Open Letter to Kerry

[Y_lifter]

Dear Senator Kerry Sir,

Please tell your wife to work on making those little Ketchup Packs you get at your neighborhood fast food joint just a bit bigger in volume..

I need at least 5-6 packs minimum with my burger due to them being so small in volume. This truly is unacceptable

Opening them up one at a time is causing loss in my work productivity, thereby causing a trickle down loss of America's general economy.

Don't get me wrong... Heintz is the best ketchup on the planet.
It just needs this one tweak to be perfect, much like your military record did.

Thanks in advance


Yours in Opposition,

Mr Y_Lifter

 

[coverguy]

Roflmao!!!

 

[ChefWide]

Dear Mr. Lifter,

Had Ronald Raygun not declared Ketchup a full vegetable course for our nations public schools, I would not be where I am today. And you should use the packets freely, the aluminum is from Alcoa and supports american jobs that Chimpy is so eager to ship to india or just flush down the toilette.

Have a nice day.

Gruesome Kerry Wife

 

[Y_lifter]

Dear Mrs. Waffles,

Thank you so very much for your prompt machine automated response.

I would greatly appreciate a thorough investigation on this matter, as I feel it deserves much more than a cursory, flip, auto generated, blatantly partisan message.

I can personally attest first hand that No Child has been Left Behind in the area of ketchup consumption in our nations schools. Your sacrilegious scathing comments against (what was his name again ?.. oh yea) Mr. Reagan are disappointing but none the less not surprising.

You of all people should know that the enemy of terrorism and ketchup are tightly woven. Common knowledge has it that Muslims do not consume Ketchup and "You are either WITH US or You are AGAINST US"...

ps: How is the Heinz Curry Sauce business doing lately ?


Waiting for a valid response,


Y_Lifter

 

[ChefWide]

Dearest Mr. Lifter,

Although I am sopping wet from your brutish and manly chastisement (lord knows there isnt any manly anything in this house), I must suggest that you come here directly and teach some respect. I mean STERNLY put me in my place, you savage Panama Hat wearing simian!

Where were we? Oh, yes, I said nothing to disparage Mr.. what was his name again...I loved the Old Vegeeburger! He made it possible for thousands of undergrads to drop out of college and work minumum wage in my tomato encrusted sweatshops! Without the Cripper...er Grifter.. er.. you know.. without the Great Dehumidifier i would have had to fill all my middle low paying jobs with mexicans... er.. lets talk about that later.

In fact, know for a fact that Nancy used get her desicated, boney craws into a huge bottle of our best and pour it all over her Adolfo Straightjacket on the 'red' days, but Butch...er.. Crutch... Dutch was not into eating tomato product on his dried bat, so that ended post haste.

As far as our curry line, it is flying off the shelves faster than duct tape at terror level chartreuse, thank you for asking.

In closing, in reference to the "If you are not with us...": I am always with you, at least a little bit, as I toss my heavily soiled undergarments into all the processing bins destined for the Southern States, don't you know.

Thank you again for you kind letter, and please come here and fill me with your seed.

yours, and i mean it,

Mrs. Knockthebuzzardoffashitwagon

 

[jh1]

Y_Lifter:


He logged off right before Code wrote a letter to him on here and hasn't been back since.

Damn you are slow.

 

[Longhorn85]

Dear Mr. Lifter,

Your letter was forwarded to me by Mrs. Kerry. I am proud to use her ex-husband's ketchup in my stores. I pay through the nose for those things! All of my shift managers, drive-thru operators and cashiers are conditioned to give out one packet at a time, no matter how many are requested. For every customer that walks away in frustration after getting only three measley packets I save pennies on the dollar.

I hope you understand my situation.

Sincerely,
Ronald McDonald

 

[Y_lifter]

Dear Mr Reagan sir,

Do the drive thru's up there in heaven still Fuck up your order ?
Or is true what I was taught that all things are perfect up there ?

 

[Zebo]

LMAO. This is like a Monty Python skit........

 

[DIVISION]

Dear Senator Kerry Sir,

Don't get me wrong... Heintz is the best ketchup on the planet.
It just needs this one tweak to be perfect, much like your military record did.

Yours in Opposition,

Mr Y_Lifter

I can't argue with any guy who has 3 purple hearts from Vietnam.......I'm wagering that's 3 more than you have?

I was watching CNN, they said that it's actually true that Bush did not even fullfill his reserve duty commitment. That's RESERVE DUTY......not Active, not in Vietnam.......that's drilling one weekend a month!!!

I don't see how Bush can criticize Kerry on anything Military....

Most of my comrades support Bush because he's pro Military, which I empathize with, that doesn't make him any less of an idiot.

DIV