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I lost almost everything when I got divorced from my ex..even my children and pets for a short time. This is so much different. Its so hard to put into words but I found a quote from another fire victim online, here it is "Expect your grief to come, fire is an isolation and horrible experience, It burns up more than our "things." It burns up hope and security. It takes our history and... some of our identity. "
I came away with a few "things" in my divorce. Some jewelery, some pictures, my antique rug...a pair of very expensive end tables..my clothes (half of them anyway). I didn't even have a shirt, coat or shoes after this...my youngest was naked wrapped in a blanket and not even her security blanket...no leash for the dog..no toiletries...even when I enlisted I was issued (and was able to buy) basic needs.
We've been donated a ton of stuff including an incredible bedroom set for us...a TON of clothing..including a weeks worth of brand new clothing a neighbor went out and bought. We live in a wealthy area and a lot of people give away stuff thats nicer than what a lot of people go out and buy..the insurance is covering everything..but weird things hit me...A painting my mother painted (shes an accomplished artist) at a very low spot in her life before I was born. My rug..it was very old and impossible to replace..I grew up walking on it, Greg had a blanket (goat hair) from Iraq that he "gave" to me when I felt low. ..and then stuff thats weirder still but just gone..and a pita to replace..makeup, herbal tinctures, cooking spices..hell deodorant..hair brushes....
then my sense of security is totally shattered...I bought ten smoke detectors for the rental (it has 9 rooms and had two detectors)...I hear fire trucks (a sound I was very comfortable with) and I freeze a little. I see a cigarette burning and I wonder if someones life is going to be ripped away because of it. I continue to wonder if someone actually set the house on fire. I've aready started to harass the insurance company and the potential contractor for heat sensors and residential sprinklers....
I know I don't "need" any of the stuff..but it would really make me feel more secure when I feel so...adrift.
If someone had been hurt or killed my focus would obviously be elsewhere..but that didn't happen fortunately...none of the firefighters were injured...though my husband did need (but didn't get) stitches in his chin after falling on ice in the driveway..fire trucks, water, cold weather= big ice...so now Im just stuck with this sense of loss and seeing everything either burnt beyond recognition or so black with soot its hopeless to clean is somehow harder than it just being gone...
its so hard to explain.
I came away with a few "things" in my divorce. Some jewelery, some pictures, my antique rug...a pair of very expensive end tables..my clothes (half of them anyway). I didn't even have a shirt, coat or shoes after this...my youngest was naked wrapped in a blanket and not even her security blanket...no leash for the dog..no toiletries...even when I enlisted I was issued (and was able to buy) basic needs.
We've been donated a ton of stuff including an incredible bedroom set for us...a TON of clothing..including a weeks worth of brand new clothing a neighbor went out and bought. We live in a wealthy area and a lot of people give away stuff thats nicer than what a lot of people go out and buy..the insurance is covering everything..but weird things hit me...A painting my mother painted (shes an accomplished artist) at a very low spot in her life before I was born. My rug..it was very old and impossible to replace..I grew up walking on it, Greg had a blanket (goat hair) from Iraq that he "gave" to me when I felt low. ..and then stuff thats weirder still but just gone..and a pita to replace..makeup, herbal tinctures, cooking spices..hell deodorant..hair brushes....
then my sense of security is totally shattered...I bought ten smoke detectors for the rental (it has 9 rooms and had two detectors)...I hear fire trucks (a sound I was very comfortable with) and I freeze a little. I see a cigarette burning and I wonder if someones life is going to be ripped away because of it. I continue to wonder if someone actually set the house on fire. I've aready started to harass the insurance company and the potential contractor for heat sensors and residential sprinklers....
I know I don't "need" any of the stuff..but it would really make me feel more secure when I feel so...adrift.
If someone had been hurt or killed my focus would obviously be elsewhere..but that didn't happen fortunately...none of the firefighters were injured...though my husband did need (but didn't get) stitches in his chin after falling on ice in the driveway..fire trucks, water, cold weather= big ice...so now Im just stuck with this sense of loss and seeing everything either burnt beyond recognition or so black with soot its hopeless to clean is somehow harder than it just being gone...
its so hard to explain.
