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"A Girl's Guide to Faking It"
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1)Football is mostly played on the weekend, but Sportscenter is an everyday thing. It's not a channel, but more like a life statement.
2)Learn positions. He is not a "hiker," although he hikes the ball. He is a center. His job is not just to get the quarterback the football, but also to protect him. The lineman are in funny positions, but don't comment on them.
3)Beer and pizza are the only acceptable things to eat during a sporting event--don't attempt to change this. No wine-coolers, no Jello, and nothing grean and leafy.
4)No talking during play. Talk after the play, but only comment on that play. A loud "Oooohhh" is acceptable after a hard hit. A louder one is Ok after a hit that leads to a timeout.
5)When asked an opinion about a game, recite the score and say "What else would you expect with what they have this year?"
6)With any reference to an event prior ot 1970 (or any for that matter), nod and say "Things were different then..."
7)WARNING: John Madden had a real job before doing the play-by-play.
8)SUPER WARNING: If a guy asks you about the Houston Oilers game, it's a trick. Pray Britney Spears appears on that Pepsi commercial to distract attention.
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"A Girl's Football Glossary"
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1)nickel, dime - N., new weekend minute rates for cell phones.
2)run and gun - V., drive by shooting without a car.
3)interception - N., medical term for the moment a woman gets pregnant.
4)fly route - N., directions commercial airplanes use.
5)Big10, 12, Pac 10 - N., sizes of beer containers.
**I thought those were pretty damn funny...
--
1)Football is mostly played on the weekend, but Sportscenter is an everyday thing. It's not a channel, but more like a life statement.
2)Learn positions. He is not a "hiker," although he hikes the ball. He is a center. His job is not just to get the quarterback the football, but also to protect him. The lineman are in funny positions, but don't comment on them.
3)Beer and pizza are the only acceptable things to eat during a sporting event--don't attempt to change this. No wine-coolers, no Jello, and nothing grean and leafy.
4)No talking during play. Talk after the play, but only comment on that play. A loud "Oooohhh" is acceptable after a hard hit. A louder one is Ok after a hit that leads to a timeout.
5)When asked an opinion about a game, recite the score and say "What else would you expect with what they have this year?"
6)With any reference to an event prior ot 1970 (or any for that matter), nod and say "Things were different then..."
7)WARNING: John Madden had a real job before doing the play-by-play.
8)SUPER WARNING: If a guy asks you about the Houston Oilers game, it's a trick. Pray Britney Spears appears on that Pepsi commercial to distract attention.
**********
"A Girl's Football Glossary"
--
1)nickel, dime - N., new weekend minute rates for cell phones.
2)run and gun - V., drive by shooting without a car.
3)interception - N., medical term for the moment a woman gets pregnant.
4)fly route - N., directions commercial airplanes use.
5)Big10, 12, Pac 10 - N., sizes of beer containers.
**I thought those were pretty damn funny...
