Lost it all. Be carefull people.

[landser]

I know this isn't necessarily the place to be talking about addiction, but this place, and other Bodybuilding boards were my life. I felt comfortable here, and so I post this in hopes that somebody out there can learn from my hell, or maybe somebody out there can relate.

I was obsessed with bodybuilding/nutrition/anabolics, and was a strong and lean 230lbs. I fell into a drug addiction, which reaked havoc on my body and life. It broke me down so fast, even now that I am clean, I am dumbfounded by how quickly my addiction to drugs destroyed everything I was and worked for.

I lost 40lbs, lost my job, became homeless and now I also carry Hep C. I was one of those guys who thought he had the iron will...training hard and heavy, eating clean, and basically thinking he was invincible. I looked down upon junkies as if they were garbage, and never understood how they could be that way. I became one of them....

Im now working hard at being clean, but I wanted to say to all those guys out there who think that can never happen to them to be carefull. Drugs are powerfull, and they can suck you in before you know it. Sorry for the vent...

 

[Sub-Zero]

ill be sure not to have sex or share needles with you

 

[BrothaBill]

I know this isn't necessarily the place to be talking about addiction, but this place, and other Bodybuilding boards were my life. I felt comfortable here, and so I post this in hopes that somebody out there can learn from my hell, or maybe somebody out there can relate.

I was obsessed with bodybuilding/nutrition/anabolics, and was a strong and lean 230lbs. I fell into a drug addiction, which reaked havoc on my body and life. It broke me down so fast, even now that I am clean, I am dumbfounded by how quickly my addiction to drugs destroyed everything I was and worked for.

I lost 40lbs, lost my job, became homeless and now I also carry Hep C. I was one of those guys who thought he had the iron will...training hard and heavy, eating clean, and basically thinking he was invincible. I looked down upon junkies as if they were garbage, and never understood how they could be that way. I became one of them....

Im now working hard at being clean, but I wanted to say to all those guys out there who think that can never happen to them to be carefull. Drugs are powerfull, and they can suck you in before you know it. Sorry for the vent...

Take care man.
Hep. C is bad news, very few IV drug users here I would suspect though

 

[AAP]

What was you using bro?

 

[landser]

What was you using bro?

Bro, I dont want to violate the rules of the board in talking about rec drugs. But I will tell you, just hope I dont cross a line. I started out having a line or two with friends, or at a club, and it progressed to everyday use, and being comfortable with needles being a steroid user, lead to daily IV use, and later IV use of another more "physically" addicting drug. I had two addictions. I was a stand up guy...law abiding, hard working, good morales and was focused very much on my health. Addiction broke me down into a criminal/junky. I can't believe I let this happen, of all people, I was THE fitness guy. It can happen to anyone, so thats why I post, to let y'all know that if you have an addictive personality to be carefull. I now also have warrants out for my arrest, and alot of mending to do in regaining peoples trust and respect.

 

[scout69]

Hey brother I feel you and the best of luck o you faith in god is what gets me through

 

[Lestat]

wow man. You can talk about what you were addicted to, just not about aquiring or prices, etc.

Your story is scary, mainly because you sound like me. I've got a good job, fit, moral, law abiding.. but I do dabble with some rec drugs at times, I've done coke.. but never really got an urge to do it again after one long weekend. Alcohol and weed are the only things I use, and not too frequently.. alcohol 2-3 times a month, weed a little more often.

I have never had a real addiction (this site is the closest thing actually) and its hard for me to even understand it.. especially when I see what it costs people.

How did you turn into a crimilar, was it just the possesion, or did you actually start committing crimes?

How did you finally get clean?

How would you advise people to avoid what happened to you, stay away altogether, or is it possible to be a casual user of either of those drugs?

 

[DZLS]

i'm sorry to hear that drugs ruined your life... well, you actually did it, but at least you are on the road to recovery now...

i am the same whay you were... i can't see how a junkie lives the way he does, it sickens me to no end... i have too much to live for to fuck it up for a "high"...

good luck on getting your life back in order...

 

[landser]

, or did you actually start committing crimes?

How did you finally get clean?

