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 HELP IF YOU REALLY CARE PLEASE READ
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| Author | Topic: HELP IF YOU REALLY CARE PLEASE READ | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder 
Posts: 382 |
Hey i have been on this board for about 1 1/2 now and most of you know that i won 2 shows in march and have had trouble getting back on track because i took 5 months off (it did feel good though)But in october my girlfriend of 2 years decided to leave me. I am 25 and she is 30- she a dental hygenist and i have 2 years of nursing school left. We lived together for 1 1/2 years and i had to move back home. We have spent every day of the last 2 years together and know i cannot fucking focus on anything. We talked about getting married all the time. But she didn't like the fact that i am still in school, but she was fine with it at first. I still call her and ask her if it's really over, if she could give me another chance but she just says "no" I have tried to date but every girl i meet just doesn't compare to her. I would do anything to get back with her but my hands are tied. She won't even return my calls. I have tried not calling her but she never calls. I never in my life thought somewthing like this would happen especially with her. She helped me with my show, went to the show and everything. We went on so many trips together and she ever learned to inject me. (HEHE) But i feel like i have lost a big part of my life. I have no motivation for anything. I am working 7 days a week just so i don't have to think about her. I don't even have the drive to train anymore. I still go, but not full strenght. I have no one to talk to. If i tell my friends about it, they say fuck her, move on.Well that's all fine but i am stuck. I would give anything to have my girl back. I would give up roids, money maybe even fingers or a testicle. (Pretty serious eh?) Guys i know this post probably doesn't belong her but i need help. I know alot of you only visit this are so if the mods could please leave it her i would greatly appreciate it. Any advise is welcome.     | ||
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Cool Novice 
Posts: 12 |
if it helps any I was at one time engaged @ age 25 (wedding dress bought,band booked, date set,flower people, caterer... you get the point!! I later found out she had cheated on me needless to say my life was changed forever | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder 
Posts: 1305 |
I feel for ya bro. I almost lost my girl a few months back and I felt the same way you did. Luckily we worked it out. From my experience, I don't think there is anything that any of us can say to you to make you feel better. But remember if you need to talk to anyone there is always a bro or two on EF willing to listen. Including myself. ------------------ | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder 
Posts: 146 |
this is gonna sound like some weird advice but i think its the best i can give because its from my personal experience. if shes been with you that long, she still has feelings for you. remember that your relationship is at a critical point right now. the more you push to get back together, the farther away she will get. dont page her, dont leave messages, dont call, dont write. break off all communication for a few months. she will start getting worried about what has happened to you. she might be afraid to call you, but believe me, after a few months, she will be happy to accept your call. when you do call her dont ask if she wants to get back together, she will get turned off. let her know you still care about her but hint subtly that your doing just fine without her. this is the part that sucks the most because its like starting all over. before you "make your move," you have to be "just friends" with her for a while. she will let you know when she is ready to get hooked up again. dont take this as concrete advice but it worked for my dad when he got my mom back and it worked for me. if it works for you, awesome, if it doesnt, then she simply wasnt meant for you. good luck, man. i hope this helps. | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 113 |
It is a very hard thing to deal with, but you have to learn to live without her. I know this is easier said than done. They say that time will heal all wounds, but I'm not sure this is so. But over time, you will learn to live without her. If you are dating, then that is good. Keep doing it. I hope you meet a girl that will make you forget all about your ex even though now you may think it's not possible. Lastly, consider getting counselling if you really need to talk to someone. Professionals know how to deal with this stuff better than most of us gearheads. Good luck to you. | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 116 |
Bro this is gonna sound harsh but I hope you see where its coming from! Get over her because it seems she is over you! If it was meant to be, it will be but move on and stop dwelling in the past and prepare for the future! | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 766 |
quote: Great advice RECIEVER. I have been down this very same road, but one thing you can not forget. People change, maybe it was not you and she changed. ANYTIME... | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 168 |
