
What is the speed of dark? When you're sending someone styrofoam, what do you pack it in? Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATM's? If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras? How come you never hear about gruntled employees? What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free? After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water? If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi? What's another word for synonym? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs? Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11? How can there be self-help groups? Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why is it that when you transport something by car, its called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, its called cargo? Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays? Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Where are Preparations A through G? Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs? If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like? When you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away? When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting? What happened to the first 6 "ups"? If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow? Why does your nose run, and your feet smell? If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature. I was an only child, eventually. I lost a button hole. I got a dog and named him `Stay'. Now, I go `Come here, Stay!' After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn't move at all. I have a map of the United States, life size. 1 mile equals 1 mile. It's a pain to fold it. I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn't have to wait for it to age. Last year for Christmas, I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier.... I thought I'd put them in the same room and let them fight it out. My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them. Right now I'm having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, "Cut it out." Sponges grow in the ocean ... I wonder how much deeper the oceans would be if that didn't happen. I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'Do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'Oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.' Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums. What's another word for Thesaurus? When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?" You can't have everything. Where would you put it? If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer? I planted some bird seed. A bird grew. Now I don't know what to feed it. You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les. I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specific. I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say,' Have you got anything I'd like?' Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, ' Extra medium.' I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said. I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast. I have an answering machine in my car. It says "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." IP: Logged |
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Kaisersosay Pro Bodybuilder (Total posts: 248) |
posted July 10, 2000 10:07 PM
Funny stuff. 1.how can you have a sushi chef? 2.how do you get in an accident?did you mean to do it? 3.whats a jumbo shrimp? 4.who thought of Dodge Ram? 5.you park on a driveway,but drive on a parkway. 6.She's pretty ugly? You might of heard those before. IP: Logged |
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Romeo Pro Bodybuilder (Total posts: 330) |
posted July 11, 2000 05:32 PM
FUNNY STUFF FELLAS PEACE ROMEO IP: Logged |
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Big Buck Pro Bodybuilder (Total posts: 207) |
posted July 13, 2000 01:03 PM
bump ------------------ IP: Logged |
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cowbell Pro Bodybuilder (Total posts: 473) |
posted July 13, 2000 10:34 PM
funny bro!! whats up?? talk to ya later IP: Logged |
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MrMuscle Pro Bodybuilder (Total posts: 1211) |
posted July 15, 2000 05:15 PM
Dont you just hate it when people have lost something and they find it, and then they say "its always in the last place you look"...Offcourse it is you stupid fuck...why the hell would you continue searching after youve found it??? or when you pick up ypur keys and head out the door and someone ask "are you going for a drive?"...No you moron..im ognna go outside and throw my keys down the street, then see how long it takes me to find them... ------------------ "...damn you for not giving my TEST" - Metallica "After this show i'll be fat and happy again.....If i make it to the show...." - Lee Priest IP: Logged |
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