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Who screams in effort when they train?

V

Victorian guy

New member
Gentlemen,

I was insulted the other day at the gym. I train with an intensity that only few can understand. I was doing a set of front standing barbell presses, screaming as I forced out each rep using an unbelievable 350 pounds. After my last set, I simply let the bar drop to the floor, with a thunderous crash that shook the building. My training assistant, and personal chauffeur, Nobby, was on hand for my forced reps.

A man approached us...and DARED speak to me while I was mentally preparing for my next brutal set. "Excuse me...could you please make a little less noise?" he asked, in a most sarcastic tone. Nobby, who comes from the toughest slums of London, and who has spent years in the roughest prisons in Britain, advanced and brandished the 3 foot long piece of motorcycle chain he carries about with him for personal security. Standing in the man's face, he snarled, in a heavy Cockney accent "Piss off, or I'll fookin kill ye". The man went to the front desk and complained.
He had just signed his own death warrant!

Nobby and I followed him out as he left the gym, and as he saw us following him he began running towards his car, jumped in, started it up and tried to escape. As the car drove by, heading for the parking lot entrance, Nobby swung his bike chain, shattering the front window. I leaped onto the hood, reached in, dragged the man out, threw him to the pavement and put the boots to him while Nobby whaled on him with the chain. As the sound of police sirens neared, we fled, got into the Rolls Royce, and sped off, laughing.

I really can't stand folk who don't appreciate INTENSITY in the gym.
Take bloody fucking charge, lads!
 
:devil:
Why do they call him "Nobby"? Is he always on your Knob?
If he is such a bad ass, why doesn't he just take all of your shit and make you drive him around?
 
BONG, BONG, BONG, BONG...................

the bullshit meter in my head is pegging on the scale!!!
 
Grunting is a most-inefficient way to train..as you lose columnar strength.

Funny - the grunters in my gym are all the pencil necks
 
<sarcasm>
c'mon guys...
Victorian guy is obviously a very refined and distinguished individual. Just because he lives such a devine life with excuisite luxuries such as Nobby his body guard, doesn't mean we should rag on him out of jealousy..
He is obviously better than the average human and is his god given right to hunt somebody down and beat them with a chain when they don't obey his every command.:smash:
Some people just need to learn when its time to bown down..
</sarcasm>

I like this guys BS stories...

heh...
Ryan
 
:lmao:

KARMA MESSAGE.....

Your the pencil neck fag

...well....you sir need to learn the difference between "your" and "you're"





LOL
 
I grunt on the last rep of my full back and fronts quats - especially the front squats - KILLER!


I've always wanted to say this :)

" you sir, are an idiot! " :p
 
I try to promote a happy atmosphere when I train...a family atmosphere of being quiet, relaxed, almost therapeutic.

I try to laugh when I am doing squats, relax, tell jokes, and never break a sweat...

B True
 
b fold the truth said:
I try to promote a happy atmosphere when I train...a family atmosphere of being quiet, relaxed, almost therapeutic.

I try to laugh when I am doing squats, relax, tell jokes, and never break a sweat...

B True
Click to expand...

Thats a good attitude! I like your environment. When I train. . I keep to myself.
 
b fold the truth said:
I try to promote a happy atmosphere when I train...a family atmosphere of being quiet, relaxed, almost therapeutic.

I try to laugh when I am doing squats, relax, tell jokes, and never break a sweat...

B True
Click to expand...

And DEFINITELY never get red in the face or make gotesque faces. I mean, there might be a chick around!

JC
 
joncrane said:


And DEFINITELY never get red in the face or make gotesque faces. I mean, there might be a chick around!

JC
Click to expand...

Exactly!!! Enya is great to work out to...I often listen to that Enya remix song when I wanna get really pumped up...

B True
 
This guy seriously makes me piss my pants... I just woke the fuckin' baby up from laughing so hard...

MAN that's seriously funny shit... maybe in the wrong forum... but funny ass shit! :D
 
them british are hilarious.. i actually have a little hiss sound when i am doing flys when i push the air out of my mouth. Just a force of habbit, even though i knwo holding your breath isnt the greatest thing itsj ust easier for me on flys
 
Usually when I make noise while working out I say things like:

"No Daddy, I'll be good now...I proomise!!" <while benching and sweating over a huge load>

or

"leave me ALONE!!!!" <gradually getting louder as I say it>

or in between sets I go in the corner and quietly start sobbing til my next set.

suddenly I get up and the weight room is empty.
 
