Dear United States Customs,
I apologize for purchasing illegal substances from a source overseas. I know now that I should have requested better packaging or attempted to purchase from a domestic source within the U.S. Unfortunately, ________ (put sources name here) at ______ (put sources address here) gave me such a great deal for ____ (name products here), that I couldn't refuse. Although I was purchasing a large amount of drugs, I was not going to share them with ____ (put names of friends who also do steroids here). And though it may seem I have committed a large offense, please make note that no actions were taken for ___ (name past felonies such as murders or rapes) which I committed on ____ (name of victim). Once again, I am regretfully sorry for attempting to decieve you fine people at customs, and promise to have my source package the goods better next time.

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peace,

Where ya' been man, we've been waiting for more of your "creative" writing!