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Some background first:
He and I were friends for years. On some level, I guess even good friends. During the summer we went to tons of baseball games, sometimes with other friends as well, sometimes just the two of us. During the winter we trash talked each other every Sunday (He's a die hard Giants fan, I'm a die hard Jets fan). We never really talked about anything really important. We never hung out in any setting that wasn't DIRECTLY related to sports. I never had any indication from him that he liked me at all till one day, out of the blue, he came out with it that he'd had feelings for a long time. With that on the table I basically had to decide whether or not to give things with him a shot. I loved being with him and always had fun with him, so I figured it was worth it to see if there was more there.
Our relationship lasted about 8 months and I grew to care about him a great deal in that time, even love him on some level. But things went sour the last couple of months and we sucked at communicating with each other because I think it was too difficult for us to change the dynamic that had been in place for so long. For a number of reasons I don't really need to get into, I broke things off with him and I know it completely broke his heart. Trust me, I hated hurting him and I was a mess over the whole thing, but I knew it was time to take my life in a different direction and he and I had no future.
The next month he'd periodically send me these LONG emails. Sometimes it was along the lines of, "I loved you for so long and that's why I never stayed serious with any girl when we were friends, because they never stacked up to you," and something they were like, "If you are going to walk away from this then maybe you aren't the girl I thought you were," and so on. At first...I patiently tried to respond, honestly and candidly. I wanted him to understand, and have closure. But when they started taking more of a tone that he still loved me, still wanted to be with me, I thought maybe the best thing for him would be for me to go cold turkey. I stopped responding, and didn't answer when he called. The emails got angrier and I remember thinking, "OK, if he hates me, then at least he can move on from this and find someone better for him." I told him I'd started seeing someone else, which wasn't true at that time, but again I thought it might make him accept that things were final.
The contact tapered off a little bit. I'd get another of his rants about how he doesn't understand but will always love me etc etc about once every two months, and I still didn't respond. Then I got one in which he mentioned he'd been seeing a girl for a while. I got confirmation from a mutual friend of ours, and was relieved that he seemed to be happy. The next time I got an email from him, he expressed a desire simply to rekindle the friendship we once had. Since he was seeing someone, and I was very serious with someone by this point, it seemed harmless to give him a few quick life updates now and then. We lived a couple thousand miles apart so I figured there was no real room for misunderstanding.
For the next year or so, we'd check in briefly every couple of months. Very quick, one paragraph emails. Occasionally I still got a text message that was mildly worrisome. One I still remember said something like, "I still miss you and love you and I can't make that go away no matter how hard I try, so fuck it" I pulled back a little again and when I did contact him I made sure to emphasize how happy I was in my current relationship.
After that ended last year, he's been pushing me to see him and just talk whenever I am coming to NY to see my parents. I've put him off numerous times. I was still getting periodic text messages like, "I will always love you, that won't change" and "Do you ever think about what could have been with us?" To which I always respond that I think the past is past and there's no going back. I've made it abundently clear that I do not return his feelings, that I'm not the same girl he fell in love with, and I have discouraged him at every chance I got.
Finally, I agreed to see him when I go to NY next weekend. We are going to go to a baseball game. It will be the first time I've seen him since we broke up. I'm doing this as a last ditch effort to get him to see in person that I am not the same anymore, that I'm dead serious that he and I are done, and again, to try and give him some closure. Now I'm having second thoughts because he texted me this morning, "You have no idea how much I miss you."
I feel like I've tried everything. I know some of you are going to imply that this guy is nuts, but he isn't. :aap: maybe, but not crazy. I do care about him and I want him to get on with things already and stop thinking about me. I tried cold turkey, didn't work. Tried to make him hate me, didn't work. Tried to "be friends" again when we were both dating other people, didn't work. I even tried telling him my boyfriend was threatening to pay him a visit if he didn't stop getting in touch with me.
It's not even that he's bothersome for ME. I want him to move on for HIM.
Someone please please tell me whet the hell I'm supposed to do. Should I go cold turkey again and this time stick to it? See him next week and act like a bitch? See him next week, be honest and straight forward and hope it carries more weight in person?
I have, for the record, tried changing all my info. I'm running out of ideas. Help.