Uhhhhh....

What can I say???? I hope this guy is joking but if not I want some of whatever he is on. Planet Gig would get a lot more interesting.
 
I was like "wtf?" at the 350 pound part. If you're doing 350 pound overheads, you have every right to scream and drop the weight, hehe.
 
I found another post by this guy on the anabolic board. Here it is:


High intensity training tip:MUST READ!!! (post #1)

Brothers,

I have been utilizing a once-popular (mid 80s) training method that I would like to share with you all: HEIGHTENED AROUSAL MODE training. To illustrate just how potent this method is, let me tell you what went down the past week- the following is a true story.

I was sitting about the gym, with my chauffeur and security assistant, Nobby, waiting impatiently for a number of fellows from the local group home to arrive. You see I have, out of the kindness of my enlarged heart, decided to offer my time to run a 'bodybuilding for the mentally and physically handicapped' program. Finally, 6 or 7 marginalized fellows entered the gym, and after screaming "Get FUCKING CHANGED NOW! YOU SODS ARE FUCKING LATE!!" and smacking one of them in the face, knocking him out of his wheelchair, they hustled into the changeroom, and threw on their gymclothes.

This was the third session- I run three a week- and since we had covered bulking and injecting methods the previous two classes, tonight it was time to go over training intensity tips. "Tonight, we shall learn of a training method of yore- which helped me build THESE (as I uttered this line, I hit a double biceps pose, growling)- heightened arousal mode. Watch and learn, fools" I sneered, then proceeded to load 315 on a bar at the squat rack. Nobby seized the bar and pressed it 10 times, roaring with intensity each rep. He racked the weight, and as soon as he did I loaded another big plate on each side. "Now, through physical abuse, I will instill in Nobby a renewed sense of determination- and he WILL press that weight 10 times!" I declared. I then took a 10 pound plate and smacked Nobby in the face, screaming "10 reps! What the fuck are you, a woman! NOOWWWW!!" Nobby, bleeding profusely from what looked like a broken nose, grabbed the 405 off the rack and, screaming "FOOKIN BASTAHDS!!" with each rep squeezed out 10 front military presses, then let the weight drop to the floor with a thunderous crash that shook the building, and sent plaster falling off the walls of the gym. Every man in the gym gasped at the cylcopean feat of strength, and shrank back in shame to their pathetic, weakling workouts.
"Now, let's see one of you try it..." and I stripped off a couple of plates off the bar, and turned to see Marvin eagerly volunteering.
Marvin is a down-syndrome fellow who trains at the gym, and is an avid disciple of mine. "Marvin, you have to be prepared to suffer pain...why, I'd go charging through that fucking wall if it meant an extra pound on my bench!" I thundered. Marvin began quivering, then, screaming, turned and ran headlong towards the wall. "Er...Marvin...that was a figure of speech.." I muttered, as Marvin crashed through the wall, and broke right into the women's changeroom. Screams ensued, and soon the police arrived and hauled off a semi-conscious Marvin, and promptly charged him with sexual assault.
The workout proceeded, and Nobby gave a good old fashioned chain-whacking over the head to each member of the group and, cut and bleeding, they lifted as never before.

Are any of you bros man enough for this type of training?
 
and another one:

85 year old woman gains 20 pounds on drol! (post #1)

Brothers.

My 85 year old grandmother has packed on over 30 solid pounds in the past 4 weeks. Her max bench has leapt from just the bar to 155 pounds- for reps!

I've been throwing a handful of papervar onto her salad, dissolving anadrol tabs in her tea...and I tell you, she has really turned into a hard-core lifter! Her roid rage is out of control, I tell you.