How would you advise people to avoid what happened to you, stay away altogether, or is it possible to be a casual user of either of those drugs?

When I became homeless, I began selling drugs/robbing people, your regular low life criminal shit. How did I finally get clean? I had been up for 3 or 4 days, hadn't eaten, and not even drugs could mask the pain and misery I felt. They no longer could even do their job; covering up all my emmotional hell. I blacked out on the street, and as I lay there, nobody stopped. I was just some piece of shit looking junky...not even worth anybody's time. I hit bottom.

 

[BrothaBill]

How would you advise people to avoid what happened to you, stay away altogether, or is it possible to be a casual user of either of those drugs?

I dont think their is any advice that can help people in doing drugs that can cause addiction.
It really is a combination of environmental factors as well as how people interpret events and how they have learned to deal with them. Given the circumstances, any person can become an addict. It is simple behaviorism mixed with cognitivism

 

[hamstershaver]

When I became homeless, I began selling drugs/robbing people, your regular low life criminal shit. How did I finally get clean? I had been up for 3 or 4 days, hadn't eaten, and not even drugs could mask the pain and misery I felt. They no longer could even do their job; covering up all my emmotional hell. I blacked out on the street, and as I lay there, nobody stopped. I was just some piece of shit looking junky...not even worth anybody's time. I hit bottom.

damn man just remember that if you ever have the urge again

 

[Lestat]

I dont think their is any advice that can help people in doing drugs that can cause addiction.
It really is a combination of environmental factors as well as how people interpret events and how they have learned to deal with them. Given the circumstances, any person can become an addict. It is simple behaviorism mixed with cognitivism

how do we avoid it though???? what environmental and cognitive factors are common to all addicts.. that would be a way to avoid or at LEAST recognize addiction early on.

 

[Gymgurl]

Good luck in your recovery!

 

[landser]

how do we avoid it though???? what environmental and cognitive factors are common to all addicts.. that would be a way to avoid or at LEAST recognize addiction early on.

Look at your family history...is alcoholism/drug/food addiction present? That can help you determine if you may carry a genetic risk. Also, did you grow up in a home with alcoholic/drug addicted parents? If you did, one of the things you learn from them is that substances are a way to escape. I have both of these...a family history of alcoholism and alcoholic (now sober) parents. Also, if you find yourself easily obsessed with things, even training, you may have that addictive personality which is icing on the cake for future problems.

 

[Lestat]

Look at your family history...is alcoholism/drug/food addiction present? That can help you determine if you may carry a genetic risk. Also, did you grow up in a home with alcoholic/drug addicted parents? If you did, one of the things you learn from them is that substances are a way to escape. I have both of these...a family history of alcoholism and alcoholic (now sober) parents. Also, if you find yourself easily obsessed with things, even training, you may have that addictive personality which is icing on the cake for future problems.

Hmm ok.. no family history for me.. not even with grandparents or aunts/cousins.

Not overly obsessive, a little, but i keep it in total check.

How are things going for you now? Good I hope.

 

[silverbackn]

My heart goes out to you bro. I have a cousin that is about to do 10-20 years because of selling meth to cops numerous times. What happened to you more than likely saved your life. I'm glad to hear that you are on the right path again. I used to look down on anyone who used recreational drugs. I have personally never even smoked weed. To be honest, I am scared to death of hardcore drugs. I do have an addictive personality though, I try to avoid anything that I think I might like if I know I can't continue to do it.

 

[gonelifting]

Good luck man. You're on the right track with accepting it and realizing you have/had a problem. Don't ever go back. Tattoo that shit on your forehead.

I remember you from the boards a while back. You can come back to where you were. Being a bodybuilder, you should know that it takes time AND patience, bit it CAN be done.


and turn yourself in. They might help you clean up.

 

[feisty11975]

I know many people that are in the state that you were in..It is horrible to see! I thank God everyday that I did not become addicted! I did several things not all that long ago...and some I really liked. But I was able to never touch them again.

Good luck to you! My prayers are with you. Stay clean

 

[*MissFit*]

good luck and thansk for sharing your story.. hopefully someone might learn

 

[javaguru]

I know this isn't necessarily the place to be talking about addiction, but this place, and other Bodybuilding boards were my life. I felt comfortable here, and so I post this in hopes that somebody out there can learn from my hell, or maybe somebody out there can relate.

