posted March 27, 2000 10:41 AM         

There are scads of steroid users around the world, but none more blatant (and abusive) than pro bodybuilders. The vast majority of them won't talk about steroids in public, and if you ask one about their personal steroid use during a seminar, they're liable to juggernaut their way through the crowd and squat hump you to death with their massive frames. However, get one alone, one that trusts you, promise him anonymity, and he'll probably tell you anything you want to know.

Most of the time, they're somewhat proud of their abuses, as if taking vast amounts puts them in the same category of risk takers as those guys that jump over busses with their motorcycles.

Testosterone will occasionally publish interviews with some of these guys, mostly out of a morbid curiosity about what kind of pharmaceutical terrors they're willing to endure to get the freakish look so highly coveted by most hardcore bodybuilding fans.

Installment four of "Steroid Freaks From Around the World" is with a British bodybuilder who is now retired from competition but used to place quite high in the Universe contest. He now supplements his income by serving as a European drug guru for various top-level amateur and professional athletes, many of whom are in track and field.

We've given him the alias of "LB," for Limey Bloke. We don't know if it's politically incorrect to call him a "Limey," but given his insensitivity towards various ethnic groups and nationalities, we're not too worried about it.

T: We've been told that you're one of Britain's most enlightened steroid users. Why is that?

LB: Probably because I have been on every fucking 'roid in the book.

T: Why don't we start by looking at your competitive background...

LB: I competed mostly in the early 80s, winning the Heavyweight British Championships and placing in the top seven of the Universe twice. My bodybuilding career ended when I got kicked on the knee by one of my students during a jap-slapping course.

T: Jap-slapping?

LB: You know, martial arts. I was a martial arts instructor in the British army for nine years. I used to train both recruits and Special Forces-type guys in a mixture of hand-to-hand combat techniques, which are better known here in Britain as "jap-slapping."

T: Based on your current size, you look like you still do quite a bit of training.

LB: Yeah, I need it for my present job. I'm a bodyguard by trade, unarmed, of course. I only handle foreign actors, entertainers, models, and so on when they come to London.

T: Tell us about your steroid history. How did you get involved with them?

LB: Well, the first steroid I ever used was Halotestin. I was 19 at the time and going through basic training. There was a Kiwi [slang and somewhat derogatory term for a New Zealander] in my paratrooper's regiment who had done track in his country, and he was into a lot of drugs. He got us hooked on Halo [fluoxymesterone] to cut down on our sleep requirements during maneuvers. All the blokes on it thought it was great. Since I was already toying with weights on and off, I liked the results I got in the gym. Since we were running like fucking rabbits all day, it was hard to make any progress in the gym, so I appreciated the strength boost I got.

T: Did he just flat-out offer you the drugs to help you complete basic training?

LB: No. We were on the drink one night, and some Patties [Irishmen] started talking the piss out of us because of our Army haircuts. I guess the fact that he was on Halo and testosterone propionate quelled any pacifist feelings he might ordinarily have had. Anyhow, before I had the chance to throw in my first punch, he had seriously maimed these Irish blokes. Pop! Pop! Pop! They all went down like leaded balloons. That fucker was explosive. In fact, he got binned [kicked out] when he tried to make Special Forces for kicking the shit out of one of the guys in his dorm because the poor bloke had a gas problem.

Anyhow, after the incident in the pub, I asked him how he got to be so strong. He told me about the Halo, and he ended up giving it to me and a bunch of the blokes. That was the start of my long career with the wonderful world of anabolics.

T: Okay, so you started competing heavy duty, and you were, we assume, using a variety of steroids. What kinds of things were you using?

LB: Well, here's a list of the things I was using to prepare for the Universe, way back when [handing us the following list, as we had pre-arranged a couple of days earlier].