Just the other day, Nobby and I were with her in the gym. Normally I smack her around when she starts to give up with the weights, but this time the tables were indeed turned!
I was curling 275, and after 15 reps slowed down a tad. She lifted her umbrella (she carries it about in the gym with her) and stabbed me in the crotch, screaming "You fucking WEAKLING!!!". I dropped the weight and collapsed, and she continued the abuse, beating me over the head mercilessly with her fearsome umbrella!
A passerby, an old gent of around 65, stopped and commented "Good Lord, my dear, easy does it!" and she spun around, grabbed his testicles, and began crushing them in a vice-like grip, hissing "Who asked you, FUCKFACE?!"
Finally, Nobby intervened and gave her a tremendous smack across the face with his bike chain, and, once she collapsed and lay on the floor, dropped a 100 pound dumbell on her, screaming the whole time.

Well folks, Nobby and I left her comatose on the gym floor. But tommorow is leg day, and granny will be along for some mind-blowing quad work.
Anyone else have a grandmother as fiesty as mine?
 
I dont mind a strenuoius groan every now and then, but I cant stand the guys who yell and moean every rep of their warm-up curls.
 
We need some more stories!!!

I never forget the time that Nobby was at McDonalds and he ripped a cheesburger out of a kids hand and ate it with the paper around it. . . .Nobby was a tough SOB!!! He was cable of performing reverse barbell cheat curls with 315lbs.
 
The guy--Victorian guy-- is definetely a funny dude who might be missunderstood if you have never read any of his stories..

Maybe he should have posted his story in the chat forum as the training board is a serious place for people who train hard .

His stories are cracking me up as they are quite original ,witty and funny....

Keep'em coming but post them in the Chat forum...
:D
 
Maybe we haven't heard from Victorian Guy and Nobby for a while because they are in jail for breaking out windows with bicycle chains and stealing hamburgers lol.
 
VC's post are always good, it kills me even more to read the reactions of people that think hes serious...
 
needsize said:
VC's post are always good, it kills me even more to read the reactions of people that think hes serious...
Click to expand...

Not only his posts are ourageoulsly funny, but those who take his act in a serious way make me laugh even harder...:D
 
Helping HANDICAPPED bros at the gym!
Brothers,

I am thinking of getting into coaching for the disabled, both those with physical and mental disabilities- maybe something along the lines of the Special Olympics. A recent experience at the gym has, indeed, made me realize that NO MATTER what disability a person has, it should not deter them from pursuing the Iron Warrior lifestyle!

I was training back with my chauffeur and personal assistant, Nobby. We were doing weighted chins- the extra weight being a pencil neck we collared, frog-marched over to the chinning bar, and had him hang onto my legs as I repped out 10 chins, screaming with effort the whole time.
After my set, I noticed a number of handicapped folk training- some sort of group-home outing, no doubt. Nobby and I watched as one of the group-home workers tried to show a lad in a wheelchair how to do lat pulldowns, and had him using only 3 plates of the stack!
"This won't do", I sneered, and Nobby and I headed over to the woman and the handicapped fellow. "You think just because this man is wheelchair bound that he is a weakling?" I asked her. As she began to answer, Nobby smacked her across the face as I screamed "SILENCE!!" so loud the equipment rattled.
"Alright, brother- time for some REAL work!" I cried, put wrist straps on the man, put the pin to the bottom of the stack, added a 45 to it, pulled the pulldown-bar to his chest and while I held it there Nobby wrapped the straps around the bar. "BUSINESS- AS USUAL- NOW SQUEEZE....FEEL THE NEGATIVES!!" I roared, then let go of the bar. It snapped up, taking the man with it, his wrist straps unwound, and he flew over the pulldown machine and landed on the floor behind it, then began going into convulsions and foaming at the mouth- he was having a seizure!
I looked at Nobby. He looked at me. I put my hands deep into my pockets and, looking as innocent as possible, sauntered off, whistling a piece by Handel. Nobby lumbered off in the other direction, stopping only to smack a punk in the face for wearing sunglasses in the gym.

