The Ant and the Grasshopper -

[Hengst]

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.


MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!


MODERN VERSION:


The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green".

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome. " Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

Nancy Pelosi & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share."

Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow. The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

 

[TC2]

that shits the truth.

 

[Subzeero]

so the grasshoper is representing the black people?

 

[alien amp pharm]

so the grasshoper is representing the black people?

The spiders

 

[Subzeero]

The spiders

lol.

 

[H_T_]

Don Ameche said it better.

 

[Freddie de Lux]

Freddie's modern version:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building her house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks she's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food. Which means that she also has a 26" waist and by that point she has a marvellous and well trained voice (she sang all summer long, remember?) and tremendous dancing skills.

One day, a succesful Broadway producer drives by and sees that magnificent, svelte creature singing and dancing in the snow. He is so smitten by the wonderful grasshopper that he stops the car and tells her: "My Darling, you were born to be a star! Hop in!"

He flies her to New York, but life is not all glitz as the producer promised: the grasshopper has to sleep with many theater and movie producers to get lead parts, but it pays off: not only does she have wonderfully shaped thighs now, but she also has a Hollywood carreer.

One day, thinking about the poor from her Beverly Hills mansion, the grasshopper (now a huge star) gets nostalgic and decides to go visit the ant. And what an emotional encounter it is! They laugh, sing old songs, talk about boyfriends, exchange marble cake recipes (that the ant bakes and the grasshopper orders from the Starbucks on Melrose Avenue).

That is when the grasshopper mentions: "well, my Darling friend (the grasshopper was also close friends with Freddie and learned how to use Darling properly), I must go because I have to fly first class to Paris tonight. I'm performing topless at the Moulin Rouge, at the Follie Bergere and at the Crazy Horse. I am bigger than Josephine Baker now, thanks to all those days singing and dancing and getting thin".

And the ant says: "Oh, that is marvellous. Absolutely marvellous! Congratulations. Now, while in Paris, would you do me a favor, Darling?"

Grasshopper: "Why, yes! You are my dear friend! And I know you lead this hard life, working and saving and never having fun, so just ask and it shall be atended"

Ant: "If you run into this man called La Fontaine, could you tell him to go F%$k himself and that if he ever lays his feet around my house, I will beat the c#@p out of him for starting this story with so much singing and dancing on your part. Now move, Bitch."

MORAL OF THE STORY: Dance and sing and be thin and sleep with as many movie producers as you can, as working hard and being responsible takes you nowhere.