He and I were friends for years. On some level, I guess even good friends. During the summer we went to tons of baseball games, sometimes with other friends as well, sometimes just the two of us. During the winter we trash talked each other every Sunday (He's a die hard Giants fan, I'm a die hard Jets fan). We never really talked about anything really important. We never hung out in any setting that wasn't DIRECTLY related to sports. I never had any indication from him that he liked me at all till one day, out of the blue, he came out with it that he'd had feelings for a long time. With that on the table I basically had to decide whether or not to give things with him a shot. I loved being with him and always had fun with him, so I figured it was worth it to see if there was more there.
Our relationship lasted about 8 months and I grew to care about him a great deal in that time, even love him on some level. But things went sour the last couple of months and we sucked at communicating with each other because I think it was too difficult for us to change the dynamic that had been in place for so long. For a number of reasons I don't really need to get into, I broke things off with him and I know it completely broke his heart. Trust me, I hated hurting him and I was a mess over the whole thing, but I knew it was time to take my life in a different direction and he and I had no future.
The next month he'd periodically send me these LONG emails. Sometimes it was along the lines of, "I loved you for so long and that's why I never stayed serious with any girl when we were friends, because they never stacked up to you," and something they were like, "If you are going to walk away from this then maybe you aren't the girl I thought you were," and so on. At first...I patiently tried to respond, honestly and candidly. I wanted him to understand, and have closure. But when they started taking more of a tone that he still loved me, still wanted to be with me, I thought maybe the best thing for him would be for me to go cold turkey. I stopped responding, and didn't answer when he called. The emails got angrier and I remember thinking, "OK, if he hates me, then at least he can move on from this and find someone better for him." I told him I'd started seeing someone else, which wasn't true at that time, but again I thought it might make him accept that things were final.
The contact tapered off a little bit. I'd get another of his rants about how he doesn't understand but will always love me etc etc about once every two months, and I still didn't respond. Then I got one in which he mentioned he'd been seeing a girl for a while. I got confirmation from a mutual friend of ours, and was relieved that he seemed to be happy. The next time I got an email from him, he expressed a desire simply to rekindle the friendship we once had. Since he was seeing someone, and I was very serious with someone by this point, it seemed harmless to give him a few quick life updates now and then. We lived a couple thousand miles apart so I figured there was no real room for misunderstanding.
For the next year or so, we'd check in briefly every couple of months. Very quick, one paragraph emails. Occasionally I still got a text message that was mildly worrisome. One I still remember said something like, "I still miss you and love you and I can't make that go away no matter how hard I try, so fuck it" I pulled back a little again and when I did contact him I made sure to emphasize how happy I was in my current relationship.
After that ended last year, he's been pushing me to see him and just talk whenever I am coming to NY to see my parents. I've put him off numerous times. I was still getting periodic text messages like, "I will always love you, that won't change" and "Do you ever think about what could have been with us?" To which I always respond that I think the past is past and there's no going back. I've made it abundently clear that I do not return his feelings, that I'm not the same girl he fell in love with, and I have discouraged him at every chance I got.
Finally, I agreed to see him when I go to NY next weekend. We are going to go to a baseball game. It will be the first time I've seen him since we broke up. I'm doing this as a last ditch effort to get him to see in person that I am not the same anymore, that I'm dead serious that he and I are done, and again, to try and give him some closure. Now I'm having second thoughts because he texted me this morning, "You have no idea how much I miss you."
I feel like I've tried everything. I know some of you are going to imply that this guy is nuts, but he isn't. :aap: maybe, but not crazy. I do care about him and I want him to get on with things already and stop thinking about me. I tried cold turkey, didn't work. Tried to make him hate me, didn't work. Tried to "be friends" again when we were both dating other people, didn't work. I even tried telling him my boyfriend was threatening to pay him a visit if he didn't stop getting in touch with me.
It's not even that he's bothersome for ME. I want him to move on for HIM.
Someone please please tell me whet the hell I'm supposed to do. Should I go cold turkey again and this time stick to it? See him next week and act like a bitch? See him next week, be honest and straight forward and hope it carries more weight in person?
I have, for the record, tried changing all my info. I'm running out of ideas. Help.
