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 Elite Fitness Bodybuilding, Anabolics, Diet, Life Extension, Wellness, Supplements, and Training Boards
 Chat & Conversation
 I am a complete and utter FUCK UP!
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| Author | Topic: I am a complete and utter FUCK UP! | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder 
Posts: 1028 |
Sorry folks, but I must vent. Last night I took my incredibly fulfilling and entirely life-altering, yet odd, relationship and possibly flushed it down the crapper. Why? Chemicals, as David Gray says, "were rushing through my bloodstream." I took more G that I should have (every G user has done this) and wound up morphing into a sex-crazed asshole. It was as if all of my primal emotions were released, principally anger. Compassion and logic left and a dopamine-reduced haze was all that remained. Needles to say, I treated a girl I cannot envision myself without like a whore. That is, until I passed out. I have accepted complete and utter responsibility for my actions (and she understands the chemical aspects because she is a user, too). I have apologized. I have cried. I do not know what else I can do. I haven't been dumped... yet. But even if we stay together I feel as though I have broken us. It is as though all of the magic that we once felt for each other has died. The trust, in particular, is now absent. I am hollow. I didn't cheat on her. I didn't hit her. But, for about thirty minutes I lost my way, and in those thirty minutes, I may have lost her. Now all I want to do is grab her and hold her tight. She impassions me, inspires me, and fulfills me. She alters me with a smile, infatuates me with a stare, and destroys me with a sob. I was lofted by love, but emptiness has inundated. I am drowning. Puc ------------------     | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 749 |
Bro...I have never done G or X or any of that other crap...nor do I ever plan to.. If I were you the first step to mending this relationship would be to never mess with that shit again...That way she would never have to worry about you losing control of yourself.... ------------------ [This message has been edited by thefantom1 (edited January 04, 2001).] | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 780 |
Puc, relax. If she feels the same way about you as you do her, then she will understand that whatever the hell you took was responsible for the way you acted. She may be a little rattled at the moment, but just give her some time to get over it. If she really loves you like you love her, then she won't go anywhere. Hell we all have things about us that probably get on our significant other's nerves, and thats unavoidable. You said that you didn't beat her or cheat on her. If the only thing you did was call her some names while you were having sex with her, then I wouldn't worry about it. Tell her you are sorry (as I'm sure you already have), and explain to her that you weren't aware of what you were doing. Also tell her that if it means keeping her, that you will never touch that shit again. I bet she will understand. -TG | ||
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Guru 
Posts: 4184 |
Damn doggy what did you say to her? Or did you take it without asking, shit you cant be telling us all this without the details. If I don't know what happened I can't tell you what to do, or if your over-reacting or how to try and mend it. One good thing: she uses the stuff to. Damn I never got out of hand on G, I get somewhat horny but never a machine. ------------------ For a good time click here: Search and Profiles (300Kleens Board) | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 782 |
puc all is not lost, you can always reinflate her and have a serious talk and smooth things over with her. ------------------ | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 1028 |
My memory is a bit hazy, but from what she tells me I was vulgar. I entered the wrong orifice once. I poked her in the eye and didn't apologize. For some reason while she was jacking me off I moved her hand and started doing it myself (?). Then I started having sex and passed out in the middle of it. I was your basic asshole. She definitely seems really rattled. I think I convinced her to go to lunch with me later today. Any suggestions???? BTW - Over a 4 hour period I think I had a solid 12 grams. I woke up two hours after passing out and spent some time vomiting, as could be expected. Puc ------------------ | ||
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Guru
Posts: 4184 |
hmm well I would just be up front with her, it seems to me like you are sincere and that will shine through, if your were saying "yeah I fucked this bitch up last night and want to keep the hoe around" Id tell you to lie but be honest, say listen I dont remember all of what happened, but from what you told me I feel terrible and cant believe I could be capable of something like that (implying the G was more responsible than you) if you like I will quit the G if you think it would help our relationship or only do as much as you think is cool. whatdya think? ------------------ For a good time click here: Search and Profiles (300Kleens Board) | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder 
Posts: 542 |
not to make light of your situation , but , what did you poke her in the eye with ? either way , its probably not the end of the world , if she didnt run out screaming it couldnt have been that bad , but you may wanna take a break from the G , apparently you cant handle it . ------------------ | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 1476 |
Keep your hands off your meat at lunch. Don't poke her in the eye anymore. Pay attention to which hole you are entering. Nostril sex ain't nothing to play with. But seriously, I think it will be OK, sounds like she is in love with you. Maybe you should cut back on the chemical. You were and asshole, what else is new with the male species? | ||
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Guru
Posts: 3097 |
suggestions?...don't get real drunk and obnoxious at lunch... bro, honestly...i usually wait for them to pass out before i start doing all that stuff....haste makes waste... | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 1397 |
I wouldn't sweat it, if she's as incredible as you say she is then she'll understand. Most women are overly dramatic and make more of things then they usually are. Just be cool, know you fucked up, and learn from it. If your relationship is strong, then things will be OK. [This message has been edited by Rotten (edited January 04, 2001).] | ||
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Guru
Posts: 3097 |
act like you have no idea what she is talking about, then accuse of her of cheating on you..... | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 542 |
LOL .. thats funny SB | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 1028 |