Week 1:
350 mg Stromba, 700 mg Deca-Durabolin, 1,050 mg Oxymetholone, 1,000 mg Omnadren

Week 2:
280 mg Stromba, 500 mg Deca-Durabolin, 700 mg Oxymetholone, 750 mg Omnadren

Week 3:
280 mg Stromba, 300 mg Deca-Durabolin, 700 mg Oxymetholone, 500 mg Omnadren

Week 4:
Off

Week 5:
700 mg Anabol, 400 mg Durabolin, 280 mg Halotestin, 2,000 mg Sustanon

Week 6:
525 mg Anabol, 300 mg Durabolin, 210 mg Halotestin, 1,500 mg Sustanon

Week 7:
350 mg Anabol, 300 mg Durabolin, 140 mg Halotestin, 1,000 mg Sustanon

Week 8:
Off

Week 9:
700 mg Anabol, 400 mg Primobolan, 280 mg Halotestin, 700 mg Masterone

Week 10:
525 mg Anabol, 300 mg Primobolan, 210 mg Halotestin, 500 mg Masterone

Week 11:
350 mg Anabol, 300 mg Primobolan, 140 mg Halotestin, 300 mg Masterone

Week 12:
Off

Week 13:
532 mg Parabolan, 400 mg Primobolan, 420 mg Oxandrolone, 700 mg Masterone

Week 14:
380 mg Parabolan, 300 mg Primobolan, 315 mg Oxandrolone, 500 mg Masterone

Week 15:
304 mg Parabolan, 300 mg Primobolan, 210 mg Oxandrolone, 300 mg Masterone

Week 16:
Off

Week 17:
1,000 mg Propionate, 350 mg Winstrol, 420 mg Oxandrolone, 700 mg Masterone

Week 18:
750 mg Propionate, 300 mg Winstrol, 315 mg Oxandrolone, 500 mg Masterone

Week 19:
500 mg Propionate, 250 mg Winstrol, 210 mg Oxandrolone, 300 mg Masterone

Week 20:
Off

T: What's your rationale for this cycle?

LB: I always believed in front loading the androgens, so I used Omnadren and the Anapolon 50. Stromba, because it was almost purely anabolic, offset the androgenicity of the cycle. Additionally, I found the Deca-Durabolin to be excellent for recovery.

Plus, these products were easy for me to obtain. The Stromba I got was bootlegged and sold for exportation-only by a mate of mine. The Omnadren I got from this Polish bouncer who worked at some joint in the Red Light district. I traded him the Stromba for it. I only paid five British pounds for 1,000 tabs [about seven American dollars], so believe me, I could get a lot of Omnadren for just a few shillings.

Then, I'd take a week off. I still kept making gains during the off week, and it would also let me get rid of some of the excess water. I made more progress when I started to take a week off every three weeks than when I was on the gear continuously, all year round.

A doctor friend of mine explained to me that the liver gets too efficient at breaking down the stuff after the three-week mark, and apparently all it takes is a week off to disrupt this efficiency pattern.

T: All year round?

LB: Yeah, mate, I would begin my cycle on Boxing Day [the first weekday after Christmas, it's celebrated as a legal holiday in many British Commonwealth countries] and end it on Christmas!

T: You competed for a relatively long time, so you must have had other connections other than the aforementioned Polish bouncer. How did you generally get your drugs?

LB: Well, when I was in the Army, I used to pick up drugs from fellow soldiers who were also into bodybuilding. I would get Deca, some tests, and Primobolan from Cyprus. Whenever we would go on maneuvers for NATO, I'd squeeze in some shopping or trading on our days off.

I really scored big-time once in the Flanders. I got a five-year supply of Masterone, plus some oxymetholone. When I was stationed in Germany, right after the fall of the Berlin Wall, it was truly steroid heaven. I even got plenty of Turis [Oral-Turinabol].

I was also stationed in Honduras, where I picked up some cheap Primo tabs and vials.

T: How did you get that stuff back?

LB: Coming back, Customs was always a fucking joke. A bunch of blokes from my regiment even brought back some AK-47s that the Russians were selling at bargain basement prices.

It got to be a bit harder, but by being creative, I was able to get access to a lot of drugs.

The Durabolin and Parabolan were from France. I got them one summer when I crossed the Channel and traded for them with some Stromba and Omnadren with friends I made in a Normandy gym. The Anapolon 50 was from a doctor sympathetic to my cause. They don't sell it here anymore. I'd give my left bullock to get some more. I just love that drug.

Uhhh, as far as the Sustanon, Halotestin, Propionate [Testovis], Primobolan, and...what am I forgetting?...the oxandrolone, I'd get it from this stew that does the Milan-London route. Her prices are pretty dear, but with the profit I make from the Stromba, it evens out. Trouble is, she's working the Copenhagen route now, so I'll have to find another source for it.

