FRONT: Congratulations on your promotion.
INSIDE: Before you go though, would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again.

FRONT: I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.
INSIDE: After having met you, I've changed my mind.

FRONT: I must admit, you brought Religion in my life.
INSIDE: I never believed in Hell 'till I met you.

FRONT: Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder:
INSIDE: What the hell was I thinking?

FRONT: I always wanted to be rich, powerful, and well respected.
INSIDE: And while I'm dreaming, I wish you weren't so damn ugly.

FRONT: When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.
INSIDE: Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.

FRONT: The holidays are a great time to be with family.
INSIDE: Of course, your family won't be with you, since I'm taking the kids and moving in with my sister, you cheating bastard!

FRONT: We have been friends for a very long time,
INSIDE: let's say we call it quits.

FRONT: I'm so miserable without you,
INSIDE: it's almost like you're here.

FRONT: If you ever need a friend...
INSIDE: buy a dog.

Front: You've graduated!
Back : Now pack your shit and move out of my new den!

Birthday

Front: Another year has come to...
Back : Reminded me why most people should not procreate!