Mother's "advice" - AARGH!

[FitFossil]

Went home this weekend for a family visit in the hot as hades South. Wore a sleeveless top. I about knocked everyone's eyeballs out and got many compliments from brothers, sisters-in-law, and father. So what's this thread about ole Mom, you ask...

My mother later took me aside and said she wished I'd "do more yoga". I said "Huh???"

She said: "You need to stretch your muscles out..."

I said: "I already do yoga to stretch after every workout, and besides I'm aleady as flexible as a noodle..." (always have been)

She said: (hold onto your hats everyone... ) "...
Well, your shoulders and arms are starting to look really hard and knotty......You should do more yoga to stretch and smooth your muscles out, so you don't have those bumps and lines..."

Well, I knew I wasn't going to get anywhere trying to explain to her that those "bumps and lines" are actually known as cuts and striations, and that smoothing them out is the LAST thing I want.

So rather than "get into it" (for those that don't know, I have a 20 year history of eating disorder which devastated my family and nearly killed me), I steered the conversation elsewhere. My mother's aesthetic leans more toward the typical fashion model. However, when I was anorexic, she didn't like that either.

I was amazed I was able to handle this gracefully. Even just a few months ago, such a remark would have ruined my day, week, life, etc. I admit it still bothers me a little bit, but I'm happy to say these muscles have given me a lot of emotional strength as well as physical strength.

 

[Sassy69]

Congrats FF! Its hilarious hearing other people's "concerns". I know I got some interesting stares from family members when I went home to visit this summer. All the women in the family are always like "well I just tone, I don't want to get huge". Oh geez. Do you just want to slap them or what??? The funny thing is that I tell my mom how miserable I was when I was the chubby teenager ("big girl", as she put it) and now since I am a "big girl", why not take advantage of it in a healthy way?? People's perceptions are truly fascinating....

 

[Super Girl 22]

I have the same situation. My bro constantly harrasses me about working out. He tells me i'm 150lbs of beef (when i'm only 120lbs). Yesterday, i was in his car and i went thru his glove compartment. when i closed it, he said i better stop working out because i dont know my own strength...i happened to slam it closed and i also slammed the door closed that he commented about as well. Alot of women that i train complain that they "dont want to get muscles & get big like a man". You cannot get big muscles unless you want them and work hard to achieve them. Working out and lifting 5-10lb weights ain't gonna get you there! I'm happy with the cuts in my arms, legs & abs. I workout to please myself and i'm not worried about what anyone says anymore.

 

[wavywoman]

family can be reeeeeally annoying

FAMILY can be sooo annoying...
Hey, why is it that family members seem to have nooo problems making comments about their female relatives' health/eating habits but rarely make any comments about their male relatives?
My brothers can gain or lose 30lbs, eat like pigs or birds or pass up desserts, and no one says boo to them.
My sisters and I say no to dessert, or say yes, eat like birds or pigs, and it's like a big issue "What? Are you on a DIET?" or "Gee, she gained so much weight! She should stop eating like that!". "She looks like a hatrack!" "She looks hippier than she was before!"
As far as working out is concerned, I always get grief for even GOING to the gym. Like I should be doing OTHER things instead. Pfffft. Whatever.

 

[keiko]

I love the whole stretching muscles idea! I'm naturally long from elbow to shoulder and from calf to knee (as wll as everywhere else). People always ask me at the gym how I got so long--what exercises can they do?

I tell tham surgical reattachement of the tendon will do it. Yoga, Pilates, stretching--nothing lengthens you out. It's genetic!

Sorry about you Mom. Ask her why HER side of the family gave you muscles!

 

[KBgrl]

Ohhhhh boy !!! i hear ya girl!! i went throught the same thing yesterday i too have just stopped trying to explain and justify why i do this...dont do this...eat this... wont eat that..etc.. im toooo tired. thank god for the boards!! its made life just a tad easier to deal with ya know!?!? hang in there!! im sure u look beautiful and most important --- ur healthy and happy!!! yipeeee!!

 

[poohbear]

I'm partly Filipino and when I used to wear tank tops, female family members used to call me fat. I weighed like 125lb with less than 15% BF. People have limited views, don't they

 

[Bikini Mod]

I know EXACTLY what you mean. It is VERY DIFFICULT to have a mother that you can never please.

I have struggled with this my whole life. Sadly, I have all but cut her off....but I just do not have the strength right now to "not let it bother me".

YOU GO GURL. Remember, no matter how much it might hurt that your mother does not recognize your accomplishments - IT IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM...it is hers.

Be who you are and BE HAPPY!

Bumps and lines....HAHAHAHHehehehhehahahahe

 

[ann]

I guess when people do notice your gains, and you are on an AS....nice to know you are getting your moneys worth anyway

 

[BrickGirl]

My Mother passed away 2 years ago, I would LOVE for her to be here to tell me how I fix what I have "messed up" on my body no matter how much I would have hated it