The Dianabol I get from this other airline stew who goes to Thailand quite often. She gets me Primo tabs in 500-tablet jars. I resell those to women bodybuilders to finance my other drugs.

What else? Oh, I had this Aussie colleague of mine mail me the methandriol containing compounds such as Drive and Filibol Forte on a regular basis. I always got a good kick out of those. Like Masterone, I always felt great when stacking those, even when using Anapolon.

T: Are there any drugs you don't like?

LB: Hey, are you kidding? That's like asking the late Chris Farley if he ever met a calorie he didn't like.

Seriously, though, I'm not keen on the Nilevar stuff. I got some in Normandy for a bunch of mates and myself two years ago. We all ended up with a muscle tear or two. I tore a tricep; two others tore a pec; and one other tore a lat. Gets you strong too fast, or something like that. The muscle just can't handle it. I had the same problem using Primobolan tabs in large quantities. So did some of my powerlifting mates.

Same thing with that Equipoise. We got the Colombian equivalent to it a few years ago, and it led to a Muscle Tear Festival at the gym. We wanted to tear that spic who sold it to us a new asshole, but since he was Colombian, we feared reprisals. We thought he had sold us some shit, but when I discussed the gear with some Yank, it turns out they had the same problem, even though they got theirs from someplace else. Five of their guys had muscle tears, and all five of them were on Equipoise at the time.

T: We were told that you have a unique and yet simple way to test if a drug is truly effective. Could you please tell us about that?

LB: Yes. Whenever I tried a new drug, I would first take a 3-4 week break to clean out my system. Then, I'd go on a fairly good dose of the new drug�without stacking it with any other product. This is how I came to rate the steroids individually.

T: Nowadays, you're known for helping out a lot of track and field stars. What sort of cycles would they typically undertake?

LB: I usually have them on relatively modest dosages of Dianabol, Anavar, Stromba, and a couple of other things. I'll dig up the script for you later.

Here's Limey Bloke's prescription for some track and field athletes:

Week 1:
1,050 mg Anapolon, 420 mg Dianabol

Week 2:
875 mg Anapolon, 350 mg Dianabol

Week 3:
700 mg Anapolon, 280 mg Dianabol

Week 4:
Off

Week 5:
350 mg Anavar, 210 mg Stromba

Week 6:
280 mg Anavar, 140 mg Stromba

Week 7:
210 mg Anavar, 70 mg Stromba

Week 8:
Off

Week 9:
210 mg Halotestin, 280 mg Oral-Turinabol

Week 10:
175 mg Halotestin, 210 mg Oral-Turinabol

Week 11:
140 mg Halotestin, 175 mg Oral-Turinabol

Week 12:
Off

Week 13:
140 mg Furazabol, 140 mg Oral-Turinabol

Week 14:
105 mg Furazabol, 105 mg Oral-Turinabol

Week 15:
70 mg Furazabol, 70 mg Oral-Turinabol

Week 16:
Off

Week 17:
Drug-tested meet

T: What are your top three drugs?

LB: Anapolon has to be my favorite. The bitch is hard to get nowadays. I used my last tablets in preparing for a pro show six years ago.

I really like Masterone, too. I get high quality gains on it. For some reason, I feel very good on this steroid.

Halotestin's okay, too. I know it's not a favorite amongst most people, but I get very good drive in the gym when I'm on it. I'm more interested in strength, and I think being stronger defines whether my cycle was effective or not. Plus, I don't need to sleep much while I'm on it, so it works great for me.

T: Noticeably absent from your scrips is growth hormone. Didn't you ever experiment with GH?

LB: Never used it in my competitive days�just didn't have the cash. I had two daughters to raise, and besides, no one was raving about it here yet. Now, all the fucking sprinters and bodybuilders are having wet dreams about it.

The main source of growth hormone that gets in here is from Lithuania. The odd Italian and Spanish shipment makes it in once in a while, too.

T: Thanks, LB, we really appreciate your candor. Stay well.

LB: Thank you.

T

posted March 27, 2000 03:02 PM            

Jon

posted March 27, 2000 06:23 PM         

BIZ!!

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GET OFF ME!!
GET BIG GUY'S!!!!!!!!!