Later on, we headed over to the squat rack to do shrugs- but someone was using it! In this case, we decided not to toss them aside as a truly inspirational scene took place before our eyes.
There was a lad of about 20ish, suffering from Down's Syndrome, doing squats with 315- he was really putting superhuman effort into his sets! Once he was done, I approached him, offering my support.
"Bloody fucking well done!" I cried. "What is your name?" I asked.
"Mawvin" he replied. Marvin was a happy looking fellow, and behind a pair of glasses with lenses 2 inches thick I could detect a warrior spirit. "Marvin, look about" I said. "You are the strongest of your group...I do hope YOU are taking bloody fucking charge of this lot!" I cried. "See that man over there- the one in the wheelchair, drinking Gatorade...why not go over and claim that bloody Gatorade for yourself!"
"Roight. Show 'em who's bloody fookin boss- 'URT THE BAHSTAHDS!" Nobby snarled.
Marvin's eyes lit up, and he burst forth, screaming "AAAARRRRRGGGGHHH!!!", in a frenzy not seen since Japanese 'banzai' charges of WWII, and charged straight at the man in the wheelchair, clotheslining him out of his chair. He snatched the gatorade bottle, and, his maniacal banzai attack not quite over, he made a screaming dash at a retarded fellow who was sitting on a bench analyzing a bright shiny object he had picked up off the floor. Marvin clotheslined him off the bench, and he went flying arse-over tit onto the floor. Then Marvin began kicking him in the face! At that moment, several group home workers and gym members tackled Marvin, and as he screamed obscenities and struggled, one of the workers shoved a needle into his thigh and injected him with what was, no doubt, a powerful sedative. In 10 seconds, he stopped moving and the paramedics were called.

"I have seen enough. These poor fellows are being denied their DIGNITY!" I screamed. We headed out of the gym...and while heading out a man followed us into the parking lot. "Hi...look, I'm the manager of the group home...and I know you guys are only trying to help, but-" at that point he put his hand on Nobby's shoulder "...we prefer to handle them ourselves!" he said warmly.

He had touched Nobby. The end was near, so very, very near.

I stepped back. The skies darkened, birds flew away, and Nobby stood there like stone, as the ramifications of what had just happened dawned on him.
Screaming "FOOKIN POOFTAH!!!" Nobby delivered a kick, which would have sent a soccer ball into orbit, right into his testicles, lifting him up a few feet into the air. While he was hanging in mid-air, Nobby lashed him across the face with his chain, and he came to the ground like a pile of dirty laundry, and lay quivering, in the fetal position with his hands between his legs, on the parking lot. Just then, Marvin, the down-syndrome afflicted lad, having somehow fought off the effects of the tranquilizer, came staggering out the door and began beating the man on the ground with a 25 pound plate!

We jumped into the Rolls and roared off, laughing, as concerned members came out of the gym and began beating the living shit out of Marvin as police sirens wailed. No doubt, the authorities had been called.

Nobby and I are checking into coaching opportunities at the Special Olympics.
Any bros have experience in that department?
 
Victorian guy

Novice



Retarded guy on gear goes BESERK!!!!
Brothers,

Sad news. A good friend of mine is, shall we say, 'out of the picture'.
Marvin, a down-syndrome afflicted weight-lifter at my gym, went absolutley bonkers. I think it had something to do with the gear he was on, courtesy of myself.

The following is a true story.

The other day, I was in the gym with Nobby doing 1 rep max effort good-mornings with 315 pounds, when Marvin walked up to us. "Finished dat bodybuilding pills. Need more" he babbled. "Marvin, by GOD, I gave you 100 anadrol tabs only a couple of weeks ago!" I exclaimed. Was it not enough that, every other day, I walked up and jabbed a needle into him and gave him a 400mg injection of test?! Marvin had been eating the anadrol like candy. His swollen, mongoloid features were even more pronounced, and he did indeed look a shade yellow! I get anadrol very cheap, so I merely opened my gymbag and tossed him a bottle of 100 tabs. "Bon appetit!" I cried.

5 minutes later, as I was spotting Nobby while he did a set of good-mornings with an incredible 405 pounds, I heard the nasal, effiminate voice of a lad who worked in the gym as a counterboy and 'trainer'. I believe a degree in kinesiology made him a bodybuilding expert. He was berating Marvin. Marvin had left his bottle of anadrol on the floor while he used a bench, and this trainer had picked up the bottle of anadrol I had given Marvin and examined it.
"ARE these yours? Oxymetholone...that is an anabolic steroid. How did you get these! SHAME on you, Marvin!" he screeched. "PLEASE LEAVE...we don't tolerate steroid-taking cheaters here!" he screamed. Nobby and I sat back and watched.
"Marvin has to solve this dilemma on his own" I said. "It's important for his self-esteem. Just because the man is retarded doesn't mean he can't handle himself."