LOL But, seriously, I do need her. She is so very valuable to me. First girl I would never even consider cheating on. I am 24, and before now, I never knew what love was. This relationship has redefined it. I have offered to drop the G, I will do so again when I see her. I think she was scared and disappointed. I would have been, too. She practically carried me through my abdomnoplasty ordeal; I don't know what I would have done without her. Now I repay her with this... I have been, up until this point, utterly loving, supportive, and caring. I went to ends to show her how she SHOULD be treated. Flowers, poems (one of these days I will post some), and many sacrifices I would never have made for anyone else. Now, I exposed the flipside. I built up her hopes and trust and then hammered the foundation into oblivion. I never wanted her to think of me as anything other than perfect FOR HER. God, I am a sap. But, I haven't spoken to her in 3 hours and I am lonely already. ------------------ | ||
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Guru
Posts: 2532 |
Ask here who poked her in the eye and with what? ------------------ | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder 
Posts: 62 |
Sounds like your at that stage in most relationships where you've both been putting each other on pedestals. You know, "She's the ideal....", "He's my ideal..." Trouble is, things tend to fall off pedestals. That's when you find out if they break. She's going to need time to rebuild trust. | ||
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Guru
Posts: 2420 |
Wodin...lol Puc...Show her that ol' penguin pic and just look really sad...if a girl won't take you back from pitty with that pic....then perhaps you need to find another hoe to slap around seriously, try a long long long letter, emphasisizing how important she is to you, do not mention the acts that you performed on her, kay | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 157 |
Show her this thread. Women want you to show them compassion and all that stuff, but I think they like it even more when you show other people how much you love them. You've openly confessed your total love for her, what could be better than that. If you are reading this Puc's girl, just keep the boxers, I've got about 20 other pair. | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 184 |
Been there bro. MY DECISION to use drugs cost me a girl or two in the past. The best advice I would say, altho it is hard as hell to follow, is to just let her go and not call her. You'll know if she truly forgives you only if she makes the decision to call you. Just me. [This message has been edited by Mr. Roarke (edited January 04, 2001).] | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 828 |
Oh fuck, if this wasnt so damn sad it would be funny...at least you have some sort of pathetic excuse to blame it on...drugs. I've had to deal with a couple of assholes like that...except they were stone cold sober and the only excuse they had was the fact that they were assholes. Pure and simple. Fuck, youre lucky...good thing she loves you...I woulda cold cocked ya. | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 1476 |
Special Bill has it right. Deny everything and then accuse, accuse, accuse | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 1028 |
I think I will show this to her. Seems like everything I would want to say in a letter... Wish me luck, peoples, I need this one... badly. Puc ------------------ | ||
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Guru
Posts: 2420 |
I'll wish you luck if you can throw up that werid penquin pic again......please  | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 1028 |
sorry shags... the website I got it from went down... don't know where to find it. BTW I just printed this thread and gave it to her (cause we see each other at work occasionally) seeing her kills me. I used to think I was so hard. I am crazy ------------------ | ||
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Guru
Posts: 2420 |
Thats ok....just another female you have disappointed...  Buck up little camper.....in a couple years she will only remember the incident every time she gets mad at you | ||
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Guru
Posts: 2258 |
Puc - showing her this post is a good idea. Man, way to pour it out. You convinced me you didn't mean it. Goodluck and happy careful poking. | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 157 |
Well, what happened? | ||
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Guru
Posts: 2264 |
Dude you show her this thread and it is over, but it was a very funny thinking about her reading it. Sound like your true sex needs came out. You should embrase them, some girls like it that way. your a skull phuker aren't you? | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 1028 |
She is forgiving me, but I think it is going to take some time before everything has been smoothed. I told her that there was nothing I wanted more than to promise that it would never happen again -- that I would never hurt her again. But, I was faulty and thus couldn't guarantee it. I did promise that I would continue to try and be perfect for her, because she was for me. I did promise that when I did make mistakes I would be culpable, as I was this time. I told her to take as much time as she needed before she was comfortable having a physical relationship with me. And that if she ever needed me, I would be there. Puc ------------------ | ||
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Guru
Posts: 4184 |
Puc I feel you and everything but man act like a man, yeah you fucked up so what?? I guarentee she will be back anyway - chances are even if you were a dick and were like "yeah I poked your eye so what? I was faded and your eyes are pretty" she would eventually get back with you. Point is a couple weeks from now your going to look back and say: damn I wish I would have saved some of my dignity going through that little crises. When I fuck up bad with a girl I like, I make a point and dont talk about the situation the next day or so, it gives me #1 my brain to be properly functioning - you know most of the time I was drunk and did something stupid and #2 lets the situation sit for a day and it isn't as urgent and the tears arent wet anymore. hope everything works out btw: dont print this one out and show it to her.. ------------------ For a good time click here: Search and Profiles (300Kleens Board) | ||
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Guru
Posts: 2264 |
If you just dicker real good she will always come back. | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 54 |
She may be looking for a reason to break up with you. Soon you won't be able to do anything right. | ||
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Cool Novice 
Posts: 41 |
Not trying to act like the know-it-all but I have seen a couple of good friends goin through some of their worst mess-ups and all I have to say is that we all are gonna mess up one time or the other, it always happens after you build up that trust, like you said. And yes it can be a big shock but you have to give it time and tell her that you never meant to hurt her in any way and that you can't be perfect all the time, it's not possible man. Peace ------------------ | ||
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Cool Novice
Posts: 11 |
Dood If I was you I would have probably been real upset... for bout 1 min then, slap slap slap beat that whore till she takes ya back. I mean shit she's just a woman.