I think everyone has been here at one point in their lives. It happened to me and I sat and whined about for months (from time to time I still think about it, although it doesn't hurt anymore). The best thing to do is move on. I bugged the shit out of my girl and it just made her hate me. It was unbeliveable how this girl who I dated, shared everything with and talked about marriage with ended up hating me in the span of just a few weeks. I grew from this and now I am a much stronger person. In the end you will too. Listen to these people, don't call, don't write, don't e-mail. Move on, in a few months (maybe longer) you will look back with your pride intact and a new sense of self. In short, it hurts but we all go through it. Hit the gym, live in the gym, it will help. | ||
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Cool Novice
Posts: 22 |
I know right now that it feels like complete shit and you may even feel like life is not worth living without her(I know cuz it happened to me as well). A couple of things that will help is first off you need to give her time; in other words don't contact her or pressure her; let her figure some things out in her mind and maybe even date others; if she was truly in love with you she will come back, if not then you are better off finding someone that does have those reciprocating feelings. The worst thing you can do is force things on her, it will only drive her away. Also you may want to pick up one of those self-help psychology books. Before I got married I used to find that every time I would break up w/someone I would spend time exploring myself and read a good book and it made a world of difference. It allows you to understand your thought process and see the faults in your thought process in being dependent on someone else for happiness. Your in for a bumpy road but just stay positive and you will come out of it an even better person. | ||
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Cool Novice
Posts: 26 |
only thing you can do is wait it out. Don't press the issue, go out with your friends don't spend time alone. | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 1064 |
From what I have observed, there are four stages you go through after being dumped... 1) Denial Puc | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 222 |
An old expression bro,but time is the greatest healer. One more thing.Try to break all contact with her.Get into her mind and let her wonder what you're doing,where you're going,what you're saying,how you're feeling. ------------------ | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 210 |
She didnt just leave you out of the blue, it doesnt happen like that. You compete so like alot of us, you are really into yourself, and it takes away from the person you love, you also work and go to school. You dont have time for her. It has been their the whole time, you probably took her for granted, I know that sounds harsh but it is hard to really look at your own faults--You are only giving us bits of whats really going on. You call her and she wont return your calls--Something serious happend. You state you would do anything to get her back but I think you are not being true to yourself--Let her go, and learn from it but for godsakes work on your faults or this will cont. to happen with all woman you come in contact with. [This message has been edited by Wombat (edited January 16, 2001).] | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 114 |
Wombat edit that first sentence asshole(it doesn't matter if your kidding). I think Puc and Reciever's advice were right on the money. I know this is not what you want to hear but if its not meant its not meant. You can't want her and she doesn't want you, it doesn't work that way. If she can't accept you now believe me there is someone who can, it took me 8yrs of going thru that shit I never thought I'd get over it, then out of the blue a woman in the gym starts up a conversation with me and boom I'm happily married with two rugrats running around 2yrs later. Time heals just about everything. As far as being focused and motivation, well you won't be for awhile. Good luck. | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 382 |
Well to everyone who responded i thank you. I didn't realize that there are this many people who have been through the same thing. In the back of my mind i know it will take time, but it just seems like such a long road. But to whoever said i was into myself and work on my faults, i know there maybe truth to that, but i was reall REALLY_ into her. More htan myself family or even friends. I will take the advise and stay away and not call or anything. I have a friend who is moving to arizona in july and have tought aboutgoing also. I live in MI now and it sucks shit, especially after what happened. Once again i thank you all for your advise. I'm just sorry i didn't tell you guys sooner, because i already feel better. Thanks | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 296 |
Go to Arizona bro, a change in environment is exactly what you need. | ||
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Cool Novice
Posts: 22 |
I agree goto AZ, it is a whole different world out here; it is like living at a resort; nothing but sun and beautiful women. | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 918 |
