Bombshell Dropped

[annie72]

I dont know if I mentioned the other day that I am reading Ripped 2 and my BF was not pleased about this at all...."if you get all ripped and muscley then ....well its a complete turn off for me!"

I figured he was thinking I was going to get massive like the pro female heavyweight body builders who obviously take quite an amount of steroids to acheive their gains...so yesterday I printed off about 18 photos of fitness and figure models who have the look I desire thinking this would help - nope ....he hates it...he hates the gorgeous capped shoulders!!!???!!!???

"You wont be the woman I met" - I'm not anyway add on 5 years and a about 28lbs!

I dont dictate to him how his body should look - and regardless of fat, thin, ripped or not I'm still me!

I'm sorry for the rant but has anyone else come against this kind of negativity? It wont deter me...I'm still gonna train, still eat clean etc, etc...I might not even be blessed with great genetics and may never get the bod I want but I am trying - but you know I'm getting married in 6 months and just find his attitude about this really out of order and very off putting.

 

[RADAR]

Hi annie! I'm not sure if he even works out! but petry to bring you back down to their level even tho they don't mean to,it has happened to me occasionally, i guess it's jealously or maybe they think if you get looking good you will start attrecting other guy's attention, regardless, i would say marriage is not something to consider right now unless he gets his act together, and congrats on making a healthy lifestyle change, if i can help you achieve your goals i'm just a pm away, welcome to Elite!

RADAR

 

[annie72]

Thanks Radar...he doesnt work out.....or eat healthy or even drink water! Anyway, have just found some photos of his favourite female celebrity and guess what .....she has capped shoulders...gonna wave that one at him later.

 

[ILUVPIGGY]

He is worried about you getting too HOT! Like Radar said he is probably just a little jealous and worried. Invite him to the gym with you and try to get him into fitness. Maybe if he feels better about himself then he won't give you a hard time.

 

[annie72]

I've tried I enrolled him at the gym...i think he's been twice! Well we'll just have to see...at least if he dumps me I'll be looking good in my eyes at least

 

[mommalu]

Follow your dreams!! You're doing this for you and nobody else
Eventually he will see just how much this means to you and may then give you the support you need. In the mean time, we're here for you.
Good luck annie.

 

[SpyWizard]

He's just afraid of the unknown, insecure as it were. He'll love it once you are there, but everytime you go to the gym he'll feel less of a man, and more insecure in your relationship..

work on it from that angle..

Only you have the power to make him feel safe..

 

[pinkiron]

Hi annie, I know how you feel and what you are going through. I went through the same thing a few years back. I was dating this guy for four years when I decided I wanted to train and look like a fitness competitor. I put a picture of Monica Brant next to my bed and kept saying I wanted to look like her... It got him mad! He hated the "hard" look... We got into many arguments about it and once I started digging, I found out what was really bothering him: he didn't want me (meaning "us") to be different from the rest of his friends! He didn't want to have me eat egg whites for breakfast while everybody was eating bacon and eggs, he didn't want me to refuse a glass of wine during dinner when everybody was having it, he didn't want me to train harder at the gym then him and his buddies (they went 2 a week to play squash!) He just wanted me to be like everybody else! It's not that he didn't "like" the hard and ripped look, it's that this look was not mainstream, you didn't see it in magazine like InStyle and Cosmo and People. And that's what bothered him the most.... He also got bothered about his friends asking questions about why I didn't drink, why I didn't eat hot gods at ball games and why I didn't go out on Thrusday nights with the rest of them (I need 8 hours of sleep to function properly and train at my best... so going out on a week-night is a no-no)....

Unfortuanetly for us, our relationship ended a year after. Neither one of us was happy. He wanted to be maisntream and blend in and I wanted to finally have my dream body...

I'm not saying your relatioship will (or should!) end. Not at all. All I'm saying is try to dig at what's really bothering him: is it the attention you'll get, the sacrifices you'll have to make, is it the feeling that he's not part of something that's taking more space in your life, does he have his own insecurities about his body and he feels like with a superhot ripped girlfriend (wife) he just wont fit into his role of "protector and savior"... Once you figure out what really bothers him, than you are better equiped to find a way to sort the problem out.

I really wish you the best of luck in sorting this out!

 

[nangiggles]

I'm not saying your relatioship will (or should!) end. Not at all. All I'm saying is try to dig at what's really bothering him: is it the attention you'll get, the sacrifices you'll have to make, is it the feeling that he's not part of something that's taking more space in your life, does he have his own insecurities about his body and he feels like with a superhot ripped girlfriend (wife) he just wont fit into his role of "protector and savior"... Once you figure out what really bothers him, than you are better equiped to find a way to sort the problem out.

I really wish you the best of luck in sorting this out!

I totally agree, make it clear this is what you want and you would like his support just like you would support his dreams and then start to probe as to why it would bother him so much.....

Good luck

I'm a bit on the other side of the story, BF and I (lived together 4 yrs) go to the gym together and he would LOVE it if I look like Monica Brant, I'd love it too but I have to be realistic, I'm pretty chubby and it wont be easy.... my arms and calves are looking pretty good... he loves it

 

[emilynichole]

Hi Annie,
I'm just here to tell you that this forum will ALWAYS support you. I don't have too much advice to give, other than to tell you that people and relationships always change over time, just as you said. You aren't the same 'you' as you were years ago, and won't be the same in coming years. Same for your fiancee. It's supporting and growing together that makes a relationship work. I'm not sure when you told him you were getting serious about training...but the best advice I can offer is to give it a little time to sink in. Whether we want to admit it or not, choosing this lifestyle can be a pretty drastic change (like pinkiron said), especially for someone who doesn't practice it with you. The others are probably right, he may be insecure or scared of the unknown, which is fairly natural. It's the way he handles those feelings that's important. Being honest with each other is key. I wish you the best of luck...and I hope you two can work to the root of the issue and come out of it stronger!