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 59 |
Puc, I hear ya bro! EXACT same thing happened to me, except it was alcohol and not G, and no sex was involved, I was just an asshole at the party we were at during NY's eve. She says she forgives me, but like you, I feel that something has been lost. She even said so during that night that she put me on a pedestal, but then she finds out my "real" personality. Yes, it's true guys! Our real personality only shines through when we're high/baked/drunk. The other 99.999% of the time, we're faking it. ------------------ | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 202 |
Puc: Wow, Sorry to hear about the major blunder. But I honestly believe everything can be fixed eventually. First and Foremost to fix this situation you have to get the respect she has lost from you. <-- You obviously made this chick feel like a sex-object, and made her feel pretty small. Because she has been on this drug as well, i assume she may understand but the damage has been done. Best of Luck Puc | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 150 |
dude, i just hope your boss (her daddy right?) doesnt find out you treated his girl like that... dont blame it on the drugs... blame it on you. tell her it was your fault, not the drugs, that is a sorry excuse... tell her you just didnt rationalize what you were doing. | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 1028 |
Thanks for the support peeps. I think we are going to be okay. She has spent the last day or so basically trying to hurt me. She has, by nature of her proximity to my heart, been very effective at it. Today I told her she has hurt me enough, and I couldn't continue apologizing forever, and that we needed to start learning to trust again. She agreed. I haven't slept in two days. I haven't been able to eat or work. I have never been this way with anyone before. God life is odd. Now if only this hole in my stomach would stop oozing puss I would be skippy. Why do all life-altering events seem to happen in bunches. I never thought I would have a major medical issue occur at the same time I would fall in love with the 16 year old daughter of my boss... fuck this, i'm going on Springer... Puc ------------------ | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 150 |
you did that to a 16 year old?
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 1028 |
Absolutely. There are MANY age-disparity related issues that will have to be dealt with throughout the course of this, but I am willing to try. If it doesn't work out, I will be OK. If I let it go without giving it a chance, I would regret forever. I would rather fail than not try. Always remember, LIVE IMMEDIATELY! Puc ------------------ | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 76 |
puc, don't try to be perfect. it's a nice thought but it won't happen b/c it can't happen. and if you promist perfection, all that will do is let her down, even at the smallest thing you may do wrong. also, don't quit the drug for her, quit for yourself. maybe you could both quit together, that way it would mean more. it would also be a good start to rebuilding trust, and finding other things to do together that could help you find that extra spice you need in the relationship. good luck and remember it will take both of you some time to feel 100% around eachother...in the end, all you can do is try, but if you try, do it sincerely. | ||
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Cool Novice
Posts: 34 |
Curry has believe it or not had this problem ona few occasions. Yes people, its true.. I know, I know... hard to believe but true. Mind you I always come out on top (so to speak hehe) afterwards. Curry has on occasion gotten friendly with the alphabet soup (ghb) and if you think curry is hot sober, you should see what happens to me on the g! I have had my fair share ok pokes, slaps, 'tainted love', and knive throwing - the ladies know it comes with the package - which they all keep coming back to open! Remember women are like waves, a beutiful powerfull force that you cannot control, but can ride. So ride the wave, my strungling young friend. ------------------ Visit my website and learn how to live! rubberburner.com | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 76 |
would you like to give austin powers his clothes back? | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 1028 |
ROFLMAO Curry!!!!! ------------------ | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 688 |
16 isn't important. the satutory rape laws in indiana are 15 and under. |
All times are ET (US) | |
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posted January 04, 2001 12:11 PM
