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Victorian guy
New member
Ladies and Gentlemen,
The other day, I was banned from a gym I had joined a few months ago. Legal issues are still pending, but, despite the stress of it all, I shall share my my tale of injustice with you all.
Nobby (my chauffeur and training assistant) and I had noticed, of late, that the gym had several new members. One of them, a woman named PMS, did not know a blessed thing about bodybuilding...nor had she any clue what steroids were. This gym did, after all, bill itself as a 'hardcore' training centre, and Nobby and I expected management to reflect such an image.
She spent her time wandering about the gym, flirting with fellows, and joining in converstations not related to anabolic steroids or training. She seemed to focus her flirtations on the manager, a man named JP. Soon enough, she became an assistant manager. Very soon thereafter, gym members engaging in racous, lewd, or 'inappropriate' conversation were suspended.
One afternoon, between sets of heavy, cheat wrist curls with 225 pounds, I was telling Nobby about an annoying cat in the neighborhood that I had disposed of that morning. "Nobby, I took my cricket bat and bashed its head in!" I roared. Suddenly, PMS grew pale, started crying, picked up the telephone, and called JP. "Two horrible men are having a horrible conversation...they are upsetting me!" she cried. A while later, JP entered the gym. "You are suspended" he informed me. Nobby protested my suspension...and JP turned to him and said "You are suspended, too. How dare you comment on things going on in this gym, of which you are a member-...you are banned, you arsehole!" he screamed. Nobby and I were shocked...and angered.
Nobby lost his temper. Let's just say that if you value your own life, and that of your family, friends, and anyone that even resembles you, you DO NOT piss off Nobby. "It's not bludy fookin fair, it ain't!" he spat, in a thick Cockney accent. "YE FOOKING BASTAh!....I'LL FOOKIN KILL YE.... FOOKIN BASTAHHHHDDDD!!!!' he screamed. Turning red, shaking, and foaming at the mouth, he suddenly seized the pop-can vending machine. In a feat of strength not seen since Samson pushed apart the supporting pillars of the Phillistine's temple, killing them all and himself, Nobby ripped the vending machine up off the floor, carried it over to the front window, and with a guttural roar hurled it through the window!
Two stories down it fell, and landed with a crash that shook the building! I cautiously moved over and looked out the window. The pop machine, a 500 pound object, had sailed out the window and landed squarely on a pick-up truck parked at curbside...totally demolishing it. "My truck!" screamed JP.
Nobby and I looked at the truck..then at each other... then bolted for the door and quickly boarded the Rolls Royce, driving off at full throttle!
Afterwards, we laughed long and hard about that!! You should have seen the manager's face as he looked at his destroyed truck (and window, and vending machine!)- priceless!
Take bloody fucking charge, lads! Till next time!
The other day, I was banned from a gym I had joined a few months ago. Legal issues are still pending, but, despite the stress of it all, I shall share my my tale of injustice with you all.
Nobby (my chauffeur and training assistant) and I had noticed, of late, that the gym had several new members. One of them, a woman named PMS, did not know a blessed thing about bodybuilding...nor had she any clue what steroids were. This gym did, after all, bill itself as a 'hardcore' training centre, and Nobby and I expected management to reflect such an image.
She spent her time wandering about the gym, flirting with fellows, and joining in converstations not related to anabolic steroids or training. She seemed to focus her flirtations on the manager, a man named JP. Soon enough, she became an assistant manager. Very soon thereafter, gym members engaging in racous, lewd, or 'inappropriate' conversation were suspended.
One afternoon, between sets of heavy, cheat wrist curls with 225 pounds, I was telling Nobby about an annoying cat in the neighborhood that I had disposed of that morning. "Nobby, I took my cricket bat and bashed its head in!" I roared. Suddenly, PMS grew pale, started crying, picked up the telephone, and called JP. "Two horrible men are having a horrible conversation...they are upsetting me!" she cried. A while later, JP entered the gym. "You are suspended" he informed me. Nobby protested my suspension...and JP turned to him and said "You are suspended, too. How dare you comment on things going on in this gym, of which you are a member-...you are banned, you arsehole!" he screamed. Nobby and I were shocked...and angered.
Nobby lost his temper. Let's just say that if you value your own life, and that of your family, friends, and anyone that even resembles you, you DO NOT piss off Nobby. "It's not bludy fookin fair, it ain't!" he spat, in a thick Cockney accent. "YE FOOKING BASTAh!....I'LL FOOKIN KILL YE.... FOOKIN BASTAHHHHDDDD!!!!' he screamed. Turning red, shaking, and foaming at the mouth, he suddenly seized the pop-can vending machine. In a feat of strength not seen since Samson pushed apart the supporting pillars of the Phillistine's temple, killing them all and himself, Nobby ripped the vending machine up off the floor, carried it over to the front window, and with a guttural roar hurled it through the window!
Two stories down it fell, and landed with a crash that shook the building! I cautiously moved over and looked out the window. The pop machine, a 500 pound object, had sailed out the window and landed squarely on a pick-up truck parked at curbside...totally demolishing it. "My truck!" screamed JP.
Nobby and I looked at the truck..then at each other... then bolted for the door and quickly boarded the Rolls Royce, driving off at full throttle!
Afterwards, we laughed long and hard about that!! You should have seen the manager's face as he looked at his destroyed truck (and window, and vending machine!)- priceless!
Take bloody fucking charge, lads! Till next time!
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