Well, the personal trainer stood, arms folded, in front of Marvin. "Sorry Marvin..those are the rules. You have to go. I'm calling your group home manager about this!" he declared.
Marvin's jaw dropped. He began shaking. "I can't lift no more?" he asked. "Not here you can't" the counterboy snapped.
"It aint fair...it ain't fair....IT'S NOT FAIR, IT ISN'T!!!" Marvin roared. He began screaming and ran over to the coke machine, and in a feat of strength unmatched since Samson pushed apart the pillars of the Philistines' temple, Marvin lifted the coke can machine, walked over to the front window of the gym, and hurled it through!! It fell 2 stories and hit the sidewalk with a thunder that shook the building. Marvin was like some modern-day Quasimodo, a simple man pushed to the edge and forced to unleash his mongoloid strength on those who would destroy him!
A few people ran over to subdue Marvin, but Nobby and I intercepted them. I double-clotheslined two fellows, and Nobby beat the rest of them back with his bike chain. The cowardly counterboy fled the gym. A couple of big men grabbed Marvin, but he tossed them aside like rag dolls! He ran around the gym, screaming, dragging pieces of equipment over to the front window and hurling them through- the leg press machine, lat pulldown machine, benches, dumbells, plates and anything else he could find. As police cars pulled up, Nobby and I headed out. "AWROIGHT MAHVIN!" Nobby roared as we left. "FOOKIN BASTAHDS!" he screamed at the police.

We watched as a riot squad pulled up, fired tear gas cannisters into the gym through what was left of the front window, charged in the door and up the stairs. A few riot police were tossed out the window, and finally Marvin was subdued after a viscous clubbing that would have killed an elephant. He was taken out in a straightjacket and put in the back of an armoured police van, screaming obscenities and struggling the whole time.
Just then, Nobby spotted the counterboy who started all this- he was watching everything, a satisfied smile on his face. He saw Nobby lumbering over to him, and ran and jumped into his car. He started it up, turned to give us the finger, but there I was- holding up the back of his car! He floored it, but the rear wheels spun in the air. Then Nobby's fist came crashing throught the driver's side window, and dragged his 140 pound arse out and tossed him on the sidewalk. Nobby and I put the boots to him, and Nobby gave him a nasty chain-beating right out of the film 'A Clockwork Orange'. He was barely alive when we took off down an alleyway, laughing.

Bros...do you think it might have been the large anadrol doses that caused Marvin to go insane? Or could it have simply been that extra chromosone?
Anyone?
 
PRO'S seminar ends in DISASTER!!!!!!
Brothers,

A well known pro won't be at any upcoming shows. And he is most displeased, and blames, of all people, me!

Last week, a known pro bodybuilder who I won't name, contacted me and let me know he wanted to hold a bodybuilding seminar, charging people the equivalent of 25 American dollars each to hear his training, nutrition, and supplement advice.
Things didn't go very well...and now he is quite angry with me.

He had asked for my help in organizing the promotion of his seminar, and I told him that I would be DELIGHTED to take care of that end of things. I hired graphic artists, and personally oversaw the designing of advertising posters that featured the pro's picture, and "TAKE BLOODY FUCKING CHARGE!" in large, red, blood-dripping letters across the top. The smaller script read:
"Get fucking huge- scare your mates, your teachers, and your parents! Squash bastard enemies like beetles! Learn how to eat, train, inject, how to smuggle and/or import steroids... come to the show, and get a bottle of anadrol for free, to get you started!"

I thought it was smashing, and so did Nobby! I had hundreds of posters made, and Nobby and I posted them in places that we KNEW would draw whomever saw them to the seminar- we went around elementary schools, middle schools, high schools, homes for disturbed youth, the local snooker hall, local playgrounds...a truly heroic effort, I must say. We put the posters up everywhere, and personally encouraged people to attend. Tickets sold quickly.

I also managed to rent a community centre hall for very cheap- mind you, it was in the east end of London, amongst the slums!

