posted May 17, 2000 05:21 PM            

OK, OK, ASSFACE understands we all have the same things we hate at the gym , mattskywalker said it best - until one of us opens a gym and only board members go, we have to deal with it. ASSFACE says we can also deal with it, but we dont have to deal with it sitting down!!. THIS IS the reason ASSFACE has developed these strategies of dropping protein farts and stinky bombs in and around the geeks, stickboys, cousin franky's, tina corolla's, carolyn cameltoe's, and dumbbell dipshits at your very own gym!!
THE HIT AND RUN - effective, and you can laugh about it from a safe distance. Walk by them during their set, drop your protein fart, run away. Watch them cringe 15-20 seconds later.
THE YEAH I DID THAT - when squidly hops in front of your mirror, drop your bomb and sit there staring at 'em. They will cringe and then you can say"Yeah, I did That!
THE UPPER DECK- effective against douchebag gym owners and their little cousin Franky who works behind the desk - only works on toilets with a water tank on top. Close stall door - take of water tank lid - drop you stinky bomb in the tank - put the lid back on. By the time they realize where the smell is coming from - they have a water tank full of stew on their hands.
THE STINK PLATE - also effective against douchebag gym owners -in your home - pack a paper plate and saran wrap in your gym back. Go to the gym. In the locker room, hit a stall and crap on the plate. Cover it with saran wrap. No make sure no one sees you, put the plate in a locker and lock it. Flush the key down the toilet. stink plate in the house.
THE CLUSTER BOMB- have your trainging buddies eat some beans and rice before the gym. Throw in some cheerios for good measure - with your training buddies in tow, you can drop a string of protein farts in a hit and run fashion anywhere in the gym.
THE YOU THINK ITS THERE STINK BOMB - when you see squidly coming towards the water fountain, beat him there, take your drink, squeeze out a nice protein fart, then run away. Squidly then steps up to the fountain, and the people in line behind him thinks its his stink!
THE AEROBIC BOMB - usually the aerobic areas have fans blowing all around. In this area, go up wind of the person who is your target. Let er rip and the fan powered protein fart drifts there way. Very effective against the cell phone runners as they arent paying any attention to whats going on. They tlak, talk, and then cringe as the waft of decaying myoplex enters their nostrils.
ASSFACE HAS FUN AT THE GYM. NEXT TIME YOU FIND YOURSELF STANDING IN A HAZE OF PROTEIN FART, CHANCES ARE IT BY SOMEONE USING ONE OF THESE TECHNIQUES.

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"I went to the gym today because I dont want to spend the rest of my life knowing I could have been one day bigger!" - ASSFACE

posted May 17, 2000 07:58 PM            

Well we can all just hope he's having fun down there.

posted May 18, 2000 02:28 AM            

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"Pain is only weakness leaving your body!"