I know how you feel!! Prior to dating the girl that I am currently engaged to, I was dating another girl for about 5 years! She got an internship in another state and swore that we would keep it alive. Ha! About 3 months later, she began acting weird - she always had to get off the phone, etc. 6 months later, she called me and suggested that it would be a good idea to see other people. I was completely, I mean completely devastated. I couldn't shit for months! I never trained, my diet fell to pieces - my work slipped. It was bad, bad, bad. I thought I would never get over it, but somehow, with time - I did. Then one night, I went to a friend's party (grudgingly) and met the girl of my dreams - give it time bro, and feel free to e-mail me if you need to talk. | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 74 |
I don't think I can add anything that hasn't already been said. We have all been through it, and it does suck. Get back to the gym, work, study, and get your head back together. Seeing that you said you have dated and they don't compare to your girl, it might not be a bad idea to stay away from dating for awhile. Trust me, you WILL feel better and if you get back with her, great, and if not,...insert cliche..., it wasn't meant to be. You would give up the sauce for her? Wow! My girl asked if I would for her, hypothetically she was speaking I beleive, and I was honest and told her no way. Good luck bro, and hang in there. Jacked25-We don't cry, at least we never admit it, just kidding. | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 308 |
Everyones' been through it. Some grow from the experience others fade away. Choose to grow! Take time to grieve the loss (yes it is just like a death) Then grab yourself by the bootstraps and get over it! | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 382 |
Well now that i think about it, after the way she has treated me i would tell her i am quitting but i wouldn't. I think i'm entering that 3rd phase as posted above- Anger, how dare she get rid of me. I hope she find a fucking 123 lbs. nerd who has a pecker the size of a hangnail. Looking at the big picture i am really starting to resent(if that's how it's spelled) her. I've done all i can. Now where's my test. (just trying to make myself laugh at an ungly situation) thanks guys | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 504 |
I FEEL FOR YA BRO | ||
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Cool Novice
Posts: 28 |
We are here for you bro, get ahold of me if you want to talk, ICQ,MSN, ect. | ||
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Cool Novice
Posts: 25 |
Bro., many of us have been in this situation! Me for example, I was with my lady for 5 1/2 years, damn! We met when we were both young, she was 14 and I was 16. Well we broke up several months ago, and trust me that s**t hit hard. We had talked about getting married, almost bought the eng. ring, etc.......... I know, I know we are young 19 and 21 but still all those years together. Trust me, you remember everything even small things like songs, movies, and restaurants where ya'll both ate. Well I finally said f**k it, and after several, and I do mean several weeks she started coming around. Out of the blue I would get phone calls, mornings, afternoons, and even while I was out with my boys trying to have some fun at the clubs, just called to say "hi, see how you were doing". After several monts of this bulls**t calls, I flat out told her if she was going to continue to play them head games not to even bother calling me anymore. Well shes still calling. Bro., she will come around, take RRECEIVERs; advice and everyones elses', she still has feelings for you, and that is not going to diminish from one day to the other. In the meantime, you need to prosper yourself, work, hit the gym, and just start hanging out with the boys, its hard but its better than sitting at home thinking of her! Hope I have helped! WannaImpress | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 61 |
Email me and we can talk. I truly feel for you bro. This is a tough situation to talk about openly. RC | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 382 |
Did i mention too you guys that i stole like 5 pairs of her sexiest underwear. Too bad she's 5'4" 120lbs and i'm 5'10 230, or i would out those suckers to good use. (kidding) (kinda) HEHHEHEHEHHEHe | ||
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Cool Novice
Posts: 13 |
lifes a bitch, THEN YOU MARRY ONE!!!!!! | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 1294 |
same thing here with me last eyar before my show a 4 year relationship down the toliet. It hurt and to a point still does since when you really care for that someone special you know it. As for friends the ones who have lost and loved always know the feeling. i went on best I could sometimes chasing my tail. Want to compete this year but may not as alst eyar cost so much of my life that i am not sure its worth trying again but i still lift. You need to keep active, live your life, and always hold a place in your heart should she return and if you have not met someone else as hurt goes away very quickly when you meet someone very special. We are all here for you and as you can see many have lived whats happening to you. | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 251 |