The big day came-
The pro showed up to the community centre and, on entering the large auditorium, stood gaping at the crowd. A sea of mostly boys, aged 8-21, met his eyes. Many of them had shaved heads, bomber jackets, wore combat boots, t-shirts emblazoned with swastikas or skulls, and had swastikas tattooed on their foreheads. A jolly group of little rascals!

He then saw for the first time the poster I had made. He said "For fuck's sakes, mate, what the FUCK is this? Bloody kids! What...free fucking anadrol...I could get in serious shit...!!!"
A look of true distress, anger, and who knows what else came over his face.
No sooner had he spoken than 10 police officers arrived, and escorted him out in handcuffs- he began sobbing! When they found the 3 crates (1000 bottles) of anadrol I had generously supplied, and asked whose it was, I simply pointed my thumb in the direction of the pro bodybuilder as he was being led away. "It's his!" I quipped. "Well, I'll be off then" I said innocently, and Nobby and I left- but not before Nobby grabbed the mic and yelled "Now, fuck off you lot, you aint gettin no anadrol tonight, show's over- no bloody refunds, bahstahds! G'wan...FOOK OFF!!" he screamed, then threw the mic and the podium at the angry crowd of disturbed youth!
Chairs soon became airborne, the sound of windows smashing filled the air, and screaming erupted...a true riot was underway.

Luckily, we made it out of the community centre, and drove out of the parking lot just as the ensuing riot, which saw the burning down of the community center, 3 people killed and scores injured, got underway.
We both laughed heartily as Nobby floored the Rolls Royce and we sped away from the scene of calamity!

So, brothers, looks like a certain pro bbder is out of the game for the next several years....
 
McDonald's INCIDENT...post workout meal!
Brothers,

Lately, I have been having problems with my temper. As I outlined in 'Roid Rage', I had an incident at Church which really made me wonder- am I indeed a bit edgy?
Lately, at McDonald's, another distressing incident occurred.

The other evening, after finishing a brutal workout, Nobby and I staggered out of the gym. Bent bars, snapped cables, holes in the floor from where a bar loaded with 800 pounds had been dropped off of my back at the end of a set of squats, all indicated that truly Herculean efforts had been made by Nobby and I. Time for the post workout meal!
The line up at McDonald's was frightening. Nobby and I entered, and he commented on the crowd. "Watch and learn, Nobby old chap" I remarked, and then I shoved my way up to the front of the line, tossing folk aside and glaring down those who grumbled, before triumphantly reaching the counter. Nobby followed, chain in hand, lest any troublemakers try to protest. "We have to eat NOW, Nobby...our muscles are shrinking, for God's sake!" I cried.
Our turn came to order.
"Good evening, Sir, and what can I get you?" the cashier asked.
"Everything".
"Er..excuse me, Sir? What do you mean by 'everything'?" the pimple-faced punk asked.
"EVERYTHING!!!" I roared, gesturing to the entire array of hamburgers, fries, pies, etc., in front of us. "And make it fucking quick, sunshine" I snapped. Nobby's glare persuaded the terrified boy to quickly begin piling every piece of food in sight onto trays- heaps of various burgers, pies, scoops and scoops of fries...etc, etc.
The waiting was too much- Nobby grabbed a 'Happy Meal' from the hands of a little boy and wolfed down the contents- not even bothering to unwrap the hamburger. As the young lad sniffled, I reprimanded Nobby "You bastard! Get the child something to make him feel better!". Nobby lumbered over to the plastic 'Happy Meal' toy display case, showing all 5 toys available to be collected, punched a hole in it, ripped it off the wall and handed the young lad the 5 toys that had been displayed within. He then punched a lady in the face, snatched her take-out bag, and handed it to the happy lad. "Well done, Nobby- your kindness indeed overrunneth!" I commended him.