I was obsessed with bodybuilding/nutrition/anabolics, and was a strong and lean 230lbs. I fell into a drug addiction, which reaked havoc on my body and life. It broke me down so fast, even now that I am clean, I am dumbfounded by how quickly my addiction to drugs destroyed everything I was and worked for.

I lost 40lbs, lost my job, became homeless and now I also carry Hep C. I was one of those guys who thought he had the iron will...training hard and heavy, eating clean, and basically thinking he was invincible. I looked down upon junkies as if they were garbage, and never understood how they could be that way. I became one of them....

Im now working hard at being clean, but I wanted to say to all those guys out there who think that can never happen to them to be carefull. Drugs are powerfull, and they can suck you in before you know it. Sorry for the vent...

I don't mean to pry but AAS addiction is actually quite rare. Can I ask what you were addicted too?

 

[BrothaBill]

how do we avoid it though???? what environmental and cognitive factors are common to all addicts.. that would be a way to avoid or at LEAST recognize addiction early on.

Well of course its hard to tell addiction from depression first off and they are intertwined. I was a cognitive depression researcher and of course some of the things we designed to study was substance use, from alcohol calendar to diet drugs and steroids etc...
Also goal orientation, perception of negative events, Beck's depression inventory as to their current feelings, MMPI-2...etc..
The largest longitudinal study that had been done in the university covering prior to them even entering the university.
So Ive studied it extensively. I worked under Dr. Ben Dykman who worked under Dr. Seligman as you'll remember from Seligman's learned helplessness experiments with animals and a box with a wall and an electric field underneath the dogs. In one setting, theyd electrify the bottom of the cage and the dog would jump to the other side and escape the shock.
The next theyd raise the wall and electrocute them and theyd try and try and jump over the wall which at that point was too high. Soon, the dogs would just lie down and take it.

Then the experiment would be that theyd relower the wall to the previous level and shock them where they could easily jump over again. Instead of jumping over. They just laid down and took the electrocution instead of trying to jump over the wall.

They "learned" to be helpless.

That is what cognitive pathways do, they form and it takes quite a bit of unlearning *from the cognitive school* way of thinking about behavior.

There is quite a bit of BF Skinner in what I think as well but its useless I think to really describe the issue of addiction.

Having talked to many people with addiction. The person that really made sense was a chaplain at Providence hospital.

He perfectly described it addiction as a "crisis of the spirit"

Now I cant come close to how he spoke to people and gave them hope where I couldnt, but it was like, to me, holy fucking shit! All my studying and words and he addressed issues of the spirit and people had tears in their eyes.
I wrote it down in a notepad but I cant remember it and I boxes upon boxes of notes.

But what he said about his breaking point, his bottom. He used examples and talked about spirit (from a non-denominational, not religious point of view that you could relate to)
Was that one thing that scientists trying to measure depression and research that we always avoided was spiritual measurements b/c you cant measure them.
Yet, crazy that all of the most effective longterm programs for people to quit addiction has a spiritual aspect to them.

If you are concerned about addiction, the only advice I can give is to find your spirit guide

 

[landser]

I don't mean to pry but AAS addiction is actually quite rare. Can I ask what you were addicted too?

Cocaine and Heroin.

 

[javaguru]

Cocaine and Heroin.

Sorry to hear that bro..both are very hard to beat drugs. I wish you the best and bodybuilding isn't compatible with either. Actually, focusing on a healthy bodybuilding lifestyle may help you! Those are rec drugs and will do nothing to further your bodybuilding goals! Stay strong!

 

[Kakdiesel]

fuck that was a sobering post. good luck to you man. i am truly sorry for what has happened.

 

[jnevin]

Day by day bro. I never got too into drugs, but alcohol had me fucked up for a while. All good thoughts your way.