I have a couple suggestions, but they are not for getting your girl back: Whenever I have come off a relationship in a bad way, I always find spending time with myself to be the best cure. Honestly, if you were as into her as you say you were, that might not be a good thing. I guess I'm a believer in the Stoic philosophy of not letting outside influences affect your state of being (much easier said than done, I know). But, here before you, you have the PERFECT opportunity to define yourself. You can either say "I am an incomplete person by myself and I need another person to make my life worthwhile." Or you can say "I am strong enough and confident enough to know that I need NO ONE to make my life complete. If someone perfect comes along, great. But if not, I refuse to make comprimises and be with someone who doesn't treat me like I know I should be treated." Like I said before, MUCH easier said than done. But like with bodybuilding, nothing worth having comes easy. Additionally, before making the above decision, I recommend honoring ALL your feelings as they come up, that way you wont still be dealing with them two years down the road. If you are sad, cry like a baby.` If you are angry, scream, curse, and break shit. You have to get that shit out if you ever want to REALLY move on. Good luck. You're not alone! ------------------ | ||
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Cool Novice
Posts: 35 |
Things happen for a reason, so find the reason and move on, let it make a stronger person out of you. Gotta look at things in a positive way in these situations to move on. | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 181 |
If you believe something is yours, let it go. If it comes back to you, it always belonged to you, if it didn't, it wasn't yours in the first place. | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 111 |
Hey Bro, I've been in that situation before. I was with a girl for 6 years and we were engaged and everything. She was my training partner and the brightest thing in my world. She left me for another man back in 96. I was devastated. I could only think of her and nothing else. On top of that she was pregnanr with my kid and she aborted it because as she put it, "I don't want to ruin my body." I still would have done anything to get her back. A couple of years passed and I questioned, "Why me?" My dad died and it suddenly came to me during my grief over him in 98. He truely loved me and made me the man I am today. He showed me love every step of the way. My ex girlfriend paled in comparision. She was very much about herself and he was very much about "True love." I am now 28 years old. I have been single ever since untill now. In June I met the girl that I am going to stay the rest of my life with. It took me this long, but on reflection it was the best thing that happened to me that my ex broke up with me. I learned a lot about myself and what it was I really needed in my life. It took 4 years for me to get over her, but it all turned out for the best. I tell you this story so you understand what it is I went through and you are not alone in feeling the way you do. It hurts, but you will truely thank her one day for leaving you because you will realize that what you needed, she would probably not been able to give you. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with it. You'll have to do it all by yourself, but there are people like me who have gotten what they deserved after all. You will too. Don't let her ruin you. Don't give her that control of your life. Be your own person and not live through her. Live for yourself. Use the time you train to help get her out of your mind. That is what I did. Good luck and I wish you the best. If you need somebody that knows how it feels, email me. Take care! | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 721 |
I think we've all been there or will be at some stage. You've had some good advice there and there's not a lot more that I can add. At least you are at the fun stage now.....revenge. Just don't go psycho or anything. Keep calm and get it in good ways. I'd work on myself for a while so the next time she sees you she'll think, damn, what did I throw away? I've been through this a couple of times. You should focus on another competition and prove to yourself that you can do it without her support. I used to keep this image in my mind, that the next time my ex saw me I would be in the news stand on the cover of muscle mag with girls draped all over me. You gotta take the bros advice and avoid contact with her. If it is meant to be, you wouldn't want her back cos she felt sorry for you anyway, but because she wanted you. Chances are you'll begin to enjoy your life again and eventually you'll take great pleasure when you do bump into her as you'll feel much more confident and not so low. OK, I never made the muscle mag cover but my ex was gutted when she saw me. Her husband is a 10 stone, total looser now, who spends most of his time in the pub. She bumped into me when I was teaching at my academy and he was wanting to learn. They didn't realise that it was my class as I hadn't seen them for years and we had both moved areas. She tried to be nice but it was blatantly obvious how lealous she was. She looked really rough and scruffy as well. When we split she told me hat I was going nowhere with my life. The size that I had put on as well as my BMW parked outside made her see different though. He only did one class and they never came back. HAHAHA Revenge is sweet. | ||
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Cool Novice
Posts: 41 |
