posted April 26, 2000 04:20 PM            

The Dead Pool 2000

By Anonymous

Note: Nuclear Nutrition does not assume any responsibility for the following
article. It was sent to us anonymously and since it does not name names, we
thought it would be entertaining to post it. Ultimately it is the reader who
makes the final decision on what is real and what is done in jest.

Well it's a new millenium and time for another chance to take bets
on which of bodybuildings walking dead will finally "buy the farm"
due to extreme ignorance and massive amounts of drug use. You
know how it works. So read on and see if you agree.

D arius P hillips: If you look up the term drug abuse in
Webster�s dictionary in 10 years, this fucking guys hideous mug
should be right next to the definition. Talk about the walking dead.
Rumor has it this guy was a skinny 160lb. Long distance runner back
in 1990 and managed to pack on over 150lbs of muscle over a course
of 2 years. His secret?? GOBS AND GOBS of GH and a never
ending cycle of 2 grams of test every week�..Even While dieting.
One look at this guy can make a blind women puke. He�s got the brow
ridge of a Neanderthal, the stomach of a lowland mountain Gorilla
and the feet of Sasquatch. All of this due to extreme GH abuse.
Anyone here think it�s normal to have your shoe size shoot up 2
notches at age 30?? Well it�s normal if 18iu of GH per day is what
you have with your Cheerios! The weird thing about Darius is that he
will never turn pro and doesn�t even place high in national level
competitions. Darius is the only bodybuilder I have ever seen that is
actually MORE ripped in the off season than when he diets down for
a competition. Razor thin skin, bulging neck veins and cable thick
veins spread out all across his body, this freak should join the
W.W.F. with the moniker: THE EXPERIMENT�that is the
experiment gone horribly wrong. All of these things put Darius atop
the list of the Deadpool. If I had to choose the next bodybuilder to
go to the big pharmacy in the sky it�s Darius without a second
thought.

P ierre D onnelly: Gasping for air, wheezing like an asthmatic
with emphysema, Pierre redefines the term lazy mother fucker.
Rumor has it the great, great, great great grandson of Dr.
Frankenstein conducted secret experiments on this fucking dope
except rather than trying to bring a dead person back to life, he
ended up making a person who was alive look like he was about to
drop dead. 18-24i.u.�s of growth a day are not uncommon for
Pierre�mostly because he has to compensate for his pathetic work
ethic and the fact that he cannot figure out how to divided smaller
doses from an 18 I.U. vial of serostim. You have not lived until you
have witnessed Pierre gasping for air after walking 10 feet to his
car from the front entrance of the gym. Possible the only person
who has a forehead that can rival Darius� , If Pierre died tomorrow
the only shock would be how in the fuck he has managed to live this
long.

B yron P eterson: The first person to make the list because of
AIDS potential, B yron has practically given up on bodybuilding so he
can concentrate fully on sucking cock on camera. Deciding that
making money is making money no matter how you do it, B yron
frequently advertises on gay chat rooms and message boards and
offers his services to the highest biding fag. Everyone wondered
how on earth he got his pro card a few years back, especially since
the contest he won was not a pro qualifier. No problem, Good Ole B
yron simply dropped to his knees and faster than you can say "baby
batter" the contest was made a pro qualifier and all previous
winners (of which there was only Byron) where retroactively given
their pro-card. See what a solution of 98% protein 2% water and a
little salt will do for your career� The only stage Byron can be seen
on these days are the sound stages for the gay pornos he proudly
does.

J ohn P hillip F arley: Perhaps the only man in the history of
the world who will die because his internal organs are going to
explode out of his chest. Can you say massive amounts of Insulin, GH
and I.G.F-1 This guy shocked the world when he showed up at his
first pro show 45lbs. heavier and in better condition than when he
won his pro card the previous year. Since then his muscle size has
remained the same, but his internal organ size has not stopped
growing. With abdominals that stick out and are thicker than Dorian�s
traps, this guys heart cannot possible keep up the pace. Also
rumored to be a total Nubain addict this guy will invariably die a
quick death soon. His only consolation is he won�t feel a damn thing
with all that �Bain in his system

M ontel S alvatore: Hailing from Northern Europe, Montel has
only competed in one pro show--the N.O.C.-- in which he looked
awful�losing all of his amazing size�except the size of his
jaw�when he stepped onstage, it was clear the only thing this guys
knows how to do well is take drugs. Bizarre looking from head to
toe, Montel was supposed to be the next coming of Dorian, but one
look is all it takes for you to realize that this "Gym Physique" will
soon join Curtis Leffler in the same "TRAINING ROOM IN THE
SKY" Where they will no-doubt continue to mainline GH and every
other conceivable compound together

C hristine S impson-M argolis: This former fitness
Olympia winner and rather flexible individual makes the list
much the same way Byron did ..thru a warped and wild
swinger, bi-sexual sex life. Next time you see Christine and
her husband at a pro show or bodybuilding event�get a bunch
of guys together and follow her around. Fact is, Christine's
husband loves nothing more�as does Christine�to watch her get
wildly gang fucked by groups of men while he video tapes the whole
thing. Can you say AIDS you fucking sick bitch�..Sluts like this are a
dime a dozen in the porn business and although it might be fun to
bend her into a pretzel and fuck the snot out of her with a bunch of
your buddies, you dick will look like a cheese pizza with everything on
it within 2 weeks of fucking this skank and will fall off leaving you
with nothing but memories.

R ichard C ardillo: Arguably the greatest physique to ever
step on a pro stage, Richie has managed to add 30lbs of lean tissue
and lose 15 pounds of fat within the last few years. Not the
sharpest tack in the box, this guy was given a lot of respect because
he worked a full time job and continues to do so today even though
he does not need to anymore. Recently overheard complaining that
his coach was "Killing me" as he was on his couch with an I.V. drip
hooked up. Richard himself has stated that he is out of the sport in 2
years because his body cannot take the drugs much longer.