 

[Raptorex]

best of luck bro

 

[Seashell]

So good of you to post that landser, I don't think it can be stressed enough. The problem is, you don't know whether or not you're the addictive type until it's way too late. I've recently watched a family member go through this, hell on earth for anyone that loves that person. Same path as you, lost everything, high paying job, ended up in a homeless shelter, looked like a walking skeleton, suicidal, etc. Thankfully they too hit rock bottom before it was too late, and are currently clean. I pray every day that he has the strength to stay off.

 

[Lestat]

Well of course its hard to tell addiction from depression first off and they are intertwined. I was a cognitive depression researcher and of course some of the things we designed to study was substance use, from alcohol calendar to diet drugs and steroids etc...
Also goal orientation, perception of negative events, Beck's depression inventory as to their current feelings, MMPI-2...etc..
The largest longitudinal study that had been done in the university covering prior to them even entering the university.
So Ive studied it extensively. I worked under Dr. Ben Dykman who worked under Dr. Seligman as you'll remember from Seligman's learned helplessness experiments with animals and a box with a wall and an electric field underneath the dogs. In one setting, theyd electrify the bottom of the cage and the dog would jump to the other side and escape the shock.
The next theyd raise the wall and electrocute them and theyd try and try and jump over the wall which at that point was too high. Soon, the dogs would just lie down and take it.

Then the experiment would be that theyd relower the wall to the previous level and shock them where they could easily jump over again. Instead of jumping over. They just laid down and took the electrocution instead of trying to jump over the wall.

They "learned" to be helpless.

That is what cognitive pathways do, they form and it takes quite a bit of unlearning *from the cognitive school* way of thinking about behavior.

There is quite a bit of BF Skinner in what I think as well but its useless I think to really describe the issue of addiction.

Having talked to many people with addiction. The person that really made sense was a chaplain at Providence hospital.

He perfectly described it addiction as a "crisis of the spirit"

Now I cant come close to how he spoke to people and gave them hope where I couldnt, but it was like, to me, holy fucking shit! All my studying and words and he addressed issues of the spirit and people had tears in their eyes.
I wrote it down in a notepad but I cant remember it and I boxes upon boxes of notes.

But what he said about his breaking point, his bottom. He used examples and talked about spirit (from a non-denominational, not religious point of view that you could relate to)
Was that one thing that scientists trying to measure depression and research that we always avoided was spiritual measurements b/c you cant measure them.
Yet, crazy that all of the most effective longterm programs for people to quit addiction has a spiritual aspect to them.

If you are concerned about addiction, the only advice I can give is to find your spirit guide

great post.

I had someone draw my spirit guide.. had an aura reading once.

But onto things that actually matter some.. I did research for a professor at my college who was trained directly by BF skinner.

I ran experiment on pigeons.. in skinner boxes.. quite interesting.

 

[BrothaBill]

great post.

I had someone draw my spirit guide.. had an aura reading once.

But onto things that actually matter some.. I did research for a professor at my college who was trained directly by BF skinner.

I ran experiment on pigeons.. in skinner boxes.. quite interesting.

Its not about having someone draw your spirit guide, its about finding someone that answers that void you have, everyone has it regardless if they deny it or not, its brain chemistry and genetically ingrained in everyone.
Im not talking about people singing the same old song bee.

Its the guide that shows you an eternity in a second and it all makes sense for that singular instance of "zen"
and yo knowledge I dont trust cuz I aint trying to preach to all people my equal try to not make another sequel, to the daily situation, obsession my bredgion, my ceasar's creation, I know what they can do is all good for you true but do they do what they say they can do> I think not bee, let me see how they withstand the pressures of the man in demand get back to me my man
Its that instant that you know, you know everyone, hit you hit the perfect frequency in your mind, its a zen moment

 

[biteme]

Same thing happened to my ex brother-in-law. He had a job making 60K, a wife and 4 kids. Drugs destroyed his life. Or rather his inability to control himself. When they finally arrested him, he had a machete, a saw offed shotgun, several knives and guns, used syringes, and other drug shit in his vehicle. He was involved with a meth lab. He said they'll never take me alive, but he didn't put up a fight when arrested. His teeth began falling out, he has heptatitis as well. Definitely took a toll on his health.