This might sound weird but I have had a very traumatic 'break up' with my gf at a time when we were supposed to get engaged...there was much bitterness between us and so I thougt I should just move on, which I did...for 5 years. I dated other girls fell in love, broke up again (you know the routines...) only one day, I called up her parents, got her phone number, got in touch with her just to see what she was up to (not expecting much...) she said she'd been missing me and had been thinking about us a many times, we suddenly got close again, started seeing each other again, and the next thing I knew was that we seemed to be back together again!! it was incredible... Of course it went wrong again...LOL. But still who cares, just be optimistic, whatever happens, just happens, let it be - dont go out of your way to get her back, cuz the chances are you guys might just meet again in a few years time and live it all up again... Take care man, | ||
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Moderator 
Posts: 1643 |
Bro i feel your pain "Time will heal all wounds" ------------------ | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 471 |
quote: bro. take receiver's advice. i did not and i not only lost the love of my life but a child too. peace and my prayers are with you and darkangel now, | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 795 |
Its been 2 years for me and I still hurt everytime I think of the bitch..We were together for 6 years..just bought a house..had a child and she moved out...1 week later she spent the night at another dudes house...I was a full blown alcoholic for a year until I decided to hit the gym...since then I have put back on the weight I lost and then some..I feel better about myself and I just avoid talking to her..we have a child and even work in the same place (different shifts) I won't pick up the phone if I see it is her calling me...if she needs something it is done via the answering machine....that is helping more than anything..just saying "Fuck you" I don't need you..Im not the one that is fucked up..You are..." Give it time bro... ------------------ | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 368 |
i feel you. it happened the same thing to me. it is the worst thing that can happen to a men.fortunatly things went ok. there must be a reason if she left you. find the reason and tell her that you will change the situation no matter what you have to do.tell her that time has helped you and now you're really ready to change. make sure she understands that you're serious about this. | ||
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Cool Novice
Posts: 29 |
Pardon my French, but Fuck Her and Move On. No offense, but you're probably too good for her anyway. Be a man, suck it up and continue on with YOUR life. In my humble opinion, part of the desperation you're feeling right now probably just stems from the fact that you'd grown so used to having her around. I recall something you said along the lines of "We were always together... She did everything for me..." Look at it this way, once you lose something you've had for a long time, it's natural to feel depressed, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you really, truly loved her and ya'll were meant to be together. Famous quote: "If you're too busy lamenting on one closed door, you might miss another one opening" Keep yourself busy & definitely continue working out. Life has a funny way of working itself out. Good luck. ------------------ | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 372 |
Hang in there Bro, Breaking up is a bitch. KEEP GOING TO THE GYM, it will be good therapy. ------------------ | ||
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Cool Novice
Posts: 23 |
I was married 16 years when my wife left me. You HAVE TO GO TO THE GYM AND TRAIN! It helps big time like other bros have said. Also dont try to find a quick girlfriend to replace what you lost. Time does heal and it will get better. There are medicines to help also but I prefer the gym as my mood enhancer.Don't look back just keep moving forward! | ||
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Cool Novice
Posts: 26 |
quote: bigpun, hit it on the head. | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 382 |
Well guys i didn't realize that there were this many people who really care. Shit, i don't know half of you but know i feel like i know everyone. I read this post every single day and each time i feel better. The best thing is i am not alone. So many of us have been down this road. Thank you guys for taking time to write and thanks to the mods for letting this stay. THere is not a doubt in my mind that this has gotta be the best, tightest, closest board in the world. THnaks everyone. | ||
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Novice 
Posts: 5 |
Hey bro, change happens. We've all been throught the same shit, I just did over the summer. We dated seriously for three years. I still talk to her, If you really love her you'll want her to be happy. My ex is already dating, we are still good friends and I tell her that I am happy that she met someone. There will always be a special place in your heart for her, but you if it is meant to be, it will be. Also try reading this book: Who Moved My Cheese? It is a simple story with a powerful message about change. My quote comes from that book. It helped me a lot. My email is in my profile if you need it bro. Good Luck ------------------ | ||
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Cool Novice
Posts: 18 |
I feel for you man, Reciever defintely said it best though. Another thing find something interesting and put 100% towards mastering it by the time your done you'll look up and be totally refocused. Believe me that's what a Dr. would say. Good luck Bro |
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posted January 14, 2001 10:33 PM