Our food took 5 or 6 trips to bring it all to the 3 tables we occupied, and soon we were eating our way through a mountain of food, stopping occasionally to take a swig of whiskey from the bottle I had brought in under my coat.
Some time later, our hands shaking in effort to force feed ourselves, we finally managed to eat the last bit of food. I stood up, and reeled back- well, it wouldn't be the first time I had eaten until I was sick, but brothers, we Warriors suffer the pain!
As Nobby and I staggered out, the manager called us over. "Gentlemen, we just can't have you coming in here next time and..." he wasn't quite finished when, with a "'BLAAAARRRRGGHH!!!" I vomited all over him and, staggering over to the front counter, vomited all over it as well! I needed to replace those lost calories, and seizing a tray of french fries, I threw down a few bills and headed out.
The manager followed us, informing us that he had called the police, and was quickly silenced by a blow from Nobby's fist. As we drove off, several police cars pulled in to the McDonald's parking lot, one of them running over the unconscious manager!

Brothers- is it me- or those McDonald's employees? Aren't they supposed to always smile, for God's sake
 
From Victorian Guy:

85 year old woman gains 20 pounds on drol! (post #1)

Brothers.

My 85 year old grandmother has packed on over 30 solid pounds in the past 4 weeks. Her max bench has leapt from just the bar to 155 pounds- for reps!

I've been throwing a handful of papervar onto her salad, dissolving anadrol tabs in her tea...and I tell you, she has really turned into a hard-core lifter! Her roid rage is out of control, I tell you.

Just the other day, Nobby and I were with her in the gym. Normally I smack her around when she starts to give up with the weights, but this time the tables were indeed turned!
I was curling 275, and after 15 reps slowed down a tad. She lifted her umbrella (she carries it about in the gym with her) and stabbed me in the crotch, screaming "You fucking WEAKLING!!!". I dropped the weight and collapsed, and she continued the abuse, beating me over the head mercilessly with her fearsome umbrella!
A passerby, an old gent of around 65, stopped and commented "Good Lord, my dear, easy does it!" and she spun around, grabbed his testicles, and began crushing them in a vice-like grip, hissing "Who asked you, FUCKFACE?!"
Finally, Nobby intervened and gave her a tremendous smack across the face with his bike chain, and, once she collapsed and lay on the floor, dropped a 100 pound dumbell on her, screaming the whole time.

Well folks, Nobby and I left her comatose on the gym floor. But tommorow is leg day, and granny will be along for some mind-blowing quad work.
Anyone else have a grandmother as fiesty as mine?
 
nobby is the fucking man. Louden you can be nobby, we just need to give you a chain.
 
that's a funny ass story. sounds like something most of us "wish" we could do and get away with it. LOL tb
 
I forgot to tell you guys. . .

I have trained with Nobby in the past. He made me look like a 12-year old girl with a skirt on when it came to handling heavy weights.

The crazy f**cker indeed carries a bicycle chain in his gym bag. From what I remember, he has a horrific temper. One day he was wanting to see how many reps he could do on deadlift using 700lbs. His old record was 20, but today he wanted 22. For some reason ole Nobby wasn't at 100 percent on this day. . he only deadlifted 700lbs for 19 reps. The animal within was released and he takes out the front doors in the gym and goes out to the parking lot to turn over an old womans car. . . a woman who works at the tag agency next door. Next thing I know ole Nobby starts yelling f**K at the top of his lungs and beating his chest. Someone called the police from their cell phone and Nobby left before the po po's arrived. Nobby can get a little crazy. . thankfully he forgot his gym bag with the bicycle chain inside. I was too scared to take it to his apartment, so the owner of the gym had to make a special delivery for Nobby.

You should see Nobby at the buffet!!! Nobby is an angry man if he is hungry. . but thats a whole different story.
 
Nobby just called me from UK and said he is coming down to Norman, Oklahoma next Friday for a training session!

He calls me and says:

Nobby: "Whaz up u phukin wanka!!! You ready for a training session lad? We can't forget the phookin food!!"

I ask:

"Nobby, what are you wanting to train?"

Nobby:

"How about barbell curls with 325lbs, behind the back wrist curls with 405lbs, standing barbell toe raises with 675lbs, Squats with 900lbs, and Stiff Leg Deads with 675lbs?"

Freaked out and a little frightened I said yes.

Nobby wants to pay a visit to the local chinese buffet and McDonalds.

Can you believe this guy? I hope I can keep Nobby from getting arrested!! Thankfully, airport security will take his motorcycle chain.

Ah yes, the adventures of Nobby!!
 
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