 

[biteme]

Well of course its hard to tell addiction from depression first off and they are intertwined. I was a cognitive depression researcher and of course some of the things we designed to study was substance use, from alcohol calendar to diet drugs and steroids etc...
Also goal orientation, perception of negative events, Beck's depression inventory as to their current feelings, MMPI-2...etc..
The largest longitudinal study that had been done in the university covering prior to them even entering the university.
So Ive studied it extensively. I worked under Dr. Ben Dykman who worked under Dr. Seligman as you'll remember from Seligman's learned helplessness experiments with animals and a box with a wall and an electric field underneath the dogs. In one setting, theyd electrify the bottom of the cage and the dog would jump to the other side and escape the shock.
The next theyd raise the wall and electrocute them and theyd try and try and jump over the wall which at that point was too high. Soon, the dogs would just lie down and take it.

Then the experiment would be that theyd relower the wall to the previous level and shock them where they could easily jump over again. Instead of jumping over. They just laid down and took the electrocution instead of trying to jump over the wall.

They "learned" to be helpless.

That is what cognitive pathways do, they form and it takes quite a bit of unlearning *from the cognitive school* way of thinking about behavior.

There is quite a bit of BF Skinner in what I think as well but its useless I think to really describe the issue of addiction.

Having talked to many people with addiction. The person that really made sense was a chaplain at Providence hospital.

He perfectly described it addiction as a "crisis of the spirit"

Now I cant come close to how he spoke to people and gave them hope where I couldnt, but it was like, to me, holy fucking shit! All my studying and words and he addressed issues of the spirit and people had tears in their eyes.
I wrote it down in a notepad but I cant remember it and I boxes upon boxes of notes.

But what he said about his breaking point, his bottom. He used examples and talked about spirit (from a non-denominational, not religious point of view that you could relate to)
Was that one thing that scientists trying to measure depression and research that we always avoided was spiritual measurements b/c you cant measure them.
Yet, crazy that all of the most effective longterm programs for people to quit addiction has a spiritual aspect to them.

If you are concerned about addiction, the only advice I can give is to find your spirit guide

Poor doggies. Now that I have 2 of them, I can't imagine anyone doing something like that to them. FUck people.

 

[Lestat]

Poor doggies. Now that I have 2 of them, I can't imagine anyone doing something like that to them. FUck people.

they are experiments bro.. these dogs are not pets, they are bred and raised in a lab and know nothing else.


You'd be surprised the shit that is done to live animals in labs man, even the primate labs.. shit has to be done to help us continue figure out ourselves.

 

[biteme]

they are experiments bro.. these dogs are not pets, they are bred and raised in a lab and know nothing else.


You'd be surprised the shit that is done to live animals in labs man, even the primate labs.. shit has to be done to help us continue figure out ourselves.

Yeah I know it and I don't fucking agree with it. It pisses me off. Torturing other creatures in the name of bettering our lives ought to be a short penalty in hell for that. I'm against it regardless.

 

[VascularRock]

Im now working hard at being clean, but I wanted to say to all those guys out there who think that can never happen to them to be carefull. Drugs are powerfull, and they can suck you in before you know it.

I can relate my friend. I won't repeat all of the details again, but if you are interested, check out my post in a previous thread. Thankfully I have been clean and sober for over eight years. I have been clear of the Hep C virus for a little over two years now. I picked up Hep C from a blood transfusion in the mid-seventies after getting my fingers cut off while making a bong. If you are ever having a moment of weakness, be sure to get ahold of us at EF before you decide to throw it all away.

Another buddy of mine is on his way out. Cancer of the liver from years of abuse in combination with Hep C. The cancer has spread to his lungs and lymph glands. He is carrying about 33 lbs. of water and nearly passed away before Christmas from congestive heart failure and pulminary edema. He has made some modest improvements with diueritics. Enough of that.....

Take care of yourself!

http://www.elitefitness.com/forum/showthread.php?t=366676

 

[biteme]

I can relate my friend. I won't repeat all of the details again, but if you are interested, check out my post in a previous thread. Thankfully I have been clean and sober for over eight years. I have been clear of the Hep C virus for a little over two years now. I picked up Hep C from a blood transfusion in the mid-seventies after getting my fingers cut off while making a bong. If you are ever having a moment of weakness, be sure to get ahold of us at EF before you decide to throw it all away.

Another buddy of mine is on his way out. Cancer of the liver from years of abuse in combination with Hep C. The cancer has spread to his lungs and lymph glands. He is carrying about 33 lbs. of water and nearly passed away before Christmas from congestive heart failure and pulminary edema. He has made some modest improvements with diueritics. Enough of that.....

Take care of yourself!


http://www.elitefitness.com/forum/showthread.php?t=366676

Damn that sucks. I hope I have the courage to shoot myself in the head if I ever get in that condition.

 

[Razorguns]

1) move to hawaii - hard to extradite
2) get closer to your family
3) move away from those drug-dealing "friends"
4) take care of your health
5) you've done the hard part. Wanting to change. Now quit feeling sorry for yourself, wake-up tomorrow and put your life back together. You're still alive, so reward life by doing something constructive.

 

[Gymgurl]

I can relate my friend. I won't repeat all of the details again, but if you are interested, check out my post in a previous thread. Thankfully I have been clean and sober for over eight years. I have been clear of the Hep C virus for a little over two years now. I picked up Hep C from a blood transfusion in the mid-seventies after getting my fingers cut off while making a bong. If you are ever having a moment of weakness, be sure to get ahold of us at EF before you decide to throw it all away.

Another buddy of mine is on his way out. Cancer of the liver from years of abuse in combination with Hep C. The cancer has spread to his lungs and lymph glands. He is carrying about 33 lbs. of water and nearly passed away before Christmas from congestive heart failure and pulminary edema. He has made some modest improvements with diueritics. Enough of that.....

Take care of yourself!




I have a friend who is in the same situation due to herion use and HepC.......



As for ASS addiction......it would be along the lines of what an eating disorder.......where you can never get big enough and you don't really see yourself the way you are

[

 

[DannoMight]

Good luck bro. I was heavy into some rec drugs for a few years and it took one of my best friends being murdered to finally open my eyes a little and have some control. I still party but nowhere near how I used to. Now its only seldomly booze and daily doses of chronic to calm my nerves.

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

wow man. You can talk about what you were addicted to, just not about aquiring or prices, etc.

Your story is scary, mainly because you sound like me. I've got a good job, fit, moral, law abiding.. but I do dabble with some rec drugs at times, I've done coke.. but never really got an urge to do it again after one long weekend. Alcohol and weed are the only things I use, and not too frequently.. alcohol 2-3 times a month, weed a little more often.

I have never had a real addiction (this site is the closest thing actually) and its hard for me to even understand it.. especially when I see what it costs people.

How did you turn into a crimilar, was it just the possesion, or did you actually start committing crimes?

How did you finally get clean?

How would you advise people to avoid what happened to you, stay away altogether, or is it possible to be a casual user of either of those drugs?

Addiction affects everyone differently. I dabbled in coke for a few months in school too, but weighed the pros/cons in my head (cool high, numbies vs. short lasting, expensive, drips, illegal drama potential, etc) and said ahh fuck it.
Habits/addictions can be formed easier depending on a person's surroundings, ease of acquisition, etc though too.

 

[Gambino]

damn

 

[gjohnson5]

I don't mean to pry but AAS addiction is actually quite rare. Can I ask what you were addicted too?

He's not talking about AAS , he's talking about recreational drugs...

 

[gjohnson5]

Anyway best of luck to you. There has been alot of talk about here about belief in god. If you believe in a higher power , then there is always a second chance to get your life and family situation straightened out.

Have faith

 

[HiDnGoD]

Glad to hear you're clearing your hurdles, man.
I can empathize with your situation & understand how people can inadvertantly find themselves at the bottom. Every time I interact with a homeless person, I try to imagine what brought them to that point.
Good luck.

 

[silverbackn]

Yeah I know it and I don't fucking agree with it. It pisses me off. Torturing other creatures in the name of bettering our lives ought to be a short penalty in hell for that. I'm against it regardless.

I think in most cases they may not even apply to humans, animals don't have the same thought processes and logic that we do.